IMHO "Kings" (1.02): Sorry, your place at the table has been maxed out

I was intrigued when I heard that NBC was bringing a pseudo-sci-fi show based on the Bible to primetime, and more intrigued when I started to see the safety orange, butterfly-adorned billboards popping up over NYC to promote Kings, the net's daring (and ratings-averse) new series.

I made it through the premiere episode and was looking forward to more intrigue, bitchery and fabulous locations. But this episode was so repetitive that I'm left on the fence whether I even want to continue. Join the discussion after the SPOILER-filled recaplet below.

For starters, my favorite thing about this episode was the continued involvement of the two random court guards, to whom I may as well refer as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. In this episode they're given more to do than speculate which color of panties the Queen is wearing today, and their bumbling attempts at ridding the castle of its pigeon problem will actually play a major role in the episode's Tippi Hedren-Approved Final Moment, which is becoming the show's hallmark. 

But first, brass tacks: David Shepherd blah blah nice guy blah Gath blah blah peace treaty OMG is that Miguel Ferrer?!? Okay, you've got me. Curse you, stunt-casting!

"Ferrer, was that you? Crack a window, man!"  

The king of Gath (to whom Shepherd kind-of accidentally surrendered to in the premiere) and Miguel Ferrer have come to Shiloh to negotiate a peace treaty. But really, the whole ordeal is just an excuse for King Silas to be all wishy-washy about whether he's going to have Shepherd shot. Again. And again .... and again ... and again ...

Meanwhile, Queen Rose is all about smacking her catering staff into shape and trying to mend fences with her brother (the head of the treasury), who has cut off the royal family and the government in general, mostly because he's the pedophile from Happiness.

And what of gay son, Jack?

He's shopping. Not even kidding.

Sebastian Stan as Jack
 

After being denied a place at the table (literally), Prince Jack takes the army shopping at Barney's, or something. Seriously, casting this kid as the next Hilton sister is a bad move, if you ask me. How threatening is a bitch with his daddy's platinum card? What, is he going to use his power to make sure his enemies can't get into Hyde? Ugh.

Plus, David's mom (Becky Ann Baker, whom I loved as Mrs. Weir on Freaks and Geeks) is there to visit and mention in every sentence that her husband and son both died fighting for the country. Which is terrible, granted, but this show's getting monotonous enough without another one-note character droning on about her one trait every time we see her. Please give this woman something to do!

Well, fat chance, because David puts her in a cab back to Point Prosperity and a sniper sent to shoot him (who doesn't get the king's last IM to "OMG TOTES DNT SHOOT DAVID LOLZ!") squeezes off a shot ... which is intercepted by the week's flying flock, in this case the pigeons that R&G drove out of the eaves with a grenade. Sadly, unlike last week's butterflies, the pigeons don't land on his head. And since they also don't shit on his head or drop eyeballs into his coffee, this show clearly isn't shot in New York City.

The whole "divine plan" thing is kind of fun, granted. The stiff, melodramatic dialogue and formality are also interesting nods to the source material and give the whole enterprise a sort of mythic weight that distinguishes it from, say, Dirty Sexy Money (which was essentially the same damn show). But they need to mix stuff up, and fast. The introduction of Dr. Guggenheim (Brian Cox) as the king's prisoner (and former/would-be king?) and probable birth father to the Princess is interesting, so let's hope they really shake things up with that, and actually give Jack something to stimulate other than the economy.

Anyone else still watching? What'd you think of the second ep?