Liveblogging "As the World Turns": Guess who's coming to dinner?

Yeah, like you didn't see that one coming...

Today's episode of As the World Turns features Luke's parents doing what they do best: telling Luke that they support him while at the same time inadvertently sabotaging any chance of happiness that the poor guy might have.

Noah has told Luke that he needs space, but Gilded Lily ain't having it, and when she runs into Noah in town she forces him to come back to the farm for dinner ... leading to false hope for Luke, an awkward situation for Noah, and a general pall over the proceedings that not even Gramma Emma's magic brownies could lift.

Click on through and refresh often for every agonizing, stunt-food-filled moment!

Can you pass the foam peas, please?

2:56PM EDT: Emily agrees that she and Butters can stay "fun buddies" as long as they keep it secret, which Butters has no problem with. Within seconds Butters is shirtless and on her. Oh, to be young again. And related.

Preview Time: No Nuke, but Quaker Oats Lady makes a "top or bottom" joke with Holden, and hold on - isn't that the mom from That 70's Show as the camp counselor?! HOT!

2:52PM EDT: Luke offers to come visit Noah in the dorms and Noah's like, "eh ... not so much." Luke finally realizes that he's making an idiot of himself and he takes off, with Noah calling out after him. Had there been a bowl of candy nearby, Luke would have swung his arms and knocked it over on the way out, Jerri Blank-style.

2:49PM EDT: Clarice and Tom have an ominous talk about "keeping an eye on" Butters. Wait, Emily just pointed out that she is Butters' half-brother's mom. Yes! But it's not driving Butters away ... Lord, what does that woman have, and how do I get it?

Come on, come on ... where are the gay breakup fireworks? No, we watch the girls pack for camp. Ooooh boy. Riveting.

Luke and Noah are sitting on a bench calmly talking. Oh, come on, Luke! He again tries to ration with the man who thinks his father committed suicide because of Luke (like pushing a rope, Luke...) and even suggests that he move back into the cottage. Noah counters that he's actually moving back into the dorms, presumably because cinder-block walls and public showers are preferable to the decor at the Love Shack.

Actually, he may be onto something. I continue to believe that the decor of that joint was more of a chubby-killer than Noah's wife. 

2:40PM EDT: Anyone else notice that Land O' Lakes is now advertising "spreadable butter(s)" during the show? I swear there's something going on here!! Meanwhile, the Million Dollar Password ad calls Betty White the "game show queen", and Charles Nelson Reilly and Paul Lynde spin in their graves like rotisserie chickens.

2:38PM EDT: Emily gets all North Country when her mom tries to talk Allison into backing down on the workplace harassment suit. Meanwhile, Butters' parents are getting all West Side Story on him for hanging out with Emily. "A girl like that ... Would have a child with your father!"

Back at Pity Me Ranch, Lily offers Noah another piece of Entenmann's and he's all, "no, thanks". She keeps pushing the conversation, bringing up the fact that his sham wife's in custody, and tries to force the boys into going for a walk together. Good lord, has she turned into Sharon Gless all of a sudden? If she slips Luke condoms and Astroglide we'll know she's gone around the bend.

Noah excuses himself, shaking Holden's hand and saying an awkward "see ya, Luke" before leaving. Luke goes after him to "get some things off his chest". Ooooh ... fight! We cut to Luke catching up to Noah back at Maddie Alley, so I'm of course picturing Luke walking 4 feet behind Noah for several pastoral country miles, calling out to the back of his head the whole way.

2:27PM EDT: Noah tells Holden he's "gotten lucky once or twice" with his truck. Uh, really? Wish we'd been around for that. He goes out to help Holden with a "broken-down tractor" and when they leave Luke tells Gilded Lily that he really doesn't think Noah should be there. He then tells her that he'd rather stay at the farm even though Lily and the girls have moved back to the house. 

She tells him he should be focusing on school and he asks if they have a class on how not to lose your boyfriend. He says that he's learned that you don't have to do anything wrong to have everything go downhill. 

Meanwhile, Noah has a heart-to-heart with Holden about sticking things out that's really kind of sweet. 

Moments later, everyone sits down for dinner, and I'm totally distracted by the jar of strawberry jam behind Little Miss Stormcloud's head that I totally touched. The whole gang pauses to pray before they eat.

Also sitting down to dinner is the Butters Clan. Butters has a flashback to banging Emily up against a wall and Butterbean tells his folks that the two lovebirds stayed up all night watching pay-per-view the whole trip. So that's how it is in their family...

2:17PM EDT: As snicks just pointed out, trying to come up with a name for Emily's kid, aka Butters' little brother, is almost as tough as figuring out whether that makes Emily and Butters' relationship incestuous or not. How about Butterbean? Butterfingers?

2:14PM EDT: Gilded Lily brings Noah home and tells Holden and Luke that she forced him to come over from dinner. Luke gives the least convincing "great..." that I've ever seen, and he actually seems like he's channeling Austin From Days in his delivery.

Holden and Lily take literally 3.5 seconds to turn their discussion of Luke and Noah around to be about themselves. "Two corpses, everything's fine!"

Meanwhile, Clarice spills the beans that Allison is suing Hotprechaun and Emily wigs out, and runs out to find her sister.

Bonnie and Aaron are trying to convince Allison not to go back to work. Now wait ... should they really be having all these sensitive discussions at Java? Or are all soap opera coffeehouses acoustic deadzones and they don't have to worry about it? (Paging No Limits...)

Gilded Lily is rocking a hot cami and trying to convince Holden to stay for dinner, as it's the girls' last meal before they head off to Sleepaway Camp (don't mess with Angela, kids!!!).

Noah is helping Luke with his logs and Luke tells him he can help him "muck out the stable" any time he likes. No, that's not a euphemism.

Luke tells Noah that he knows he doesn't want to be there, and that he can leave if he wants to. Not that he wants him to. 

2:05PM EDT: Butters, Emily and Emily's kid arrive at Detective Clarice Starling's, having just returned from their sex romp in NYC (well, they dropped the kid off at the Build-A-Bear workshop). The kid says that Emily wouldn't let him go to The Museum of Sex, and Clarice seems actually impressed by Emily's judgment for the first time ever.

Meanwhile, the whole malpracticey wrongful dismissal suit is chugging along toward a trial, but you'd never know by looking at Hotprechaun, who looks adorable as ever. Meanwhile, Allison is being allowed to go back to work.

Logjammin'! Holden is cutting wood! Luke calls him "my dad the lumberjack" and when Holden asks if he wants to help, Luke says he really shouldn't be handling weapons right now. Holden insists, and Luke totally splits a log. No, that's not a euphemism.

Meanwhile, Noah is sitting in Maddie Alley staring into space (it reminds me of when Putty would literally be doing nothing when Elaine would call him). Well, at least it's not Luke sitting there, as I'd predicted. Gilded Lily comes along and she basically forces Noah to come over to the farm for dinner. Noah asks if Luke will be there, and she's all, "Duh, he's my son and you kicked him out, where do you think he would be?" and Noah agrees to come.