"Dirty Sexy Money" Sam Adams totally hogging the spotlight from his other adorable looks

A few weeks back I wrote that I kinda had a crush on Sam Adams, the newly-elected gay mayor of one of my favorite cities, Portland, OR. At the time I noted that the dashing politico looked to me like a cross between Peter Krause, Dwight Schrute, Morrissey and that guy from Who's Line Is It, Anyway? (Gary Poops? Something like that...)

Like most of my crushes, this one has ended in ruin: this week Adams revealed having lied about having relations of a sexual nature with a former intern named Beau Breedlove, the hottest-named kiss of death outside of the James Bond mythology. Some are calling for his resignation.

So with all the sex scandal and such it looks as though Dirty Sexy Money Sam Adams is the most aggressive of his "alters", in the end. But it led me to wonder: What indiscretions might have brought down Adams's other personalities?

My predictions, after the jump...

"Loves They Might Be Giants" Sam 

Accused of: Not recycling a single-serve Trader Joe's organic yogurt container even though it CLEARLY had the #2 recyclable symbol stamped in the bottom. And yes, we know that you were running between meetings, but there's always time to find a recycling bin, okay?

 "Deacon Sam"

Accused of: Skimming money out of the collection plates in order to fund his underground Dove of Peace Fighting Ring. Also: Nipped communion wine in the sacristy and used sway with Ladies' Auxiliary to garner undeclared casserole income.

(Bet you thought I was gonna go somewhere else with that one, eh?)  

"Strike Beard Sam"

Accused of: Stealing my heart. Then breaking it. Frowny-face.