HOLD ON — WHAT'S HE DOING HERE THIS WEEK?
Regular readers of the BEST.GAY.WEEK.EVER! might be puzzled to see my byline (and mugshot) appearing here two weeks after I explained how the column was going to start rotating amongst the AfterElton.com staff. I had said I wouldn't be writing it again for a month and that this week's column was supposed to be written by Brent Hartinger (who also happens to be my significant other).

As Dennis mentioned in last week's column, my mother passed unexpectedly the day after Mother's Day and, as you can imagine, that threw everything into chaos as I was out of the office for a week while everyone else covered for me. Naturally, that messed up our schedule and consequently, here I am again, stuck to you like gum on your shoe! On the upside, next week you get the hilarious Steven Frank (no pressure there, Steve).

Speaking of my mother's untimely death, I first wanted to say a huge thanks to Brian, Dennis and our writers and bloggers who made it possible for me to not have to think twice about the site running smoothly while I was gone. Second, thanks so much to everyone who posted their condolences on the site as well as those who wrote me personal emails. It really meant a lot to hear from so many folks. I did log on late at night to read them. (I also watched the Forbidden Love clips which provided my only real escape all week. God bless, Ollian!)

My mom officially "died" when we had to take her off of life support after having suffered a coronary at her job. As Dennis mentioned last week, the signs of a heart attack in a woman are very different than those in men and if you'll indulge me for a moment, I'd like to try to make something positive come out of my mother's death.

You see, my mom exhibited almost all of the signs women display — exhaustion, anxiety, difficulty breathing — and had she heeded them even an hour before she collapsed (or had those of us close to her recognized them), she would be alive today. Once the medical personnel got her to the emergency room, it was a simple procedure to clear the blockage in her heart. Unfortunately, by then she was already so brain-damaged there was no chance of recovery. Everyone — but especially women — need to know exactly what the signs of heart attacks in women are and how they differ from men.

Me, my mom holding her grandson, Colton, and my brother Chris

Finally, my mom's unexpected death drove home the cliche — yet very true — point that a loved one can be taken away with shocking suddenness. While my family wasn't exactly Augusten Burroughs', we certainly qualified as dysfunctional in a big way. In fact, up until two years ago, I thought my mother was the villain in our family saga. Then I learned that the truth was a lot more complicated than I knew, and over the past two years, my mom and I were able to mend some fences and grow much closer. I guess that's another lesson here. No matter how certain you are you understand how things are in your family, you just might be wrong.

As karma would have it, my Mother's Day gift and card for her this year arrived early (two days before she first collapsed) and she called me that Wednesday to thank me. I was busy that evening and almost didn't take her call, but I did and we chatted about the chocolate covered cherries I'd sent and the news my brother and his wife were expecting a second child. Mom was thrilled and hoped desperately for a granddaughter to spoil. Obviously, I'm incredibly grateful that I took her call and that we had that conversation. I only wish I had talked a little longer and listened a little more attentively, but I guess you have to take the good with the bad.

My mom didn't have an easy life, and I hope our last few years of closeness made up for some of that. Whether it did or not, at least I know she died knowing how much I loved her. I have to believe that counts for something; maybe even a lot.