Liveblogging "As the World Turns": Looking for Mrs. Wheatley

Today Luke is back on As the World Turns, this time focusing his Harriet the Spy-like energies on finding the dirt on his handsy new step-peepaw, Brian "Wheatables" Wheatley.

So what exactly will Dame Wheatables reveal about Brian's past? And how will it play into what will no doubt be the most awkward Christmas in recent Snyder memory?

Join us after the break and refresh often to find out ... as it happens! 

Let's get snoopy!

2:55PM EST: Luke explains to Noah that he doesn't want to ruin his grandma's life but that he can't let her live with a lie.

Wheats gets back to the Lily Pad and Lady Drumstick is there waiting up for him and asks where he's been. He sweet-talks her and says he had business and she seems to kinda buy it. 

Aaaaaand the other people talk some more.

Preview Time! No Nuke but I find myself craving crescent rolls... 

2:49PM EST: OMG please make it stop. I wonder if I fell asleep during a liveblog my hands would just keep typing "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"?

Emily and Ice Truck Killer meet in the park and Craig of course overhears them.

Back at Java Wheats lays some mad guilt on Luke for snooping into his life after all he's done is try to help him. He tells Luke that he and Caroline are still good friends and that his "truth crusade" doesn't give him the right o break the rules. He says that he doesn't know why Luke has it out for him, that maybe it's because Luke is gay and single and he's not.

Wheats says that before he goes "outing" him to anyone else, Luke should think about whose lives may be ruined because of it ... and he knows exactly who he's talking about. He storms out and even Noah seems a bit suspicious about his little hissy-fit. 

2:37PM EST: The Remaining Mrs. Kardashian stops by to yell at Dusty and Meg berates Ice Truck Killer for not taking his Zoloft. She goes to get a refill and tells him to "stop thinking" while she's away. Tall order!

Hey, it's Noah! He's working at Java and Luke stops by to bend his ear about his ambush of Dame Wheatables. Noah is of course floored that Luke is still sniffing his way along this trail and Luke spends five minutes telling Noah about the scene that we just watched.

Luke is upset that Caroline wasn't the answer and that everyone looks at him as the town drunk or the town lunatic. Just then Wheatables barges in, barking, "I'll have a venti half-caf no foam latte with a shot of hazelnut!" Sorry, he actually yells, "Who the hell do you think you are?!" 

2:27PM EST: Emily and Dusty continue their televised couple's counseling and Ice Truck Killer kicks out Craig. Yawn... 

Ah! Luke tells Caroline that Brian is his new peepaw and asks her why they split up. She says it's personal and he's a complete stranger. She says she's under no obligation to tell him "a damn thing" and walks away.

Back at Mutual of Oakdale's Wild Kingdom, Lady D and Wheatables are getting hot and heavy when he pulls away. She calls him on it and he says that there's much more to their relationship and that they'll do the deed when she's better. She says maybe she should be the one to decide that, and that when it happens it'll blow his chunks mind.

Just then Wheats gets a call ... from ex-wifey! He listens, and Lady D listens in the background. 

Dusty tells Emily she's "mean" and "pathetic". Careful, dude - that's foreplay!

And Craig has a rendezvous with his minion in the woods, and she asks him to "throw her a bone". Popular theme today, ain't it? 

2:15PM EST: Wheats and Lady D talk about how much fun it is to do the tango and you know he means it because his tie is loosened. Meanwhile, Luke is ambushing Caroline Wheatley outside her office, which is at The College Board. Hey, maybe she'll get him back into school! Or try to get him to sign up for a student VISA...

Craig is threatening Meg but I'm distracted by the three stark all-white stockings hanging on the mantle. They look like they're made out of mattress pads. 

2:07PM EST: Emily isn't all about backing up Dusty on his "I only shot the Ice Truck Killer because he was doing his Joan Crawford on me" claim. 

Back at the Lily Snyder Home for Swinging Seniors, Lady Drumstick and Brian "Wheatables" Wheatley are getting tango lessons from some hot little number named Jessica. At one point Lady D whips her rodeo-fringed gam around Wheats's back and bucks like she's ready to spawn. AWESOME.

Luke comes in and cryptically notes that he can't stay and watch the mating ritual because he's "got something to do". Yeah, like lose his lunch. With ya, Luke!

Meanwhile, Craig has returned to stalk Meg and her unborn child, telling her that he's "seen her knocked up before, up close and personal". What a charmer!