Liveblogging "As the World Turns": Full House

Today the Luke/Noah/Peepaw Wheatables triangle is pushed even further when Luke's handsy new grandfather Brian Wheatley-Walsh moves into his house. When Luke tries to tell Noah about what happened, his sorta-ex boyfriend doesn't want to believe it. After all, if he doesn't want to get down and dirty with Luke, who would? Right?!

It's another big week for Oakdale's scrappiest functioning alcoholic gay virgin. Join us for the fun by clicking through the jump and refreshing for breaking updates! 

And away we go...

2:55PM EST: Dusty tries to wrestle the gun away from Paul...

Meanwhile Luke arrives home and instantly takes a swig from a bottle of what might be whiskey and could be balsamic vinegar. Wheats comes in and Luke starts yammering about how he should stay away from him and not to molest him and blah blah. Actually, Luke is starting to go a bit overboard with this.

Wheats stresses that he married Lady D grandmother and is committed to her and Luke tells him that he doesn't trust him. When Wheats nears him Luke yells "never touch me again!" and takes off, with Wheats watching him go. Interesting....

Oh, and Dusty just shot Paul, who was attacking him with an axe. Meg saw the whole thing. Merry Christmas!

Preview Time!: No Nuke, but we understand they might be on regardless. We'll let you know... 

2:49PM EST: Paul admits to Dusty that he hired Josie and her Pussycat to keep him away from Meg.  

Noah brings Luke something "to help him calm down", telling him, "it's herbal". And it's a gateway drug, Luke! Don't do it!

Luke tells Noah he knows the difference between a friendly pat on the back and making out, and Noah says, "well, usually ... when you're not drunk." ... Or under mistletoe or during a Valentine's Day episode. Luke insists that Wheats initiated the kiss and that he didn't misinterpret a friendly gesture. He says his grandmother's new husband wants to go to bed with him. Noah asks if Wheats said that and Luke snaps, "No, but I could tell. Just like I could tell with you!"

Well that solves it. Wheats is straight! 

Oh, and Paul just pulled a gun on Dusty. "Tell me how you get such bounce and body or I'll shoot!"

2:40PM EST: Lady D says that she knows that Brian "got off on the wrong foot" with Luke (good Lord, what else happened while he was passed out?!) but that he has her best interests at heart. She urges him to stay at the Pad for her, and he agrees. She says that by the time they leave, Luke and Wheats may have moved on to another level! Or base, whichever comes first.

Inside, Lily is giving the same spiel to Wheats.

Luke pops over to Java to talk to Noah, and Noah (who looks like of tousled and hot ... single life is treating him well!) takes five to hear him out. Luke spills the beans on Wheats "coming on to him" (can't he just say "kiss"?) and about their current combustible living situation. When Noah balks at the fact that Wheats is a big homophobe Luke quips "the gentleman doth protest too much" and calls him a closet case.  

2:28PM EST: Luke comes back with a duffel bag, and even Holden notices that he didn't pack much. He then pulls a basketball out of the duffel, meaning that there might be room for a pair of underwear left in the bag. What kind of gay is he? Looks like he'll be borrowing Holden's hair product.

It is cute that Holden and Luke are going to play b-ball together, though. Not so cute? When Lily comes home with Wheats and Lady D in tow. Luke dramatically drops the basketball, reminding me of that Valerie Harper made-for-TV movie where her kid's falling off the roof is parallel cut with her dropping a watermelon in the kitchen. Only this is less sticky.

Meg has a flash-forward fantasy of Paul coming in in a Santa suit while she holds their unborn baby. Either that or I just ate a bad enchilada. 

Luke tells his family that he might just move back to the farm but Lily isn't having it. He steps out for some air and Lady D asks Holden to show Peepaw where they're "going to be billeted". Oh, and also show him the bedpan and introduce him to the charwoman while you're at it. WTF?! She goes after Luke to find out what his problem is.

2:16PM EST: I hate to do this, but it's so boring to watch Meg and Paul talk about their Christmas baby plans that I'm left with nothing to do but insult his hair. Does Paige Davis know you stole her 'do?

Over at the Lily Pad, Holden asks Luke if he caught a bug or something. Nope, just a case of the gay and a slight Heineken fever. Luke asks if it's okay for him to move home.

Meanwhile, over at Irony Towers, Lily is asking Lady D. and Wheats to move into the Lily Pad as well. Wheats makes a crack about how they could live in a tent if they wanted to and Lady D doesn't think that sounds too appealing ... what, did she forget how many pillows he takes camping? It's like a Turkish bed up in there.

Wheats seems concerned that Luke will be living so nearby and we get some ominous music. Hmm ... is the tone shifting for Peepeaw? Lady D gets him to agree to move in but he seriously looks like someone just dumped a plate of cold Jell-O into his pants.

2:06PM EST: We meet up with a flat-ironed Gilded Lily running into Lady Drumstick and Brian "Wheatables" Drumstick-Wheatley at the hotel, where they are apparently moving into one of Lily's revolving rooms. She's not having it - she needs those rooms for murders and stuff!

Meanwhile, Luke is having his morning beer when he doubles over in pain. He actually looks at the beer like he misread the label or something (It looked just like Skinny & Sweet!) and dumps it down the sink.  

Dusty and Emily and Meg and Ice Truck Killer are also joining us today. Make them feel welcome. Ice Trucks has bought the biggest Christmas tree in the world and when he goes to get the axe to cut it down a little, Mg asks if she married Paul Bunyan. Either that or Joan Crawford. Hope the bathroom's clean!

Emily and Dusty are making out. In case you're into that kind of thing.