Liveblogging "As the World Turns": Bloody Birthday!

If I've said it once I've said it a million times: It's just not a 21st birthday party until someone dies.

That's right, today death visits Oakdale after receiving an invitation to Butters' birthday bash and deciding to visit the youngun's as they party the night away. And you'll never guess who loses to him in a drinking contest...

Yes, one of Oakdale's certified gays will be heading off to that big hot tub in the sky, kicking off a new mystery for Luke, Noah and all the others.

Refresh often to find out how things go down ... as they happen!

"I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday ..."

2:56PM EST: Butters, straddling Jade on the couch, rips his shirt off. Ali, scrambling away in terror, knocks over something on the patio and Jade's all, "did you hear that?"

Luke and Noah run into Elwood in Old Town and Luke attacks him, accusing him of killing Reg with the drugs. Elwood's all, "back off, crazypants!" and runs off and Luke screams "MURDERER!! MURDERER!!" after him and then collapses in Noah's arms, weeping. Either we missed out on some serious Luke/Reg bonding time that would justify this emotional outburst, or they need to adjust Luke's Zimbalta dosage.

Butters and Jade are halfway to happytown. Ali goes back to Matt (who's back on shift? Lord, I want to work there!) to drown her sorrows in unlimited free ginger ale. She says she and Butters "are officially ..."

Preview Time!: Lots more Nuke fun, with the boys walking in on Butters and Jade and accusing Elle Woods of killing Reg. Sorry, I think that was "Elwood". We'll be back tomorrow to join the fun!! 

2:49PM EST: The doc tells Luke and Noah that Reg died of a drug overdose and when Luke says that can't be true Noah points out that Tony was into recreational hottub/drug use, so who knows. As Luke and Noah discuss how inconvenient this is for them a HUGE bag of pills falls out of Reg's jacket, which Noah is holding. They remember running into Reg and Elwood in the alley and Luke blurts, "Elwood killed Reg!" and runs off. 

Henry realizes that Cafe Vienna may have gotten pregnant already from the last punctured condom and makes her jump up and down to make the egg fall out of her, or something - I have no idea, but it's kinda hilarious. 

Meanwhile, Austin from Days doesn't want to have a baby because he likes having sex in the kitchen. Oh come on, like that stopped my parents! 

Ali and Matt get back to Yo's and learn that Matt accidentally killed an underage kid and Ali calls to make sure it's not Butters. Matt, meanwhile, seems oddly unconcerned about all of this, even when his hunky co-worker tells him he needs to make a police statement about serving a gaggle of underage kids, one of whom DIED.

Over at Chez Butters, our drunk non-birthday boy puts on some music and tries to get Jade to sleep with him. She's all "well .... okay!" and they go at it, when of course Ali comes up the walk to check on him. Awkward! 

2:40PM EST: Luke tries to wake Reg up and Butters is too drunk to realize anything's wrong. Jade tries to get him out of there. Um, aren't they all underage? I'd think they should all get the heck out before the cops show. Just leave a note on the dead gay, they'll figure it out.

Oh, and it goes without saying that Matt should be getting SO FIRED for all this.

Austin from Days and BO have some pillow-talk where he says he doesn't think they need a baby after all. So we're guessing she's pregnant already, then?

Meanwhile Henry and Cafe Vienna are doing their best to turn my gay stomach with their flagrant heterosexual antics. HAVE THEY NO SHAME?

And Henry catches Vienna poking a hole in a condom. Maybe she should have taken care of that earlier? Just sayin'.

Over at Java, Matt and Ali are hanging out talking over coffee. Wait, what? Hold on, did they head out before the big gay blackout?

At the hospital Luke and Noah wait to see what the doctors are going to say about Reg, who is wheeled into a room. They hardly have time to remember Reg's ex-boyfriend's name (Tony!) when the doctor comes out and tells them that Reg is dead. Seriously, it's been like 15 seconds, and nobody rushed into the room to do CPR or anything. Leave it to Oakdale General to waste no time in killing off a patient! 

2:27PM EST: Jade comments to Butters that "Luke and Noah are really doing their thing" on the dancefloor, which only highlights the fact that they're denying us the sight of Nuke getting their boot-scoot on. Butters goes to get more drinks but suddenly Elwood, who framed Butters for selling the stolen manuscripts, shows up out of nowhere and asks if he can crash the party. Butters is reluctant but Jade tells him to dance away the heartache, dance away the pain, and he's just drunk enough to comply. 

Austin and Blonde Obstacle are about to have sexy-time on what might very well be a display at Bed Bath & Beyond.

Luke and Noah dancing! Ha! They are winded from all the hoofing and go outside, and catch Elwood and Reg talking in the alley, and tell Reg what Elwood did to Butters. Inside, Matt points out that Ali is staring at Butters and Jade notices that Butters is staring at Ali, so she tries to get him drunker.

Henry and Cafe Vienna are about to have sexy-time in the furthest reaches of my deepest, darkest personal hell. 

Elwood tells Butters that he used to watch Ali's pornos all the time, and Butters punches him. Ali calls Butters an "ass" for starting a fight, but suddenly ... Reg is on the floor. GAY DOWN! 

2:18PM EST: Butters insists that he isn't letting Ali get to him and tells Jade that she's getting between him and his couch. She wishes! She still convinces him to come to Yo's. 

Over at the bar, Luke and Noah meet up with Reg, better known as the captain of the Oakdale Gay Hot Tub Team. He tells the boys that he picked up a card and some gag gifts for Butters. I smell a purchase from Spencer Gifts!

Okay, so Luke just ordered a round from Matt and went to put it on his card, telling Matt it's Butters's 21st birthday ... does this mean Luke is older than Butters? And why do Ali and Matt not know that it's Butters's birthday ... or that it isn't, rather?

Later, Matt brings the guys more shots, and Little Lord Singlekidney turns his down, so Reg and Noah drink. Butters and Jade show up and they surprise him with a shot and the fact that they're the only people there. Luke drags Noah out onto the dancefloor. Aww! And Butters tries to get Ali to drop her panties as a birthday present and she's suitably disgusted, so he just gets drunk with Jade instead. 

2:08PM EST: Matt! Sorry, I kinda have a tendency to yell that rather than say it. Anyway, Matt! sneaks up on Ali at the hospital and tells her he and his Brokeback Mountain jacket are sticking around and expecting her to hang out with him. He's now bartending at Yo's and wants her to hang out with him, and she of course jumps at the chance, having nothing else whatsoever to do. He also ropes Butters (who can rock a pair of coveralls like nobody's biz) into visiting but once he learns Ali is coming he drops out.

Over at Java, Noah tells Luke he switched shifts with his co-worker Brian (my pleasure, Noah!) to have off on Valentine's Day, since he fully expects Luke to take him out. They kiss and rub noses and in the background Jade almost barfs up her biscotti. Together the three of them plan a surprise party for Butters, who turns 21 on Valentine's Day. But hey, what's a few days when it's the legal drinking age and you're throwing the party at a bar? Uh...

Over at Metro Henry, General Foods International Coffees Cafe Vienna, Austin from Days and Blonde Obstacle are talking about BO's attempts to get pregnant until Henry declares, "okay, everyone off of Katie's ovaries!" And Cafe Vienna demands to know why she isn't devastated and gets her to admit that she threw away the diaphragm without telling Austin. Yeah, because that always ends well. 

Back at the hospital, Jade accuses Butters of blowing him off for not agreeing to come to Yo's for his surprise party.