Best. Gay. Week. Ever. (September 5, 2008)

Who’s gonna bite it first?

Gazing over the fall line-up, I can’t say there is as likely a candidate to flame out as fast as last year’s Viva Laughlin, but there are definitely a few candidates unlikely to make it to Halloween, much less Thanksgiving dinner.

1) Privileged – This poor CW show is anything but privileged. Not only is it up against J.J. Abrams new scifi drama Fringe, ABC’s Dancing with the Stars, and CBS’ The Mentalist, it’s also got to compete head-to-head for teen eyeballs with ABC Family’s Greek. And why the CW thought they needed a show that is basically 90210 set in Florida is beyond me. Methinks this show will have its privileges revoked by Halloween. And that’s too bad as it also has one of the few gay men of color on our telly’s this fall. (BTW, could that picture and logo look anymore like Charmed if they tried?)

2) Do Not Disturb – Do Not Resuscitate is more like it. If the opinion of television critics carried much weight, this Fox “comedy” would have the plug pulled before the final credits rolled on the first episode. During the Television Critics Summer Tour in LA, this was the show most likely to be mentioned in a sentence including the words “stinking pile of” and “sign of the apocalypse”. Of course, given that critics say that about half of the shows we watch, you have to take that with a grain of salt. Still, the first episode of this show did stink up the joint pretty bad. However, since it does include a gay character, I’m required by law to keep watching it. Check back next week for my review of it.

3) Worst Week – Every season offers up several attempts to bring the poor sitcom back to life, usually with some gimmick such as ABC’s Big Day, a 2006 comedy trainwreck about each of the 24 hours leading up to a couple’s wedding. In the case of CBS’ Worst Week, a hapless newly married man (the adorable Kyle Bornheimer) tries to get to know his disapproving in-laws, but things only go from bad to worse for him – and for us as implausible sight gag piles on top of sight gag . If slapstick is your thing, check this out before it’s too late. On the bright side, at least there isn’t a gay character on this one!

Kyle Bornheimer

Four powerful arguments for euthanasia

1) Do Not Disturb – See above

2) Raising the Bar – What an ironic title for this Steven Bochco legal drama which does exactly the opposite. Starring the wonderful Jane Kaczmarek, RTB not only wastes her talents, but also includes Carlie Saganski (Richard Scarfe), an actual gay character who isn’t a hustler, a bitchy assistant, or the best gay friend. Okay, he's a closet case, but we can't be too picky these days. Alas, watching this show is akin to having a cheese grater dragged over your skin followed by an application of lemon juice.

Richard Scarfe

3) Opportunity Knocks – You know how some celebrities take their newfound fame and clout to bring some beloved and socially relevant yet overlooked project to the masses? Think Spike Lee’s When the Levees Broke. Well, Ashton Kutcher’s new game show which travels around the country to different neighborhoods already awash in piles of consumer crap in order to give them the chance to win yet more piles of crap, is exactly the opposite. Please, kill it now.

4) Knight Rider – As if the first Knight Rider series back in the 80s didn’t do enough damage already ***coughdavidhassellhoffcough*** this NBC Ford product placement show has already apparently de-gayed its lesbian character while threatening that KITT, the fey-sounding car, might be gay. So the most prominent character on the Peacock Network might very well be a … car. Please, kill me now.

Next page! Gay characters gone too soon!