Liveblogging "As the World Turns": House of 1000 Coitus Interruptuses

Yes, today Noah and Ameera move into their new lovenest, and we embark on a new phase of Luke and Noah's relationship: Namely, the phase where the writers have to figure out how to keep the guys from playing hide-the-mistletoe now that they aren't under the watchful eye of Gramma Emma, Little Miss Stormcloud, and the rest of the wardens at the Snyder Home for Wayward Gay Teens and Illegal Immigrants.

If today's preview is any indication, the boys hit the ground running in their attempts to christen their new love shack, with Luke nearly popping from having kept his raging gay hormones in check for the last, oh, six months. Of course, we can pretty much guarantee that something will come along to foul the boys' good time, and that the PTB will be falling over themselves to be sure that the boys aren't able to consummate their love.

What will the coitus interruptus be today? An ICE agent hiding in the pantry? A Girl Scout selling cookies door-to-door? A busted water main?

Click on through the jump and refresh often to find out!

And let the interruptions be- oh wait, sorry ... my cat just jumped on me. Okay, let the interrup- oh hold on, someone's at the door. Might be the gas company, they always ring my bell instead of my landlord's ... okay, here we go! Let the inter- actually you know what, I should grab some coffee before we get started ...

2:56PM EDT: Preview Time:  Matthew Perry 2.0 and Quaker Oats Lady sex scene. Shirtless Austin From Days. Luke and Noah are going to make a movie about themselves, and it's not the kind we're hoping for. See you tomorrow ...

2:52PM EDT: Noah and Luke say goodbye on the porch and agree that they need to "cool it off" for a while. Uh, what?! Come on, that was weeeeeak.

Luke: It was nice to be with you again, even if it wasn't for very long."

Noah: "I wish it could be longer."

Luke hugs Noah and Noah panics, and Luke says, "You know what, I just can't do this right now" and storms off. Noah's all, "Whah?" Dude, what do you expect. 

Back at home, Luke tells Holden that this was all a big mistake, the whole "sham marriage to keep a girl we met a few weeks ago in the country" thing. Back at the newlyweds', Ameera is sick of it too. Noah says that they should both sleep in the bedroom, "just in case". Ameera agrees, and when he walks off to get his stuff, she smiles. Oh please. This is just stupid. 

Casey tells his parents that his night sucked because the girl he likes is so hung up on her gay husband that she didn't even notice him. True that. 

And who DOES get to be shirtless and in bed together and kissing? Austin From Days and The Blonde Obstacle. You know, the one with the vagina. 

2:43PM EDT: Okay, how sad is it that we're getting all flustered about seeing the guys in a shirtless embrace, like they were a year ago, before they kissed? Yikes. They really have beaten us down. Still, Shirtless Embracing Nuke is better than Cold-cut Innuendo Nuke.

Cake (yep, Cake is winning the poll) invites Nameera to dinner, and the four talk casually (hah!) as though the ICE guy weren't standing in the room with them like the Ghost of Christmas Past.

They get rid of him and Ameera tells Noah she hates lying like this. Cake comes back and Luke says that this is going to be a lot harder than they thought. What?! Please. As soon as Ameera and Casey get used to the fact that Nuke will be getting Biblical in the next room, things will be fine. Maybe they should buy a radio or something.

2:35PM EDT: Back at the Snyder Home ... wait, I guess I have to come up with a new name. Hmm. Back at Pity Me Ranch, Lily is still mooning over the box from Dusty, and Holden gets a bit offended. Come on, Holden. He's finally dead. Enjoy it.

OH! The boys are still shirtless (and both are looking fiiiiine...) and scrambling to get themselves together to answer the door. Meanwhile, Ameera and Casey pull up and see the ICE man at the front door. Ameera runs around back and Luke goes out the window as Noah stalls the guy at the door.

The ICE guy walks in on Ameera adjusting her headwrap and she looks kind of miffed. Luke and Casey show up at the door for an impromptu visit. Great work, kids! You fooled 'em this time... 

2:30PM EDT: Casey and Ameera sit down in Maddie Alley with their Drumsticks and Casey gets Ameera to open up a little about her relationship with Noah, and she says it hurts her to be excluded from a part of Noah's life.

Casey tells Ameera that they should go back to the cottage and --

Oh my God! Luke and Noah, flushed from jumping on the bed like children who have had sugared cereal for the first time in their lives, just stripped one another's shirts off! But before they can kiss, ICE knocks at the door! 

2:20PM EDT: Over at the House of 1000 Coitus Interruptuses, Casey throws an obviously empty carry-on bag at Noah and points out that they're sure lucky that the leftover set cottage happens to be fully furnished. 

Noah and Luke gaze at the bed as though they've never seen one before. See? Emma was keeping them in the attic all that time! They talk suggestively about finally getting to bang some headboard, and Casey gets the hint, and asks Ameera if she wants to go get ice cream. She answers that she and Noah have to unpack, but Noah's all, "GET OUT OF HERE SO I CAN KNOCK BOOTS WITH MY GAY LOVER, WOMAN!"

Casey takes Ameera - who is showing hair for the first time, if I'm not mistaken - out to Cold Stone, and Luke and Noah look at one another and say that they can't believe that this moment is finally here, and run to the bedroom ...

WHERE THEY PROCEED TO JUMP ON THE BED LIKE 4-YEAR-OLDS. 

Fingers on the pulse, these writers. On. The. Pulse. 

2:15PM EDT: Casey shows up to help Nameera move, so the entire Gay Teen Sham Wedding Voltron is assembled to carry a garment bag and a backpack across town. Glad they've got their bases covered.

Meanwhile, a box from Dusty has shown up at the doorstep for Lily. Boy, and I thought the postal service in  NYC was slow... 

Okay, I'm officially not mentioning this disastrous engagement party again unless someone gets really drunk or takes their shirt off.

There's a new guy back in town who is someone from The Blonde Obstacle's past. Hmm...

Okay, back at the party Detective Starling puts on some music, and it's contemporary country. Um, Illinois is in the North, people! 

2:05PM EDT: Holden and Lily are heading off to the engagement party for Austin from Days and The Blonde Obstacle and ask Luke if he can babysit. He says he'd love to but he's helping Ameera and Noah move into their new house.  

Holden asks why Noah and Ameera are moving out, and Luke is all, "exposition exposition exposition." Wait, Lily and Holden really don't know any of this? Worst. Parents. Ever.

Luke apologizes for not being able to babysit and Lily says they shouldn't take him for granted, and Holden adds that Noah and Ameera shouldn't take him for granted, either. Well, they are moving out of your house, Holden. That's a step up.

Lily calls Detective Clarice Starling to cancel, and tells her than Meg is also canceling, which leaves everyone's favorite oatmeal-covered lady and her Chandler Bing beau as the only other guests. Whoopee - now THAT's a party!

1:59PM EDT: Okay, CBS just ran an ad for this Sunday's Dexter that had the words "Ice Truck Killer" written on the screen with an arrow pointing to the character's head. I swear, someone's actually reading this crap.