Liveblogging and video of As the World Turns' big gay kiss!

That's right, folks: Michael's only been gone a week and already I've lost my mind and am taking a crack at Liveblogging today's historic episode of As the World Turns, in which gay teen Luke Snyder (Van Hansis) has the first gay teen male kiss in daytime history with his friend Noah (Jake Silbermann). Now, I had never seen the show prior to the gay love story's introduction, and I've never watched any scenes not directly involving Luke and Noah. So this is gonna get ugly.

To get up-to-date ... er ... updates on what's happening as it's happening, just refresh the page. See how I said that like I know it's going to work and it sounded totally believable? Amazing.

*-*-SPOILERS, NATCH-*-*

Just click through the jump for the ongoing magic...

Okay, I just watched the kiss again IN THE INTEREST OF GAY ENTERTAINMENT JOURNALISM, thank you, and it lasts a full five seconds. Noah makes the first move, and after a quick peck, Luke draws back in surprise, then gives in. It's totally great.

Oh, and after that, Blonde Cougar tried to get PDEF out of the Malt-O-Meal ... er, quicksand ... and while saving the kid fell in herself, and went under. Burble.

2:59 EDT: And that's it! Guess they opted not to use the "dad walks in on the kissing boys" ending, but we do see in the preview for next week that Luke may tell Maddie about the kiss, and Noah's dad apparently sees something that shocks him through a window.

And that's it! The kiss was actually surprisingly tender and kinda hot -- and shot in full, loving close-up. Any concerns about the gay story being danced around should be put to rest. Thanks for putting up with my babbling -- we'll be back to follow the fallout on ATWT next week!

2:55 EDT:

2:53 EDT: BC has found PCEF -- he was on a leftover set from Gilligan's Island, and he's somehow managed to get himself into a quicksand pit! Before you can say Pitfall Joe, we cut to commercial.

Another Army ad. Eh?

Oooh! Rusty Joiner! That's more like it.

Maddie and Noah's dad are waiting for Noah in a fancy sitting room. They make very awkward small-talk. Maddie is clearly not enjoying the experience. Noah's dad says he wishes he had more kids (Maddie has 6 siblings) and says that Maddie turned out beautifully despite not coming from an Army family. He then confesses that he thought that Noah might have been lying when he said he had a girlfriend, just to make him happy. Maddie confesses that Noah is why she's staying in Oakdale, which impresses his father, who then notices how late Noah is, leading him into another tirade.

Back at the station, Luke hands Noah the most Republican tie in daytime history. Luke moves to tie the tie for Noah, and their eyes meet. Luke asks what's wrong, Noah mumbles "nothing..."

And...

They kiss!!!

2:42 EDT: Maria Menounos trusts Pantene Expressions, and it warms my heart in unexpected ways. Rapidly losing interest and increasingly needing to make water. Fortunately, the himbo-happy Cane preview snaps me back to life. Lily blames herself for everything going back through Vatican II. I'm tempted to agree with her. Hey -- it's Luke! He got Noah and Maddie lunch! Noah obviously still doesn't want to have anything to do with him. Noah is going to be late for lunch, he realizes, and he scrambles to get out. Luke offers to get him a tie from wardrobe and tells Noah to relax. Luke smiles and somewhere a baby kitten spontaneously bursts to life out of thin air.

2:37 EDT: Back at the house, Austin is on the phone with someone, stressing, "S as in Sam!" Er ... how many S's are in Sam, anyway? Grizzly catches BC and the chase is on!

Hey -- can anyone tell me if that Nasonex bee is voiced by Antonio Banderas?

What's this Kid Nation show? Because if there's one thing we've been missing, it's a reality show based on Lord of the Flies.

And where the hell is Luke? He's on his lunch break, sure. But where did he go for lunch, Provincetown?

BC gives Grizzly a steampipe blast to the face and then whacks him on the back of the head with a wrench. To summarize: Miss Denim, in the Basement, with the Wrench.

Back at the station, Maddie tries to bow out of lunch but papa isn't letting her. She finally relents and the kids agree to meet him at the hotel (and he tells Noah to put on a tie). She mentions that she'll have Luke cover like a good gay sidekick. Noah and Maddie kiss. EEEEEW!

2:28 EDT: Oh -- it's that Tampax commercial where the women upgrade to the closet from Ugly Betty, a gay gym, and ... a gay tampon? Back at Elm Street. Ugh. Last time I had to watch this, I suggested creating a drinking game for whenever anyone said "J.J." Same goes here. I'm so sick of hearing the name that I'm referring to the kid as PCEF (Pre-Curse Edward Furlong). Grizzly returns and catches PCEF loose, with the Blonde Cougar hiding. Back at the hotel, Lily pulls hooker patrol duty and bounces the lady lobbyist. Back at the station, Noah tells his dad that he's not joining the Army. His dad admits he doesn't think Noah's ambitions are worthwhile and Noah says he's proud of his dad's service but that it's not his thing. Maddie comes back at just the wrong moment and Noah's dad's all, "Who's this little tart?!" He didn't realize that Noah had a girlfriend and is obviously pleased -- he offers to take the kids out to lunch. Hmm. Think pops was just afraid Noah was a 'mo and now that he thinks he's straight he'll lay off the Army thing?

2:19 EDT: Noah asks his father what "you want to make a man out of me" means. His dad lays some crap on him about how he told Noah not to cry when he was two and he didn't cry and that made him proud (uh -- paging Dr. Spock, Dr. Freud, and Dr. Phil). Noah thinks this means his dad is going to let him go to Northwestern, but his dad says if he wants to be a filmmaker he needs to experience hardship. Uh -- sorry, but I went to film school and everyone I knew thought "hardship" was only having a Platinum Amex rather than a Black Amex. His dad then says he's giving him a cash gift with which he can do what he wants, which doesn't sound like hardship -- but the catch is that he has to join the Army. Meanwhile, back at the hotel, Lily seals the deal with the creepy lobbyist woman, who it turns out is actually a hooker. Oops! In her defense, I think the terms are occasionally interchangeable in Washington as well.

2:12 EDT: Back on Elm Street, JJ fakes an asthma attack to cover up his mom's fumble. The kidnappers fantasize about having air conditioning and a white picket fence in something that sounds more like a scene from Les Miserables than a kidnapping drama. Jacob taunts DCC and encourages her to take the money and run, and she decides to. It's like reverse Stockholm Syndrome. Blonde Cougar gets to JJ and the music oddly sounds like the repetitive background music from the Resident Evil games. Back at the house, Austin has his shirt on, so I'm playing with the cat. No, that's not a euphemism.

2:07 EDT: OOOH! Shirtless Austin Peck! Not in a towel, but shirtless nonetheless. They at least know who's tuning in today. Oh -- before that, Lily (Luke's mom) was accosted by some creepy woman about having a bunch of politicians stay at the hotel. Then we move to Freddy Kruger's boiler room, where Grizzly Adams and Dimestore Claudia Christian are complaining about not having better accommodations -- apparently kidnappers in this town are usually treated to free rooms at Embassy Suites. Suddenly the Blonde Cougar, in what looks to be a full-body denim outfit, kicks over what sounds like an empty oil drum on the cement stairs. She sees her kid chained to the boiler. CUT TO COMMERCIAL! Ad for the Army. Um ... somebody didn't do their market research for this particular timeslot.

2:02 EDT: Okay, here we go. Already, the preview for ATWT that just ran involved kidnapping, a hot cougar punching out Grizzly Adams, and a kid in quicksand. I can't believe this show has been missing from my life for so long. In the opening moments, Noah and Maddie chat on the set of the show. Noah and Maddie are talking about their Film in Social Change class and Maddie runs off to the registrar to sign up. Suddenly, Noah's dad shows up and says he wants to know just what it is that's keeping Noah in town. He makes another mention of "making a man out of him". Ooooooooooh...