Escape from Brokeback Mountain: Other films that might ruin your child

By now you may have heard about the lawsuit leveled against the Chicago Board of Education after a substitute teacher showed Brokeback Mountain to a classroom full of 12-year-olds. While this was admittedly in exceedingly poor judgment (I know grown men who can't handle the film due to its emotional intensity), the parents of the "traumatized" little girl are complaining that the film went against their faith, suggesting that the gay element was the aspect of the film that disturbed them most.

Those who have seen the film know that the gay love story really shouldn't be the greatest cause for concern considering that the heterosexual relationships in the film are far more explicit. And really -- how many 12-year-old girls that you know would complain about getting to watch Jake Gyllenhaal for school credit? It also sounds like the school is a public school, in which case I don't know that the argument of "violating one's faith" will hold much water.

But in case it does, we've put together a short list of movies that, though sometimes screened in schools for educational purposes, should likewise absolutely, positively NOT be shown to anyone under the age of 18 due to their adult or distressing subject matter.

Romeo and Juliet
This movie is about teenagers having sex with kids that their parents don't like and then killing themselves. The classic 1968 version (which was shown to 14-year-olds in my Catholic high school) even shows Romeo's bare buns -- heck, this probably MADE me gay. And don't even get us started on the Leonardo DiCaprio version with all the drag queens and techno music -- literature, shmiterature!

The Passion of the Christ
Violent, anti-Semitic, and incredibly disturbing, this spite-filled gorefest puts the Saw franchise to shame. And yet it was embraced by the Church, who are apparently more comfortable having their children sit through two hours of torture porn than risking their being exposed to the concept of two men falling in love.

The Color Purple
Incest, spousal abuse, illegal rum-running, lesbianism, and loose morals abound in this Steven Spielberg film based on the classic novel. Never mind that it is a compelling look at the lives of Depression-era Southern blacks and a beautiful story of personal strength over adversity -- the drinking and premarital sex alone stretch the PG-13 to bursting.

Schindler's List
This Oscar-winning film about a man who saved thousands of people from being murdered by the Nazis features a graphic sex scene and very realistic violence, which doubtless negates any upside that the film might offer. Sure, kids see worse playing Grand Theft Auto, but why risk it, right?

Watership Down
Sure, on the surface this is just a movie about rabbits. But the undercurrents of socialism, occult themes (Fiver sees the future? Uh-huh...), references to drug culture, and a preoccupation with mating with willing does makes this one an adults-only venture. Unless you want your kids behaving like rabbits, keep this one out of schools.

Any other ideas?