In which we discuss the ending of Harry Potter

You may have noticed that the Harry Potter: Lovable Boy Pagan series has hardly gotten mention on AfterElton.com, except for rare occasions where fanfic writers have gotten him pregnant or painted him in compromising positions with Draco Malfoy. (Did I say "rare"? I meant "blissfully rare".) That's because the biggest moneymaking book and movie franchise of the millennium is utterly and thoroughly heterosexual. There are no gay men or women to speak of at all in J.K. Rowling's world of wizards and witches and muggles and increasingly annoying house elves.

And should there be? Arguments that this is a kids' series and that "adult topics" like homosexuality shouldn't be a part of children's fantasy books are utter Hufflepuff -- by the end of the series a slew of beloved characters have been horribly murdered, trusts have been betrayed and all three of the main characters have played their share of tonsil-tennis. It's not like we're talking about the Rugrats here.

In fact, in a school full of incredibly progressive teenagers flexing their magical muscles for the first time, it's pretty ridiculous to imagine that there aren't a few gay kids. And given that one of the overall aims of the books is to promote understanding of the strange or different (in interviews, Rowling comes across as strongly socially liberal, even though her books may ultimately reveal her to be philosophically conservative), it's undeniably a missed opportunity that there wasn't one gay kid in the mix.

But there wasn't, and that's that. Still, there are lots of gay folks (myself included) who read and enjoyed the books and suffered through the Chris Columbus-directed movies to get to the good ones (Azkaban!!), and I thought I'd open up a discussion here for folks who wanted to chat about the final installment. (I was disappointed -- sorry!) If you don't want to have any surprises ruined, you may not want to click through, as spoilers will undoubtedly come up. But if you'd like to weigh in with your thoughts or don't care if we give away that it's revealed that Voldemort is Harry's real father -- OOOPS! (oh, I keeed! I keeed!), click through for the spoiler-filled discussion...

*-*-MUGGLES ... er ... SPOILERS-*-*

It's saying something when, a week after having finished the book, the most disturbing memory from it is that they blew up an effing owl.

Yes, I was disappointed for two main reasons: first, the structure was, to me, not satisfying. And second, it was just too easy. A death that really wasn't a death? A spectral reunion with Dumbledore where he explains everything to him? Come on -- what is this, Highway to Heaven?

About the structure: Hogwarts Year Seven was neither Hogwarts nor year seven. Discuss. The fact that they didn't go to school was interesting, but in the end it actually only served to highlight just how clever Rowling was in running with the schoolyear structure in the first place: it let her get away with murder. Remember how in the first six books Harry would be trying to figure out some riddle and pissing off Hermione and Ron left and right but Quiddich and classes and detention and whatnot kept the three from communicating or getting anything done?

Brilliant stalling technique that worked in the hyper-busy school setting. But which doesn't work when the three characters are stuck in a tent together in the middle of nowhere for, like, SIX MONTHS. Seriously -- where in the heck did all the time go? And how easy was it for absolutely nothing to happen or be discussed among the three runaways for stretched of weeks and months when they literally had nothing to do other than get on each other's nerves? The lack of general business for me left the story hung out to dry for a good 100 pages before they got to Hogwarts. Couldn't we have checked in sooner with the kids in Dumbledore's Army?

As for the other point ... I hate to be the guy to say this, but if you hype the ending for years with the claim that Rowling was planning on killing one of the three main kids by the end of the series, you have to kill one. Like, actually kill one -- not just have him stunned into a Bruce Almighty moment or whatever the hell happened when Voldemort whacked Harry at the pig-roast or luau or whatever the heck was going on in the woods. The narrative pretzels that were bent to get him back alive were disappointing (chewy, not enough salt) and I feel like Fred was just killed as a red-headed concession, since most people felt that Ron was going to get it anyway.

Speaking of ... did anyone else notice what seemed like a bait-and-switch between books six and seven in regards to the Horcruxes? In book six it's established that a cursed locket was stolen by someone with the monogram R.A.B., and that the kids have to find it because it's PUUUURE EEEEEEVIL! Later in the book, Ron (who's dating Lavender Brown, as I remember) mentions in passing that Lav gave him a locket for Valentine's Day or something with a letter on it that may have been S. Brown's last name is a B, and it was pretty clear to me that it was being suggested that her father might have been R.A.B. and that she might have unwittingly come to possess the cursed object and passed it on to Ron, putting him in danger.

Anyone else think this? Did Rowling plan on offing Ron and back off? Or other thoughts in general about Hallows and its resolution? Please don't tell me I'm the only crankypants who's complaining that we have three living protagonists in the epilogue. I mean, I really don't hate happy people THAT much.