Best. Gay. Week. Ever. (March 7, 2008)

FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE!
Gus Van Sant's Paranoid Park opens today, but, alas, nothing gay in it. As long as we're talking movies by gay directors without any gay content, I have to mention Roland Emmerich's latest craptacular epic 10,000 B.C. I say craptacular as a compliment because it looks unbelievably cheesy and preposterous. And I can't wait to see it.

Director Roland Emmerich, actor Steven Strait, Strait as D'Leh

This being AfterElton.com, naturally there has to be a gay connection and not only is 10,000 B.C. directed by Emmerich, it also features Steven Strait better known around here for his turn in the homoerotic fest known as The Covenant. Is that gay enough for you? If not, too bad because I'm still going to show you a trailer for the movie!

I happen to be a huge fan of historical fiction and part of the fun of this movie is that it looks utterly ridiculous. Oh, and I happen to write historical fiction and have a first draft of a novel set in about 6,000 B.C. and I can tell you that judging from the trailer, about 90% of what Emmerich portrays is about as realistic in all those political ads currently blanketing Pennsylvania. But who cares! Strait's character of D'Leh (which I know for a fact translates to "delicious") runs around in a loincloth and it looks like a total popcorn movie. I am so there!

On DVD, we've got Jude Law and Michael Caine in the remake of Sleuth.

Friday night here! presents the 11th Annual Ribbon of Hope Celebration while Lifetime has the second episode of Your Mama Don't Dance. Somehow there is a connection between those two, but damned if I can think of it.

Tune in Saturday night to see if Owen finds a way return from the dead on Torchwood. I know I'm sitting on the edge of my chair with anticipation how that will turn out. Also on Saturday night, HGTV has a new episode of out decorator David Bromstad's Color Splash.

Ted Allen, David Bromstad

Nate and Oprah give away Oprah's money on Sunday night,

On Tuesday, Logo (AfterElton.com's parent company) dishes up a new serving of The Big Gay Sketch Show.

As Project Runway rides off into the sunset (don't fret, they're already casting Season 5) with even its best ever ratings, our eyes to turn to Bravo for the return of Top Chef. But what's this? There are no gay male contestants? No-o-o.... I need an excuse to watch! Wait, Ted Allen will be back! Phew! Ted isn't judging on the first episode, but the always easy on the eyes Rocco DiSpirito is present. The news season debuts Wednesday March 12 at 10 p.m.

Make Me a Supermodel's Ronnie Kroell keeps outperforming Survivor's Chet Welch who really is just hanging on. Chet certainly doesn't deserve some of the homophobic comments directed his way, but nor has he shown he deserves to still be on the show.