Seriously, asking me to remember Nuke and all the other colorful characters that populate the 5 rooms, 2 diners and one street corner of Oakdale that I've come to call home over the last few months is like asking me to name state capitals, at this point. (I know Montpelier is in there somewhere!!)

Yes, after another week of soul-crushing Nukelessness, our beloved Hot Gay Oakdale Teens are back. When we last left the Farm on Halloween, Luke was ignoring the "Shelby, drink the juice!" attentions of his doting/squabbling parents and had kicked loving boyfriend Noah out for seeing him fall out of his wheelchair one too many times. Will Luke let Noah back into his heart, or even his kitchen? And how will surly Shirley Holden play a role in helping the kids reconcile their non-issues?

Click on through the jump and refresh often for breaking updates!

And we're rolling...

Preview Time! Lots of Mrs. Kardashian action. Oooh! At the very end we see a smiling Luke, encouraged by Noah, attempt to stand in the kitchen. Lily and Holden see through the window and Lily turns to Holden and touches his stomach like she's feeling for a kick. Somewhere offscreen, Holden's divorce papers burst into flames. We'll be back to document the big moment!

2:54PM EDT: Luke comes out onto the porch and tells Noah he looks like hell. All together: "Awwww!"

Noah assures Luke that he didn't fall for him because he could walk. And he points out that Luke has seen him in 31 flavors of mess and seeing Luke fall out of a chair isn't that big of a deal. Luke admits that they're quite a pair...

2:49PM EDT: Lily slaps the earbuds out of Noah's head (well, not literally) and she and Holden give him a pep-talk.

We cut to Luke in the kitchen (where else?!) trying to get a cookie jar or something off the fridge. He hears his parents approaching and he wheels away like he's afraid of getting caught spoiling his dinner or something. His parents tell him that they've found Noah and he makes to leave the room (good thing we know that's not possible!).

Lily and Holden tell Luke that Noah is outside and in bad shape and that he won't come in unless Luke says he'll see him. Nice move, folks: engage Luke's ingrained Snyder superiority gene!

2:42PM EDT: Okay, during the break I went back and watched Noah's scene again, and yes, he was literally sitting on a parkbench with his eyes closed at the beginning of the scene listening to his earphones and waiting for a potent potable in a brown bag to fall into his lap. Remember how on Seinfeld Putty would literally be sitting next to the phone doing nothing when Elaine called him? Same thing.

2:39PM EDT: Dusty grabs Emily and molests her in the hospital hallway. Oh, you romantic schemer!

Meanwhile, Holden and Lily find Noah listening to his iPod in the town square (looking for the ghost of Maddie, perhaps?) and convince him that Luke is worse of than he is and he needs his help.

2:28PM EDT: Holden tells Lily that he wants her to get Noah back. Um, sorry, Holden, but her undercover hooker outfit isn't going to work this time. Lily counters that they'll get him back together.

OMG! Dr. Not-As-Dashing just said "pepperkaker"! And he takes Hotprechaun to get some at Henry's diner! It's the Circle of Life, people.

2:20PM EDT: QOL and MP2.0 decide to get married again and tell their 14 or so kids, but Austin From Days isn't amused. It's okay, Austin. Hotprechaun will never threaten what we have.

2:16PM EDT: Emmerdale made Hotprechaun put his shirt back on and talk turkey ... losing interest ... and he rips it off again! Yes! Somebody's got our back!

Holden tells Luke that maybe what he thought was pity on Noah's face might have been guilt. Luke tells Holden he's not allowed to yell at him anymore because he's in a wheelchair, and that if he's stuck in it for the rest of his life he'd rather not talk about it all the time. Luke wheels off-camera, presumably into his room. Although what sounded like a closing door could have been him getting caught on the kitchen island again...

Lily, who's been with Dusty having machine coffee when she gets a call from Holden to come to The Farm. She gives Dusty a peck and leaves.

Hotprechaun has the twinkliest eyes and the scratchiest voice this side of Brenda Vaccaro. I think I'm falling in love...

2:06PM EDT: ...Okay, he's back in the kitchen. Holden is trying to get Luke to move his leg and Luke, ever the drama queen, says that if Holden can give up, so can he. He tells Holden that Noah looked at him with pity when he fell out of his wheelchair at the Great Pumpkin Fest, and that's why he's so upset.

Wow, new characters (for me, which isn't a surprise). Chris, who looks like a buff, oddly hot leprechaun, is in bed talking to Emma (Emily? Emmerdale?), the woman who used to date Dusty and is back and ran into Holden while he was drowning his sorrows in the hotel bar. I think. Anyway, the point is that Hotprechaun is shirtless and looks pretty fine. About time we had some new man-candy!

Austin From Days is saddled with Quaker Oats Lady's and Matthew Perry 2.0's kids at the diner while they make kissy-face. Her straightened hair signifies something important, I'm just not sure what...

2:00PM EDT: Okay, a quick update: We did hear a little about Luke yesterday, when Holden and Lily mentioned between bitchslaps that Luke wouldn't leave his bedroom and was acting like he did back when he had his drinking problem. The bad news is, Luke is slipping. The good news is, he's finally left the kitchen.