Liveblogging As the World Turns: A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to Visit My Psycho Dad in Prison

Oh goody, location shoot! Nothing makes me happier than when studio television shows go on a field trip and shoot on location out in the wilds of Brooklyn or Connecticut or New Jersey or anywhere else within a one-hour drive of the soundstage. Somehow getting the actors out from under those lights and messing their hair up a little makes them seem more human and less ... well, soap-opera-y.

As we learned the other day, Noah decided to take the day off from school to walk Ameera around the one block of Oakdale that is visible to the human eye, and today (along with Luke) the kids head off to visit Noah's dad and Ameera's provider, Captain Pervy, in prison.

We also have reason to believe from the preview in yesterday's show that they do not reach their final destination after having some sort of truck trouble. This could go in several directions ... will it be like Wrong Turn or The Hills Have Eyes, and they'll be attacked by a group of cannibals with a taste for tender young gays and Muslim women? Or maybe they'll be stalked by a lunatic trucker who calls them "Candy Cane"!

Well, nothing quite as exciting as this happens (although not far off), but let's not get ahead of ourselves. 

Click on through the jump and refresh often to follow along... 

Over the river and through the woods to the Big House we go!

2:56PM EST: The kids decide that rather than walk to find help they'll get back in the truck and take a nap. Makes sense to me! Ameera is against getting in the truck to sleep with the fellas (even though they've been sitting next to each other for hours - and we've had to watch in realtime), and Noah says he'll sit in the middle.

As they get settled a production assistant corgi wolf howls in the distance (are they serious?!) and Luke rolls up his window, concerned. Heck, maybe my horror movie references weren't far off...

Preview Time!: It's a fratboy fracas! Luke and Noah throwing punches! Preppie rednecks! Still no sign of why they pulled over in the first place! We'll be back to try to make sense of all this tomorrow... 

2:52PM EST: Okay, this is awesome. Luke asks if they hit something and Noah says he doesn't know. Wait, didn't Luke yell? Why? The boys get out to "check" and there's nothing there, but a quick peek under the truck while holding a wrench is enough to tell Noah that the front axle is broken. What was it made of, porcelain? This is the most undercommitted accident EVER.

None of the kids have cell service ... including Ameera. She has a cell phone? Is it just me or is she not nearly as helpless as she makes herself out to be?

OMG HENRY/CAFE VIENNA SEX SCENE.

AVERT YOUR EYES BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE 

Actually, I can't tell if they were having sex or just rolling around in a bed. Without references to cold cuts I just don't pick up on that kind of thing anymore! 

2:48PM EST: Finally! Luke screams "look out!" and the car rolls screeches to a halt at the side of the road. What the eff? Did something run in front of the car? Was there a branch? Did they hit the Oakdale Hellmouth?

2:46PM EST: Alright, at this point these kids have been driving past the same spot over and over as they continue this exposition-fest. How long are they going to be in this car? It's starting to feel like a Beckett play. 

2:36PM EST: The kids are in the truck and Luke of course notes that he packed a picnic for three. Always thinking ahead, Luke! Noah notes that it's going to be weird to see his dad in prison. Ameera says she can't wait to see him but Luke doubts that Captain Mayer will like the fact that the boyfriend came along.

Ameera asks the boys how they knew that they were gay, as there are no gays in St. Olaf. Luke tells her that he was always into sports but not girls. He drank a lot but his cousin helped him figure things out. Noah says that Luke was the first guy he'd ever have feelings for, which dashes our fantasies about Noah's long-lost club kid days, I guess.

Ameera asks if Noah liked girls before Luke, and neither of the fellas answers or looks particularly eager to. Alright, not loving where this conversation is leading.

2:44PM EST: Noah tells Ameera that he guesses he liked girls first or thought he did but that he realized that he was only doing what his father wanted. He tells her how he hurt Maddie and how he regrets it. Ameera says that she wishes she'd been there when it all went down because she could have made Pervs understand. Noah says that it's great to have her there now to talk to. Luke looks obliviously out the window, smiling. Probably thinking about his picnic.

2:27PM EST: Cafe Vienna just had a majorly sniffly crying jag that was so bizarre that I can't tell if it was brilliant or ghastly.

Back at the farm, Noah tells Ameera that Cappy isn't the man she knew, and she replies that maybe she can change his mind about Noah and Luke (Luke gives quite a smirk at this one). Ameera says that she's going with or without Noah, and Noah says that that means he's going too. Luke chimes in that he's not staying behind. Well it's settled, then - misery really does love company!

Good lord, I've had more fun watching grass grow...

2:20PM EST: (the scene from the preview on the ATWT website) Luke tells Ameera that they have a tradition at the Snyder Home for Wayward Gays that they don't turn away people in need. Ameera says that back in St. Olaf they have the same tradition but they don't really mean it because the guest is supposed to just leave anyway. Handy!

Noah's phone rings, and he tells them that the Warden called with a message from his father.

Eew, in this Lean Cuisine commercial a woman says "I wanna get crazy with a hot pastrami!" with unnerving intensity. Has she been watching Luke and Noah flirt?!

Noah tells Luke and Ameera that Captain Pervy wants him to visit for some reason but that he said it was important. Noah says he's not going and Ameera says that she wants to see Pervs too and that she'll go with him. Noah snaps back, "No way, I'm not letting YOU go!"

Whah? Back away from the coffeemaker and cool your jets, Mayer! 

2:10PM EST: Ameera doesn't want to cause trouble so she says she's going to find another place to live, but Luke tells her he wants her to stay. 

Meanwhile, The Amazing Indestructible Ice Truck Killer is in the middle of the babymama drama, Doctor Not-As-Dashing is fighting with the Hotprechaun™, and Henry caught Cafe Vienna making out with Gray and now Austin From Days and The Blonde Obstacle are helping him get rid of the guy.

Did it sound like I actually care about any of this? Because if so I seriously apologize. 

2:06PM EST: Luke comes in from mucking the stalls and feeding the horses and tells Noah it's not the same without him. Because, lest we forget, shoveling horse poo is the closest these guys get to having a good time together. Noah says that Ameera is napping but that she was really shaken up by the backfiring boiler. Luke says he can ask his grandma about their lawyers helping Ameera with her visa situation, and Noah is surprised, and says that he wasn't sure how Luke felt about Ameera. 

Later, Noah tells Luke (as he pours a cup of coffee, of course!) that he wants to help Ameera to try to make things right. Luke says that helping Ameera won't make his father okay with the fact that he's gay and that he doesn't owe Ameera anything. Of course, doing her Hamlet's Father shtick again, Ameera walks in a that moment and says, "he's right, Noah! Back in Saint Olaf ..."