Mel Gibson's Apocolypservice

Mel Gibson's gracing the cover of the most recent Entertainment Weekly. He's shilling for that new movie of his -- you know, the one with cannibalistic Mayan indians in body paint running around in the forest and getting eaten by leopards and stuff.

Not really my cup of tea -- though I'm tempted to catch it just see how Gibson does the homophobic grace notes this time. If any filmmaker can slip an anti-gay dig in a subtitled film set 3000 years ago-- it's our boy Mel.

My wishful thinking aside, his new movie looks like it might run into some serious trouble at the box office. So I guess he's out there working the P.R. machine and trying to act contrite and repentant about his recent jew-bashing.

The money quote on the cover of EW: "I Don't Want to Be That Monster." Note the wording in his declaration: Its not that he minds being a monster -- just not that particular monster: i.e. the publicly exposed type.

If you're keen on reading the full text of his interview you can find it here. It wasn't all that interesting.

I must be in a masochistic mood, because tonight I rented a few Mel Gibson movies that I remembered as being particularly offensive to gays and lesbians. I watched Lethal Weapon and then Bird on a Wire.

Lethal Weapon always bothered me because of one scene: A building explodes and Mel's jacket catches on fire. Danny Glover frantically hugs and pats him to extinguish the flames and Mel ad libs: "What are ya, a fag?!" I remember watching that in the theater with a straight friend I'd just come out to. It made my skin crawl. Tonight I picked up something else in the movie which I didn't remember: Danny and Mel are going over the case and trying to piece together why Amanda (the girl from the movie's opening scene) jumped from her hi-rise balcony....

DANNY: We know someone was in bed with Amanda Lloyd the night she died.
MEL: Right. 'Til now we assumed it was a man.
DANNY: Okay. Let's say it was Dixie.
MEL: Okay. Disgusting, but okay: Let's say Dixie slipped the drain cleaner into the pills.

So two women sleeping together is "disgusting?" I know we're talking about a 20-year old movie here, but that comment seems a little harsh even for the 1980's.

The gay digs aside, Lethal Weapon wasn't all that bad a movie. The second half of my double feature, Bird on a Wire, now that was a bad movie.

For those of you who haven't seen it, or wisely blocked it out of memory, Bird on a Wire has Mel shuffling around in the witness relocation program. He's on the run from some drug dealers and traveling across the midwest with Goldie Hawn, revisiting various fake identities he'd assumed over the years. One segment has him returning to Racine, Wisconsin where he once worked as, get this, a gay hairdresser!

Watching Mel Gibson "pretend" to camp it up with all the nelly stylists working at Raun's of Racine exceeded my masochism quota for one night. I had to turn it off.

Actually, I think it exceeds my quota for the entire week so I won't go see Apocalypto when it opens on Friday. If anyone loses a bet or something and is forced to go see it -- do me a favor and comment. Note any anti-gay digs you find. Just a hunch, but I'm guessing those evil Mayan priests from the invading tribe will all be mincing homos. You know, the ones doing the ritual human torture and sacrifice.