Liveblogging "As the World Turns": The Gospel According to Luke

Today Luke is back to dispense more wisdom to his friends, who for a change are actually getting less action than he is. In fact, he and Noah are apparently getting busy so often that poor Noah isn't even ambulatory. Is he in a sling somewhere?

Anyway, as we let you know a while back, things are revving up for a murder mystery that will feature our beloved Oakdale gays right at the center ... although it may not be the particular gays that you're expecting. But first, it's a Butters/Jade/Emily/Ali rhombus!

To find out how Luke's newfound wisdoms complicate things for his friends, refresh often and check below.

Enjoy! 

In the beginning there was gaysecks ... and it was good.

2:58 PM EST: Butters and Matt's bromantic reunion isn't all that Matt was hoping, considering Butters recognized Matt's feet as the ones sticking out of Ali's mouth. Matt does say he got "sprung". Tee-hee. Meanwhile, Jade is all, "can I have my check and by the way why are you such a harpy to your sister?"

Oh and surprise of surprises, Meg's baby is gone! We're of course supposed to think it was Paul, but I think it was that hotel manager who talked with his hands. He was a regular David Blaine!

Preview time! No Nuke. But they may be back later this week - we'll let you know! 

2:50PM EST: Jade ambushes Butters, who explains that Ali wouldn't talk to him and Jade tells Butters that Luke convinced her that she messed up. Butters says that he and Ali are over anyway and leaves.

Meanwhile, Luke asks Ali if she and Butters made up after he told her what happened regarding the roof. Luke tells her what the deal is and she realizes that she's screwed things up even further. If that's possible. 

So Meg has agreed to meet up with Mrs. Kardashian, of course insisting to Dusty that Paul won't try anything.

And what do you know? The lights go out at the hotel! Suzanne Sugarbaker, I told you not to twirl that baton indoors!! 

2:41PM EST: Meg tells ITK that she loves Dusty just to piss him off and it of course sets him off on a new jag. Meg storms out.  

Meanwhile, Ali and Matt are still making out in the park, and Butters runs off. Matt comes up for air and is all, "can I have my bridgework back?" and Ali explains that Butters was there and she just face-raped Matt to make him leave her alone. Mission accomplished!

Meg Dusty blaaaaaahhhhhzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2:29PM EST: Ice Truck Killer and Mrs. Kardashian roll out the batshit carpet for Meg, but as soon as she catches a whiff they start arguing about visitation rights.

Oh hey, Matt! He's arrived in his best Brokeback jacket and is looking for Butters at the hospital. He runs into Ali and he explains that he got out of jail and he likes Oakdale. It takes Ali about 3.4 seconds to start whining about how she and Butters are on the outs and she and Matt go to "get some air" in "the park". Butters pops out of nowhere the second they're gone and Ali's supervisor sends him after them.

Luke calls Jade out for lying to him. She's all "meow meow meow I messed up meow meow" and Luke tells her to make up for it and maybe he'll forgive her. 

Ali tells Matt that Butters was married to Emily and he's all, "that relic?!" Oh and meanwhile Ali also got married, and they're both divorced, and also there was an attempted gangrape, and she was an undercover spy and Butters saved people from a mad gunman. Nope, he hasn't missed much!

Oh, Ali's upset. Just in time for Butters to show up, right? Aha - she asks him to kiss her, probably realizing that Butters is watching from behind a tree. Wait, is she trying to make Butters jealous of Matt, or of her? 

Meg: "There IS NO WII, Paul!" Guess she's a Playstation kinda gal. 

2:16PM EST: Meg's going to leave the baby with Dusty when she goes to visit the Ice Truck Killer. Downstairs, Ali is crying over Emily's eggs. Meaning the ones on her plate, not the ones that she's got on ice for when Butters comes around.

Ali walks out looking all confused, clutching a handful of wet Kleenex. She looks like every woman over 50 on the Upper West Side ... just sayin'.

Meanwhile, Luke tries to get Jade to explain why she didn't bother to tell Butters why she didn't help get him together with Ali. She says she was trying to be a friend, but Butters runs off to find Ali. Luke, meanwhile, isn't buying her "good deeds" shtick and asks her what she's up to. Oh thank God. I was worried that Noah had literally boffed Luke's brains out, but they're still there and working.

Okay, is anyone else kind of loving Manny Dusty? 

2:05PM EST: We kick off with Emily ambushing Ali at the hotel, and Ali fills her in that Butters blew her off. Emily is suitably crushed.

At Al's, Luke ambushes Butters and finds out that he never got the message from Jade that he was supposed to go to the hospital roof to totally NOT meet Ali. Boy, Jade's a worse mole than even I expected. Somebody call Anderson Cooper to recap!

Meg Paul Dusty Mrs. Kardashian blah blah.