Liveblogging "As the World Turns": Fiddler on the roof

The roof is on fire ... with the sound of bickering gay lovers!

In today's As the World Turns, Casey "Butters" Hughes (who has over the past year easily become my favorite Oakdale resident, and not just because he has an apparent allergy to shirts) decides to play yenta by locking estranged gay virgins Luke and Noah out on a rooftop together. Genius!

Will anything come of Butters' meddling? Or, dare I say, "fiddling"? No? K. Just let me know when I get too greedy.

Join me after the break and click often to find out ... as it happens!

"Abductionnnnnn .... ABDUCTION!"

2:55 PM EST: Uh, why did Quaker Oats Lady just admit to Craig that she had an affair with Holden? He laughs and says, "well, you can lead a horticulture..."

Lily Holden blahblahblah...

Luke comes home to find his parents making out and when Lady D comes in Lily tries to get her to apologize to him but she still won't. Luke swipes the candy dish off Principal Blackman's desk and runs off.

Meanwhile, Butters tries to convince Ali that they need to try again playing amateur matchmaker/kidnapper to Nuke. Atta Butters!

Craig tells Quaker Oats Lady that he'll give her the money, no strings attached, and she replies, "with you there are always strings." He's like canned peaches, that one!

Preview Time: No Nuke. See ya next week, hopefully for some resolution to all this! 

2:45PM EST: Noah threatens to call the police and Butters lets them back in, and Luke and Noah read them the riot act, with Noah telling Ali that their little scheme didn't work. Butters at least has the self-awareness to say that this isn't the stupidest stunt he's pulled. Indeed! 

Lady Drumstick marches into Al's and starts screaming at no one in particular that she wants someone to make her a milkshake, because hers clearly isn't bringing any boys to the yard.

Jade tells Lady D to back off Luke and says that Brian would be gay whether or not Luke jumped his bones, and Lady D cancels her "order" and takes her shitstorm elsewhere.

2:37PM EST: Butters and Ali high-five (um, hello - so ten minutes ago. All the hospital kids are doing terrorist fist-bumps these days) and say that when Luke and Noah get married they'll thank them for this.

Outside, Luke and Noah are getting into it but honestly the all-too familiar sound of a New York City bus almost overwhelms their dialogue. Luke tries to make Noah regret ever falling for him in the first place and Noah says, "don't make your making out with your peepaw MY fault". Luke says it's hard to be perfect and asks what happened to trying to work through the bad stuff, and asks if Noah can't love him for him, and not what he wants him to be.

Is this the part where Richard Gere climbs up the fire escape? 

Noah says he does love Luke, but that doesn't mean he gets a free pass. Luke says in his family love means "unconditional" and Noah's all, "whatEVER Mr. Maddieparanoiapants!" They admit that they're both messed up and Noah says maybe they should focus on themselves and not them as a couple, and Luke says he doesn't know how to do that. Yeah, we've noticed.

Ali and Butters don't hear anything outside and assume that Luke and Noah are making out. But just as Butters is about to kiss Ali, Luke pounds on the door and demands that they open it. 

2:27PM EST: OMG, Quaker Oats Lady just asked Holden for a $100,000 loan. Has she been jetting off to Mohegan Sun or something?!

Lily's giving Lady D the whole "there are other fish in the sea ... and some of them aren't gay!" routine.

Ali interrupts Jade and Luke to ask Luke's help with Butters, and upon hearing his name Jade's like, "I'm outta here". Wow, they're really playing up their friction, aren't they? Ali asks Luke if he can pass Butters a note for her that says CHECK THIS BOX IF YOU LIKE ME and he agrees. Meanwhile, Butters pulls the same trick on Noah, and gets him to go to the hospital with him to meet Ali on the roof.

Is it just me or does Butters have a stuffy nose?

Over at the roof, Luke and Ali are standing out in the cold waiting for Butters to show up and Luke says that maybe getting together with Butters isn't the best idea for her after all. Butters shows up with Noah and he grabs Ali and closes the door, trapping Luke and Noah outside together. And Noah without a coat? That Hughes kid is meshuggenah!

2:17PM EST: Luke says he knows it doesn't mean anything, but he's so sorry, and leaves Lady D to feel sorry for herself with Lily. Okay, she got a raw deal. We'll let her take a swim in lake D.

At Java, Ali tells Noah that Luke must have had a good reason to make out with his grandfather, and Noah says that yes, he was jealous of Maddie. Sounds reasonable to me! Ali tells him that he can't let one peepaw-diddling moment destroy all they had. Noah says he does love Luke, but he's not sure things will ever be right again.

Meanwhile Luke accosts Butters and Jade at Al's and gives Butters the boot to have some private time with his BFF, and Butters runs into Ali outside and she tells him that Luke and Noah broke up and they decide they have to do something about that. Awwww! If these two didn't eff up everything they touched that would almost be sweet.

2:07PM EST: In quite the turnaround from where we left things, Lady Drumstick is already giving Luke mad guilt for betraying her. Uh, didn't she just tell Lily upstairs that they had to protect him? Anyway, she gives Luke the "are you happy you gayed up my husband, Wheatable-robber?" treatment and Lily steps in to tell her to back the hell up.

Meanwhile, Noah is doing what Noah always does: Making coffee for overbearing townsfolk. It turns out that this particular overbearing folk is Ali, who notices that Noah is bummed about something and presses him about how his New Year's was. Noah spills the Arabica beans about Luke and Brian and Ali's jaw hits the floor.

Meanwhile meanwhile, Butters accosts Jade at Al's and within seconds she's asked him if he got any action in prison. HOT! Welcome back, bitch.

Lady D tells Luke he betrayed her and he says he honestly thought Brian was going to change. He apologizes for kissing her husband and says there's nothing she could say to make him feel worse than he already does. I bet I can think of something ... "Hey, Maddie's here!" Just kidding.

Oh, it's a Quaker Oats day! YAHOO!