"Desperate Housewives" season finale: Ice sculptures, mini pizzas and the most undercommitted commitment ceremony ever

I think I'm just going to have to go ahead and accept that Desperate Housewives just isn't for me. I've tried to hop on board the Wisteria Train several times now, and each attempt ends in carnage. Last night I gave the two-hour (two. full. hours.) season finale a shot because I heard that the Desperately Clinging-to-Their-Very-Existence Househusbands would be having some sort of "wedding thing" as a part of the big showstopper. Well, it stopped me, alright. From ever watching the show again.

Here's the deal: Bob (Tuc Watkins) and Lee (Kevin Rahm), who have very little to do on Hell's Cul-de-Sac other than throw Halloween parties for the straight people, install hideous exterior decor and take abuse, decide to have a commitment ceremony. This is decided in about 30 seconds at the beginning of the episode, leading to two hours of gay-wedding-related hilarity. Or at least, one would think it would. Funny, because the gay guys don't appear on screen again for over an hour.

In the meantime the ladies busy themselves making mini pizzas (or at least complaining about having to make mini pizzas) and organizing stuff for the big shindig. Apparently Bob and Lee are off at an ashram or something, because they're nowhere to be seen ... but when we finally do see them again, it's only to have them appear and squabble over an ice sculpture. Interestingly, Lee goes to the gay guy from Melrose Place for advice, and is told that his life is basically over, which is waaaay to meta for me to get into right now.

Anyway, the sissyboy slap party continues when the ice sculpture actually arrives and they threaten to call off the commitment ceremony because of it. Sigh. This is really what I need to be seeing three days after the repeal of the California same-sex marriage ban. I mean, this doesn't just feel like it's three days late, it feels about three decades late ... didn't this kind of thing used to happen on The Love Boat? Maybe Isaac can whip up a nice colada up on the Lido Deck and put everyone at ease.

After that, we catch a brief glimpse of the ceremony happening on the front yard during another plotline, and eventually Nathan Fillion drives through the party, plowing over tables and guests, to save Katherine from Harvey Birdman. I hope he at least ran over the ice sculpture.

Out of two hours (two. full. hours.), the gay guys are on screen for literally about three minutes, although the various burdens that they impose on their neighbors are discussed more than that. I guess it is a positive that no one blinks at the fact that it's two men getting hitched (any annoyance is in that all weddings are hard to plan), but when the wedding itself is interrupted by a man running over guests in a sensible two-cylinder, it's a bit too easy to dismiss the whole thing as just a joke. (A joke about as funny as the tired Mommie Dearest reference that Bob makes to Lee, btw.)

Interestingly, gay son Andrew (Shawn Pyfrom) doesn't appear once the entire episode, until the very last 30 seconds, after the show does its much-buzzed-about leap five years into the future (which also gives us our first 5-second look at Gale Harold as Susan's husband, if you're interested). No word on whether Andrew will be living with either Bob or Lee, as indicated in spoilers, but honestly the two are such an annoying couple that it probably wouldn't be a bad thing to get rid of at least one of them. And wait, is Nicollette Sherdian off the show for good? Seems like in the future Katherine is the new fifth ...

Any thoughts on the finale? (You can watch the whole episode over here, or at least the five gay minutes.) Let the evisceration of the Housewives-hater begin!