Liveblogging "As the World Turns": Keepaway Camp

We understand that Luke and Noah will only appear briefly on today's show ... but considering that it's the only appearance they'll make this week, we're strapping on our patented Liveblogulator 3000 device (what, you think these bad jokes write themselves?) and settling in for another day of confused character references and abject horror at what currently qualifies for "yogurt advertisements".

As we noted last week, there's something rather alarming on the horizon for our young gay superteens: Another camping trip. Apparently undeterred by their last foray into the great outdoors (which left Luke in a Toaster Strudel-induced coma and Noah without a father), today the boys decide to get right back on the horse and set up another ill-advised camping trip ... this time with Luke's grandma, Lady Drumstick, and her new gentleman caller, Brian "Wheatables" Wheatley.

I'm not sure which amuses me more, at this point ... the thought of Lady Drumstick cooking powdered eggs on a Coleman camp stove and picking burrs out of her perfect coif, or the fact that, for the gays of Oakdale, camping now has all the ghastly underpinnings of a Friday the 13th movie. I'll take both!

To follow along, click on through the jump and refresh often!

Ch-ch-ch Ha-ha-ha...

2:56PM EDT: Preview Time!: No Nuke until the MorelQuest 2008 next week. We'll be here! 

2:52PM EDT: Luke calls Aaron to apologize for missing the party, and Noah says that he's not convinced that Wheatables is "some gay basher". Luke thinks that his eagerness to stuff Luke back in the closet means that he's done this kind of thing before and that he's up to something.

They turn their attention back to the mushroom hunt and Luke makes a joke about "six inches", "bagging", and Noah chimes in with "mushroom heads". Nope, no need for me here! They both tell one another about how much they love each other.

Meanwhile, Wheats breaks the news to Lady D that he's invited her virginal grandson and his gay-in-waiting on their tent-shakin' psychotronic weekend. She's understandably thrilled at the news.  

2:48PM EDT: Okay, is it just an unfortunate coincidence that they just ran an ad for Depends where the guy takes his grandma on a motorcycle ride? If not, Luke had better be sure the tent is waterproof. 

2:45PM EDT: Blah blah Hotprechaun blah blah stalker blah blah whiskey blah blah Drunkprechaun.

Luke calls every number on Wheatables' resume and doesn't get any answers, which he find suspicious. He says he wants to know everything about this guy, and of course at that minute Wheats walks through the kitchen door and hears it. One thing we do know is that the man doesn't know how to knock! 

Noah tries to smooth it over by offering Wheats a drink, and Wheats is all, "no thanks, why are you calling people to follow up on me" and Luke's all, "WHAT'S YOUR GAME?" I'm not even exaggerating. Luke then accuses Wheats of preying on helpless older women (wait, he's not talking about his grandmother, is he?! HA!) and suggests that "mushroom hunting" is a euphemism for "playing hiding the foundation". Wheats counters that they're more than welcome to join them on the camping trip, and Luke's all, "You BET!"

Well that went well! 

2:36PM EDT: It was really rather sweet for them to acknowledge the anniversary of Nuke's first kiss (and my first liveblog! *sniffle!*), which was August 17th last year. It also kind of drives home how ridiculous it is that the couple hasn't really moved far past that, but now we have other things to discuss...

Lady D shows up and Luke and his hair once again bring up that they think Wheatables is up to no good. She tells the boys that Wheats is taking her mushroom-hunting and camping, and Luke suggests that he's up to no good.

Lady D spits, "Pepperkakor!" ... er, "Poppycock!" and says that Wheatables apologized and isn't up to anything and Luke should let it go. Luke gives Noah a very sexy sly look and says that they should do some "Hardy Boys-style" research before hitting the party. Unfortunately, I don't think this is the type of "research" that I imagined Parker Stevenson and Shaun Cassidy doing off-screen when I was a kid.

2:26PM EDT: Butters shows up at the party with Pre-Crazy Celine Dion and Emily is so distracted that she pours champagne all over Holden.

But I'm so distracted by Emily's haircut that I can't pay attention ... is anyone else seeing this?

Okay, this is really adorable: Luke is helping Noah with his tie, a very sweet echo of their first kiss. Noah remembers that it was the first time he ever ... wore a Windsor, and says that then he couldn't imagine life with Luke, and now he can't imagine life without him. Awww. He gives Luke a kiss and tells him to run off and get changed.

So. Cute. 

Meanwhile, Lady Drumstick and Wheatables are eating hamburgers and he says the magic words: "Mushroom hunt". Yes, Wheats talks Lady D into going camping with him to go snouting for truffles or some such insanity. She's all about it, and can't remember the last time she went "shrooming and stargazing." Uh ... no comment.

Wheats also insists that he has nothing against the gays and Lady D says that Luke will come around, but that he had a really hard time coming out and is especially sensitive to people who might not be accepting of his being gay. Yeah, crazy kids these days with their "rock-it-to-me-sock-it-to-me" music and desire to be respected like any other human being!

2:18PM EDT: Luke catches up with the Three Amigos and tells them that he and Noah can't join the Early Bird Dinner because they have to go to Aaron and Allison's engagement party. Lady D's all, "no skin of my drumstick" and she and Wheatables carry on, and Noah asks Luke how he came up with that lie so fast. Luke says it wasn't a lie, and they had better change.  

Meanwhile, Butters and Emily get into a spat about the engagement party and Butters teleports to Java to commiserate with Hotprechaun's stalker, Dani, who looks like a pre-crazy Celine Dion to me. 

Meanwhile, Holden and Gilded Lily wrap up their Selfish-off when Holden thinks to mention that the girls' brother's engagement party is tonight. Okay, this "big tragedy" around the corner can't come fast enough.

Julia Tolbert's regularity was only occasional, but she thought it was just a part of life. Thank God Lori Strode came along with her magic yogurt to ensure a poop-friendly future! 

2:10PM EDT: Meanwhile, Aaron has his shirt on again (booo...) and he's stalking Hotprechaun, too ... but not because he showed him a good time at the morgue. And Holden comes to Gilded Lily's and when he finds out that she and the kids are going to the races (what is this, My Fair Lady?) with The Blonde Obstacle's Obstacle, he flips out. 

2:05PM EDT: Luke and Noah walk behind Lady Drumstick and Wheatables, who are cooing over how well their foundation meeting went. But before we get to that, are we sure that Luke and Noah just didn't come out of the gym? They're all pumped!

Anyway, Luke was apparently working out his optical muscles as well, because he's ready for the eye rolling Olympics. When Wheats and Drumstick (Wheatstick?) say that now they'll be sure to get some money from Big Business, Luke snaps, "As long as I don't do anything super-gay."

Churrrrrrrch! Wheats says he apologized and Luke says he isn't buying it. Both Noah and Lady D try to talk Luke down but he isn't cooling off, so the other three just walk away. Is there a draft in here? 

Meanwhile, Hotprechaun's new stalker attacks him and squeals, "Thank you for my afternoon at the morgue!" He sure knows how to show a girl a good time!