Best. Gay. Week. Ever. (September 28, 2007)

MOI, WITTY? NO! WELL, IF YOU SAY SO
In the comments section for last week's BEST.GAY.WEEK.EVER! column, a most discerning reader asked if it was hard to be witty week after week (after week).

First of all, I would never presume to suggest I am actually witty. That is for history — and the Pulitzer Prize committee — to decide. But I still thought it might be worthwhile to share just how my humble little column comes into existence each week.

Since the column is posted every Friday, I usually dash it off on Thursday when I have a few moments. Here is my schedule for Thursdays:

6:00 A.M to 8:00 A.M. -- Train for Ironman contest (I do this every day)
9:00 A.M to 9:30 A.M. -- Shower, breakfast, read NY Times, Wall Street Journal, London Daily Times, Washington Post, next chapter of The Iliad. and the blogs
9:30 A.M to 10:00 A.M. -- Phone consultation with Hil for strategy (every day)
10:00 A.M to 10:30 A.M. -- Phone consultation with Barack for strategy (every day)
10:30 A.M. to 12:30 P.M. -- Build houses for Habitat with Humanity (twice a week)
12:30 P.M. to 3:30 P.M. -- Edit next week's articles, help Brian and Dennis with myriad issues, interview interchangeable celebrity, write article for next week, write chapter of new novel, counsel **** ***** about coming out.
3:30 P.M. to 4:45 P.M. -- answer email, call publicists, watch shows for next week, return phone calls, study for bar exam, visit elderly in nursing homes
4:45 P.M. to 5:00 P.M. -- dash off BEST.GAY.WEEK.EVER column
5:00 P.M. to 6:00 P.M. -- off to home to cook four course meal for Brent
6:00 P.M. to 10:00 P.M. -- call Mom, work on screenplay, go to rehearsal for part in local play, attend city council meeting (and again decline to run for mayor)

So as you can see, the column isn't terribly time-consuming and if it is indeed witty (calling me the Tiger Woods of column writing is a bit over-the-top, no?), then, no, it's not hard.

ASSOCIATE EDITOR'S NOTE FROM BRIAN: And here I thought Michael had given up writing fiction. Clearly, he's moved to a new address:

First of all, the schmuck doesn't get out of bed until noon and then takes a two hour lunch. When he finally answers the phone, he's already half-crocked. After I get him to sign off on all the work I've done already he starts "writing" his column. This usually involves an hour or two of his looking at porn, then I get frantic IM's from him begging me for things to write about, asking how to spell Jake Gyllenhaal again, and whining about how hard he "works".

After several hours of that, he asks me to "proof" the column, which means "proofing" the one page he's written until it's six or seven pages. Sigh. Does anyone know if Towleroad is looking for an associate editor?

WHEN A DADDY WEBSITE LOVES A MOMMY WEBSITE, THEY SHOW IT BY...
As long as I'm answering reader questions, I thought I'd also answer an inquiry about how long AfterElton.com has been around, how it got started, how I stay so fresh smelling, etc. We've grown so much over the past six months and have so many new readers this seems like the perfect opportunity to catch folks up.

AfterElton.com is the brother site of AfterEllen.com founded in 2002 by Sarah Warn. AfterElton was launched in January of 2005 to cover popular culture for gay and bisexual men. My partner Brent and I were friends with Sarah at the time and helped her settle on the name. Initially, my involvement was limited to writing the occasional, yet brilliant article until July of 2005 when I started writing this very column.

In November of 2005 — lured by the dazzling promise of long exhausting hours mixing with the gay glitterati — I signed on as Editor of the site. (Little known fact: Gore Vidal, Andrew Sullivan, and Dolly Parton also wanted the job!) A little more than six months later in July of 2006, both AfterElton and AfterEllen were acquired by Logo.

My plan from here is to turn AfterElton.com into a huge multinational conglomerate that is actually a secret front for my goal of total world domination to be completed by 2020. I will then use my vast powers only in the service of good making sure that every show has an interesting gay character and that Perez Hilton is cleaning horse stalls on a farm in northern Minnesota.