Best. Gay. Week. Ever. (December 19, 2008)

It’s the MOST…wonderful…TIME…of the YEAR!

No, it’s not just that it’s Christmas time — it’s the time for HOLIDAY TV SPECIALS!!

I’ve been waiting all year to write this edition of BGWE! Hell, I may have been waiting for this my whole damn life!

I love Christmas specials. And in my mind, the best of all are the stop-motion puppet ones created by Rankin/Bass in the 60s and early 70s, especially the classic trio of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964), Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town (1970), and The Year Without a Santa Claus (1974).

True, Rankin/Bass ended up going to the Christmas well a few too many times, eventually producing stinkers such as Rudolph’s Shiny New Year (1976) and the unwatchable Rudolph and Frosty’s Christmas in July (1979) (with Ethel frickin’ Merman).

But when they worked, they really, really worked.

What is it about these treacly, moralistic, and frequently openly sexist and racist films that I love so much?

Well, the incredible songs, for one thing: “Silver and Gold”, “First Toymaker To the King”, “Put One Foot in Front of the Other”, “I Believe in Santa Claus”, and all the rest.

Then there are all those great, indelible characters: Yukon Cornelius, the Winter Warlock, the Miser Brothers. And talent like Mickey Rooney, Fred Astaire, Shirley Booth, and the voices of some of the world’s greatest character actors didn’t exactly hurt.

Plus, let’s not forget all those weird and wonderful “dated” moments, such as the animated interlude in Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town when Miss Jessica sings “My World is Beginning Today” and it’s impossible not to think she’s just dropped acid.

Miss Jessica, on a bad trip

It’s not just the breathtaking creative explosion that was behind the best of these projects; there’s an earnestness and a sincerity about them that is very difficult not to love. Honestly, could there be a more classic appeal for tolerance than Rudolph?

I know, I know, it’s ironic that so many people who grew up watching it would spend the next fifty years freaking out over the idea of a gay person teaching their kid and throwing conniptions over the “cost” of the Americans for Disabilities Act. But still.

And as for the incredible sexism and squirm-inducing racism in these stories, it’s actually encouraging to me that the world has changed so much in just a few short decades that it’s really hard to watch them these days and not wince.

Speaking of Rudolph…

MISFIT DOLLY IS A FRAUD!

True “misfit toy” fact: the flaw of “Misfit Dolly,” the “dolly for Sue” on the Island of Misfit Toys in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, is never identified. She has seemingly normal hair, and a seemingly normal checkered dress.

Next page! Ten subversive theories on Dolly's misfit credentials.