After Elton Interview with John Amaechi

This is a special interview provided to us by AfterElton reader Hilary Mathis who spoke with retired NBA player John Amaechi just hours before Tim Hardaway made his now infamous "I hate gays" comments. Even though John doesn't address those comments, we think you'll find it well worth your time as John discusses his own coming out process, why he isn't in a relationship, and what hopes he has for his foundation. We hope the interview gives readers a chance to learn a little more about one of the LGBT movement's newest and most eloquent spokesmen.

Hilary Mathis: Why did you decide to come out now?

John Amaechi: In fairness the process has been going on for three years, trying to get my book prepared so that I would have a message that's congruent and cohesive that could go out there as one big package rather than people trying to glean bits from blogs and articles and clips from television. I wanted one message to go out there that was mine. So it was very important for me to do it in book form. That's why it has taken so long.

HM: Have you been embraced by the gay community?

JA: Yes, I think it's tremendous. I've actually been embraced by far more than that. It's actually been a revelation to see the number of people--I've had 4000 emails in the past 48 hours. I've had 100,000 hits on my website, and people sending me all kinds of good wishes. That hasn't been the entirety of it, obviously there are always people who are going to have a difference of opinion, but the overwhelming majority has been very positive.

HM: How long have you known that you were gay?

JA: Since 9 or 10, very early on.

HM: When you came out to your family, what was that like?

JA: Well, what it is is a very individual process for different people. In my case, I just thought it was very very stressful. What people have to understand is that the individual process for other people, whether they be very well known or not, is still going to be difficult because you feel that you're going to lose, and in my case, even though I knew that my family was reasonable and caring, you still have this niggling feeling that you might lose their love even if only in part. So it still makes it difficult even when you're not telling the entire world.

HM: Can you tell me about your foundation?

JA: Yes, absolutely. The ABC Foundation is my charity. It's based in England. We build research-based community centers that, yes, have sports as their "hook," if you like, but within them there is a plethora of things you can do. We have many partnerships with other charities, like the LSPCC, a national society for the prevention of cruelty to children. They run a lot of programs. [We also partner with an] organization called "Collections" in England, an organization that does everything from career advice to sexual health advice. We try to make [the centers] a destination for families, a hub for the community, a place where ¦kids can play sports, parents can play sports, others can do work in the café or go to a class or do some tai chi—¦it's a real destination for the community.

HM: Do you have plans to expand that now?

JA: Absolutely. We've always had plans, in fairness, to expand them. We're in the process of building a new one in West Georgia. We're hoping to have all the major areas—¦Birmingham, London, maybe somewhere on the south coast and New Castle. What we're hoping to do is expand to Belfast, Glasgow and Edinboro so we can be a truly international venue.

HM: I noticed on the Human Rights Campaign website that you're working with them on their Coming Out program.

JA: They've been working the Coming Out program for quite some time precisely because of what I talked a bout earlier--how difficult it is on an individual basis, all the fears, some of them unfounded but some of them very real, for young people, especially now—¦In America, there are legal fears [and] there are financial fears. Knowing that people who are in certain workplaces can be removed from their jobs for no other reason than their sexuality€¦For young people in schools, I think only the most naïve of us don't realize what a hostile climate schools are in general for gay and lesbian youth. This is a part of the HRC campaign because I think it can be very impactful on the early stages of coming out for young people.

HM: What piece of advice would you give to a gay teenager?

JA: Find your own path for coming out--recognize that it's not one thing you must do all at once. You don't have to tell the whole world at once. It's a process where you can find your comfort zone, really probe to see [how] the people you love and the people who really love you—¦can be the support for you. Do it one person at a time if that's how you need to.

HM: Do you see yourself as a role model?

JA: I saw myself as a role model a week ago. I don't see myself any differently now. I think a lot of people would like to imagine that there was one me and they've got to erase all the pictures of me from before because now it's a different me. No. [I am the] same person, just more. I was a role model before. I will endeavor to be an excellent role model from now on.

HM: Are you hoping to open the door for more athletes to come out?

JA: I would think that would be a wonderful situation in an ideal world, but people have to come to that on their own. It's not for me to force people out of the closet. I think that will be a valuable and amazing thing when that happens, but I also think that society has to take baby steps towards people who are going to take these bold strides.

Author's Note: I spoke to Mr. Amaechi before Tim Hardaway's homophobic comments were made later that same day. In response to Mr. Hardaway's comments, Mr. Amaechi told the Miami Herald that he was grateful for the comments, saying, "Finally, someone who is honest. It is ridiculous, absurd, petty, bigoted and shows a lack of empathy that is gargantuan and unfathomable. But it is honest. And it illustrates the problem better than any of the fuzzy language other people have used so far."

HM: What do you think is the most pressing issue for homosexuals right now?

JA: That depends what country you're in. If you're in Nigeria right now, it's the fact that your government doesn't want you to exist. If you're in America, it's the fact that if your spouse is sick, there's no guarantee you'll be able to go to the hospital. [It's] that they may die, that there's no guarantee that the house you built together will be yours when they pass away, that there's no partnership that they will be able to legally recognize. If you're in England, there are issues there, too. Many of them are not legal [in nature] because of the great progress that's been made through organizations like Stonewall. There's a lot of progress that's been made in recent times, but we still encounter things like the barman from Old Compton Street bar in London that was killed because he was gay as he walked home. So issues aren't over anywhere.

HM: This is a very simple yes or no question: Are you in a relationship?

JA: No. It's really important to note that it's because I'm awkward and difficult to live with rather than anything else (laughter).

HM: In your book, when you're talking about the NBA you say that for some of the players, homophobia "...¦is like donning a game face." Would you consider the NBA homophobic?

JA: No, it's not just the NBA---I referred to the NBA because I was in the NBA. Face it--even if you're just talking about people, men at a bar, it is just like something you're supposed to do. If they see two blokes holding hands, the proper response for a straight man... ¦they kind of delve into the cultural lexicon and come out with "Ew!" But they have to. It's like a knee jerk reaction... but it's time for education to change these things. It's time for us as a society--England, America and everywhere--to embrace the natural order of diversity which has always existed.

HM: Henrik Zetterberg, a professional hockey player, was quoted as saying, "Unfortunately, right now, I don't think you can play hockey when you're openly gay." Do you think that's a fair perception of professional sports?

JA: Since it's a professional sportsman saying it, I think people should probably listen to that. I realize that that is part of what makes the climate hostile. He himself may not be hostile but people recognize that it's not safe. If you look at the workplaces for most people, do you imagine that all the gay people come out there?

HM: No.

JA: They don't! And that's not every single gay person being needlessly paranoid. There's a good reason there.

HM: What do you want people to take from your book?

JA: Lots of different things. I want people to understand that it's a 300 page book and 30 pages talk about anything gay. The rest of it is about my personal philosophies, my insights, [and] things that I've seen over the years living in five different countries and doing a very very different job in the NBA. I want to start a discourse of people thinking and talking at the coffee table, at the workplace by the water cooler, whatever. A discourse--an open, honest discourse.