HAROLD & KUMAR GO THE GAY PANIC WAY
If you hoped last year's gay panic extravaganza Wild Hogs was a throwback to the bad old days and we'd actually moved past tired "gay panic"-based humor, I'm afraid I've got bad news for you. It's alive and well and living in the new movie Harold & Kumar Escape Guantanamo Bay.

Even though I never saw Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (the movie to which this is a sequel), I actually had somewhat high hopes for HKEGB. A lot folks I know said the first one was quite funny, the sequel looked to have potential for some scathing social commentary about race in America, and, best of all, it again featured Neil Patrick Harris. And now that he's out, I was really curious to see what they would do with this drug-addled, sex-crazed version of himself.

Neil Patrick Harris, Kal Penn, John Cho

After seeing a preview of the movie, I can tell you that the film does include some interesting and funny moments looking at the current state of things in America when it comes to the Bush administration's handling of affairs, and NPH is again quite funny (including a rather shocking twist), but all of that is lost in a sea of gay panic jokes and, frankly, blatant homophobia.

When Harold (John Cho) and Kumar (Kal Penn) end up in prison, it's not hard to guess that some sort of gag about prison rape — such a hysterical topic — is certain to follow. Sure enough, the Al Qaeda terrorists in the cell next door gleefully inform the innocent duo that they are going to have to eat Big Al's c**ckmeat sandwich. Because of all the things done to terrorists in Guatanamo Bay and Abu Ghraib — waterboarding, electrocution, starvation, beatings, death — performing oral sex on another man is by far the worst.

Cho, Penn

And, naturally, when the two Al Qaeda prisoners are forced to perform oral sex on another guard, they actually go at it with a lot of gusto while Harold and Kumar look on in disgusted horror. Since they're the straight heroes, of course the plot springs them free before they actually have to do the deed.

What follows are more uses of the word fag, queer, and other assorted homophobic comments, and one of the audience's most disgusted reactions came at the very end of the movie when a gay couple share a kiss. Sigh... Even an appearance by Brothers & Sisters' Eric Winters did nothing to help salvage things.

The movie generated some early buzz for a poster featuring NPH astride a magical unicorn asking "What Would NPH Do?"

The better question might be "What is NPH doing in this piece of homophobic crap?" There is actually a site where you can ask "NPH" questions, so I asked him what he's doing in this dreck. The answer? Well, check out my "interview" with Neil on the next page!

Next Page! Michael interviews Neil!