Best. Gay. Week. Ever. (June 20, 2008)

If the Oscars are the gay Super Bowl, what are the Tony Awards? The gayer Super Bowl? The Super-Gay Bowl? The gay Oscars? The Really, Really Gay Awards Ceremony? Work with me here--there's a funny joke in there somewhere.

Michael covered the highlights of Sunday’s award ceremony in an article earlier this week, so this gives me an opportunity to quiz you on your knowledge of Tony trivia:

(1) The full name of the Tony Awards is the Antoinette Perry Awards for Excellence in Theater. Who was Antoinette Perry?

(a) An influential 1950s drag queen who combined the look of Marie Antoinette and, incredibly, Perry Mason.

(b) Marie Antoinette’s younger sister, similarly beheaded, but for a wholly appropriate reason — namely, her having loved Cats.

(c) An actress and co-founder of the American Theater Wing, which sponsors the Tony’s.

Perry Mason, Marie Antoinette, Antoinette Perry

(2) What happened at the 1984 Tony Awards when Harvey Fierstein thanked his boyfriend from the podium after winning the award for best book for La Cage Aux Folles?

(a) He got a standing ovation.

(b) He was beheaded using the same guillotine they used on Antoinette Perry.

(c) He wasn’t beheaded, but his thanking his boyfriend caused a huge scandal nonetheless.

Harvey Fierstein

(3) In 2000, the American Theater Wing tried desperately to attract a younger, hipper audience to the Tony ceremony broadcast by:

(a) having famed Broadway booster Rosie O’Donnell host.

(b) chaining famed Broadway booster Rosie O’Donnell in an sound-proof attic.

(c) beheading famed Broadway booster Rosie O’Donnell.

Rosie O'Donnell

(4) How many Tony Awards has Julie Andrews won? How many has she been nominated for?

(a) She’s been nominated three times, and won twice, for Camelot and My Fair Lady.

(b) She’s been nominated three times, but never won. Further, she “rejected” her third nomination, for Victor/Victoria in 1995, choosing to stand with her “egregiously overlooked” non-nominated fellow cast members.

(c) She’s a three-time Tony winner in our hearts.

Julie Andrews in Camelot, My Fair Lady and Victor/Victoria

(5) Only Broadway productions are eligible for Tony Awards, but what’s a Broadway production?

(a) A theater on New York’s Broadway Avenue. Duh!

(b) A performance presented in one of the 39 theaters with at least 500 seats located not necessarily on Broadway, but in New York City’s Theatre District.

(c) Any dinner party where Patty LuPone and Bernadette Peters are seated within striking distance of each other.

Patti LuPone, Helen Hayes Theater, Bernadette Peters

SCORING: I could give the answers, but if you need me to, you’re not really gay and shouldn’t be on this site anyway.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Hmm, I guess I better start looking for another job.