Liveblogging "As the World Turns": Expelliarmus!!

Today we learn that, as a result of his underhanded campaign tactics and Noah's decision not to lie for him, Luke is expelled from Hogwarts Oakdale U. Looks like it's correspondence school for young Snyder! (Might I recommend Air Conditioner Repair?) 

How will Luke's shady politics and clear obsession with Kevin affect his relationship with Noah? And how exactly will his grandma's BFF Brian "Wheatables" Wheatley play into all this?

Click on through the jump and refresh often to find out ... as it happens! 

Expecto dramatis!

2:55PM EST: Butters and Ali are skateboarding outside the high school. Boy, that's exciting! Maybe they'll get arrested for soliciting minors on top of it.

Back at the Lily Pad, Lily goes off to tattle to Holden and Noah tells Luke that he couldn't lie. Luke is furious and screams at him that he didn't turn Luke in because it was "the right thing" but because he is jealous. Ouch! 

Lady Drumstick tells Wheatables that they shouldn't get physical until she gets her new breasts, and Wheats says "I'm interested in you, not your breasts" and hugs her. Nope, nothing wrong here!

Noah and Luke get deep into an argument, with Luke blaming Noah for everything. He plays the "oh, why don't I just go enlist" card and Noah's all, "Whoa, low blow." Luke says he can't even look at him. Noah asks if Luke wants him to stay and Luke says "no", and as Noah is leaving Luke screams, "IF YOU DON'T WANNA BE HERE, NOAH, YOU SHOULD JUST GO!"

Preview Time!: Luke gets trashed! Oh boy this is gonna be fun... 

2:48PM EST: Alyssa Milano has a line of NFL wear for ladies?! Way to go, Samantha!

Lady D and GLily come home to find Luke and Wheatables making hanging out and Wheats whisks Lady D away so Luke and Lily can have some time alone. Lily notices that Luke is distracted and he sits her down to tell her that he's a lousy cheat. He's clearly sorry about it, and when he tells her that he was expelled she's all, "your life is over". Ding-dong!

It's Noah. Luke tells him that he doesn't want to speak to him and that he was expelled because of what he told the Dean. 

Ali and Butters whip out their shady pasts for a game of "I'm the bigger loser", with Ali besting Butters's "convicted felon" with her "meth addict porn star". Advantage Ali! Butters tells her that he was expelled along with Luke and she concedes the victory to him. Then she drags him off to "someplace fun and cool." Hey, they're leaving Oakdale? 

2:37PM EST: Dusty just said "something tells me I'll never lose you, Emily." Maybe not, but once-a-day Valtrex can help with outbreaks.

Oh, and Josie has worked her pussycat magic on some dresses for Mrs. Kardashian and finds one of Jennifer's designs. Then she picks up a picture of Jennifer's dad and is all "who's this?" This chick's got a way with digging up the wrong past ... it's like Audrey Rose for the Activia set!

Wheatables tries to talk Luke down but he's not having it. He's all, "aren't you going to tell me how I effed up the Foundation?" and Wheats is all, "Mmm, no, you're doing okay on your own."

2:25PM EST: Lady D just said that Wheatables "isn't a male nurse or anything ... but he's detached." GLily assures her that she's not going anywhere. Drumstick tells her that her relationship with Wheats isn't romantic, he just doesn't have any sense of boundaries.

Outside the Lily Pad, Luke runs into Wheatables, who tells him that his mom is off with Lady D. Wheats's Gay Teen Angst Senses start tingling, and he asks Luke what's wrong. Luke tells him that he just got expelled. 

Back at Dean Rayburn's, Butters barges in and tells the Dean that he was the one who fixed the election and that Luke had nothing to do with it. The Dean says that if that's the case he's expelled. That was easy! 

Emily just attacked Dusty like one of those face-huggers from Alien. Sexy! 

2:18PM EST: Okay, the Playskool ad where the kid chases around the hot dad in khakis with the police motorcycle toy and throws him in jail? Put one of those things on my Christmas list.

Josie is wowing us with her detailed knowledge of dress-making. 

Okay, where's my gays?!

Wheatables leaves Lady D and GLily to not enjoy their drink together. GLily guesses that her mom's cancer is back.

Back at Dean Rayburn's, he gives Luke a little pep talk about how he would have been a great leader if he weren't an election-fixing sack of crap. Meanwhile, Noah gets back to Java and Butters corners him and finds out that Noah talked to the Dean, and Butters flips out and brings up how Luke lied for Noah for months over the Ameera thing. Zing!

The Dean tells Luke that Noah told him that he stuffed the ballot-box and asks Luke if it's true. This would be the perfect opportunity for Luke to point out that there hasn't been anything even close to box-stuffing going on between them, but Luke doesn't answer.

2:07PM EST: We start off with Ali having a Butters flashback (Butterback?) while deciding not to return his call. Meanwhile, Butters is at Java and he gets a coffee from the hunkadunk barista, who asks if he was caught up in "Snydergate". Heh!

Back at Dean Rayburn's, Noah says to Luke, "I'm sorry..." and walks out, and the Dean calls Luke into his boudoir.

Lady Drumstick and Wheatables are having dinner and I'm spotting a continuity error already: Lady D's martini glass is full, suggesting that it's been in front of her for at least a minute or two without being downed. As if!

Lady D tells Wheats that she'll drop the cancer talk because the two of them are "good kissers" (eew!) and, on cue, he calls in Gilded Lily to take his place.

Meanwhile, Dusty has taken Josie to get new clothes, where she asks for something a little sluttier, and Mrs. Kardashian comes up and kicks her out of the store. Emily has been poking around and tells Dusty that she can't find any background on the ginger nymph, and he tells her to butt out.