IMHO "Merlin" (1.1-1.2): There's Something About Merlin

The first two episodes of NBC’s new “before-they-were-famous” retelling of the Camelot story aired back-to-back last night, and it was a little like watching the Bette Davis movies A Stolen Life or Dead Ringer: one twin was good, and one twin was evil.

Okay, so how gay was that reference?

The point is, the first episode of Merlin, “The Dragon’s Call,” was terrific: fast-paced, well-acted, and funny, with lots of cheeky references to the fact that they’re basically giving King Arthur and company the Smallville treatment.

The second episode, “Valiant”? Not so great. But more on that later.

In the opening narration of “The Dragon’s Call,” we learn that, “No young man, no matter how great, can know his destiny. He cannot glimpse his part in the great story that is about to unfold. Like everyone, he must live and learn.”

Which isn’t how I feel at all. I know these articles and reviews I write for AfterElton.com are destined to be remembered for generations to come.

Teenage Merlin, who has magical abilities he doesn’t understand and can’t control, doesn’t “fit in” back in his home-village. So he comes to Camelot to find himself – only to discover that magic has been outlawed. Meanwhile, in a “meet cute” sequence with hunky Prince Arthur, he learns that the Once and Future King is a bit of a prick.

“I’ve been told you were an ass,” Merlin says at one point. “I just didn’t realize you were a royal one.” Later, Merlin also says, “How long have you been training to be a prat?”

Indignant, Arthur says, “You can’t address me like that!”

“I’m sorry,” Merlin responds. “How long have you been training to be a prat, my Lord?”

“There’s something about you, Merlin,” Arthur eventually admits. “I can’t quite put my finger on it.” Later, in a shirtless Gay Subtext scene, Merlin asks his mentor, “I’m not a monster, am I? Why am I like this? Why?”

For the record, Colin Morgan as Merlin is quite adorkable.

Colin Morgan

Mid-way through the episode, Merlin hears the call of respected thespian John Hurt, who is the voice of the one dragon that hasn’t been killed by the king and, for some mysterious reason, is kept chained under the castle.

“How small you are for such a great destiny,” Hurt the Dragon tells Merlin. Which is a very “dragon” thing to say, along with “I’m hungry, so I think I’ll all eat these villagers.”

Later, Merlin saves Arthur’s life – and, not incidentally, the life of the king, who rewards Merlin by making him … Arthur’s manservant.

Um, okay. This is like winning the lottery and being told, “No, no, you misunderstood – it was Shirley Jackson’s lottery!”

(For the record, if you don’t get that previous joke, you don’t deserve your high school diploma. Give it back now.)

“It seems you’re a hero,” Merlin’s old mentor tells him. And he and John Hurt the dragon both agree that Merlin’s destiny – the point of his magic – must be to keep Arthur alive so he can fulfill his destiny. Sort of like what Karl Rove did for George Bush, except hopefully Arthur won’t screw up the entire world.

So what’s the problem? The episode sounds terrific. Where does Bette Davis’ evil twin come into all this? In the second episode of the night, called “Valiant.”

Bradley James

A sword-fighting tournament is held in Camelot – sword-fighting because the producers apparently couldn’t afford horses for jousting sequences.

One of the attendees, a man literally called Valiant, has come to fight Arthur – but he has an unfair advantage. The snakes on his shield come alive in the middle of battles, killing his opponents.

And this is one big flaw right there. He’s fighting Arthur in the middle of the castle stadium – well, okay, not exactly a stadium. They’re castle bleachers, I guess – more evidence that the producers didn’t exactly have a Lord of the Rings-level budget to work with.

Anyway, these snakes that magically come to life to kill his opponents? How come no one – except Merlin, I mean – ever seems to see them?

While watching the first episode of Merlin, I mostly forgot that the show is a British import (airing last fall in the U.K. as The Adventures of Merlin).

Yes, yes, some British shows are terrific. Coupling was far funnier than 99% of the sitcoms on U.S. television, and I don’t dare suggest that Torchwood’s legions of fans are witnessing anything less than the television of equivalent of Citizen Kane. (And, to be sure, many American shows suck big-time.)

Still, while I’m not going to name names, let’s face it: sometimes the production values of British television are ridiculously low, and the teleplays seriously sub-par.

The first episode of Merlin more than held its own among the best television America has to offer. But the second episode was so lame it had me wondering if I’d been wrong about the first episode.