BEN KISSES JIMMY, DANIEL KISSES GEORGE, JAVIER KISSES JULIAN, JAMES KISS DANIEL
Our Nuke Liplock Clock (which tracks how long since Luke and Noah last kissed on As the World Turns) currently shows 158 days since the gay teens last kissed, but thanks to all the macking going on between the straight guys, one could be forgiven for hardly noticing.

I know spring is just around the corner, but all of this same-sex boy/boy liplocking is starting to make me feel like I'm in Europe as opposed to the U.S. where male best friends usually just grunt at each other in greeting. And that's getting pretty intimate.

But in the past two weeks, we've had no fewer than four examples of straight guys snogging away at each other. Let's dissect the kisses, shall we?

Julian Schnabel, Javier Bardem

Up first, we've got Javier Bardem (No Country for Old Men) smooching director Julian Schnabel (The Diving Bell and the Butterfly) who won Best Director at the Independent Spirit Awards the week before the Oscars. Schnabel and Bardem worked together on Before Night Falls and seem to have genuine affection for each other. Add in the fact that Bardem is European, and a kiss between the two isn't terribly surprising. And even though Bardem is hot, hot, hot, the kiss isn't particularly steamy as it's pretty clear they are just goofing around, but not in a creepy, trying to gross each other out way. I score them a six out of ten.

George Clooney, Daniel Day Lewis

Daniel Day Lewis' (There Will be Blood) smooch with George Clooney (Michael Clayton) at Sunday's Oscars is a little more interesting even though they didn't actually lock lips. Like Bardem, Lewis also hails from Europe where straight men kiss without fear of someone screaming "Queer!" at them. After hearing his name called, Lewis first kissed his wife, then planted one on Clooney. Said Lewis afterward, "I had to kiss someone. I had kissed my wife, so in the interest of parity, I had to kiss George."

We've all felt that way at one time or another about George, haven't we? While I wouldn't call their kiss "hot", it was genuine and sweet and I give it an eight out of ten.

Scoring much, much lower was James Corden's near assault on Daniel Radcliffe at the recent What's On Stage Awards in London. So far the apparently heterosexual Corden hasn't explained why he grabbed Radcliffe and kissed him so enthusiastically, but if I were Radcliffe, I would have planted a knee squarely in Corden's crotch for taking such liberties. A little kiss might have been funny, but Corden kept going and going as if trying to provoke Radcliffe who gamely went along.

I'm reminded of Gary Busey's bizarre interaction with Jennifer Garner on the red carpet at the Oscars and how unnerving it must be to have complete strangers assault one this way. I suspect Corden was just seeking publicity by his little stunt and, well, I guess he got it. I hope Radcliffe was suffering from a bad cold sore and Corden got that, too. I give this one a zero out of ten, but Daniel gets a ten for being a trooper.

Ben Affleck, Jimmy Kimmel

Finally, we've got Jimmy Kimmel and Ben Affleck's "kiss". I suppose if you found the video proceeding it hilarious, you might find this funny, but I found it as stilted and awkward as I did the clip. Don't you love how Jimmy is holding Ben's arm with his fingertips extended as if he's afraid to get too close? For Sarah's sake, I hope he kisses her better than that.

Any kiss involving Ben Affleck automatically scores an 8, but anything with Kimmel gets a minus six, so score this one a two.