A wise woman named Gloria Loring once said, "You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life." Our favorte Oakdale Alpha Gay Teen, Luke Snyder, is certainly feeling the up-and-down these days, and I don't mean in the same way that his mother is.

On the upside, Luke and his wishy-washy new love Noah just today scored high marks on the AfterElton.com Readers' Choice list of the Top 25 Gay TV Characters ... <echo voice> OF ALL TIME </echo voice>. What small-town Temporarylized teen wouldn't be delighted by such news?

Well, considering the day that Luke is apparently about to have, he doesn't have much room for celebration. Not only are his puppy-dog nuzzlings with Noah coming up dry, but he learns the truth about his wayward mother. Bummer!

How will things go down for our fortune-frenzied fave? Click on through the jump and refresh often to find out as it happens...

Let the pity party begin!

2:56PM EDT: Preview Time! No Nuke, lots of babymomma drama and some Quaker Oats Lady brilliance. Am I the only one who's wondering where Noah disappeared to? I guess he must not like seeing Luke in Holy Roller mode.

2:52PM EDT: Luke tells Lily that if she's made her choice, he doesn't want to be around her. He's not kicking her out of his life, but he doesn't want her around. He tells her that lying about who you want to be with isn't worth it.

Holden and Bonnie are playing basketball and Holden mentions that Luke plays basketball ... or, played. You know, before he was gay. Injured! I meant injured.

And Holden's just as bad at basketball as one would expect.

2:48PM EDT: Luke and Lily finish their conversation in the porch, minus Dusty and Noah, who have vanished (continue Dusty/Noah slashfic HERE). Luke is upset more than anything that Lily wouldn't let him help her feel less lonely by confiding in him. He says if she's so happy with Dusty maybe she should just stay with him.

2:46PM EDT: Lorelai is all, "This is my personal business" and Rory is all, "But this is my family you're destroying and you just made out with a totally hot guy in front of all my friends and OMG I HATE YOU!"

Luke accuses her of having an affair and she says it's not, and she tells him that Holden knows about her and Dusty.

2:40PM EDT: The Two Mrs. Kardashians are doing their scheming in the back of a limo, like two overaccessorized Bond villains.

Back at the bar, Noah asks Luke and Holden what they're doing there, and Luke jokes not to make him apologize in front of his dad. Holden mentions that he's a bit uncomfortable letting his underaged wheelchair-bound son and his son's boyfriend hang out at a bar. Um, yathink?

Luke makes a crack about drinking and pushing a wheelchair. Suddenly, that girl that didn't mack on Noah comes out and asks if they can finish that dance. Noah's all, uh, no!

Later, Holden high-tails it and Luke asks if they should go inside so Noah can dance in front of him with that girl. Funny, most couples don't get into that kind of thing for at least a few months.

Noah assures him that he told her right off the bat that he is gay and Luke says that he'll never understand him. He's certainly taking it well. He gets out of Noah that he doesn't want to go back in because, well, his mom is in there making out with her new fella in front of the entire campus.

Oh, Luke! Does your mother have to ruin EVERYTHING?

Suddenly, Dusty Springboard rounds the corner of the alley and runs smack into her son. Luke says she's lucky her husband wasn't there to see her with her new boyfriend. This is so Gilmore Girls!

2:29PM EDT: Holden is pulling out some leftovers for him and Luke and he says Noah opted to go to the One Tree Hill party after all and that

Luke says that when he brought up the whole "I love you" thing to Noah his response was "I don't have to say something for it to be true". Luke makes a stink-face that's really hilarious.

Meanwhile, Noah shows up to the "frat party" at the local honkey-tonk, where Dusty is sitting at the bar ... looking for underage tail? Who knows, but start your Noah/Dusty slashfic!

After chatting with Dirty D, Noah is asked by a girl to dance, to which he responds, "I'm gay". She's like, "i'm not asking that" and he's all, "You don't care that I'm gay?" and she's all, "No, I just want to dance, goof!".

Suddenly Lily shows up and gives Dusty a kiss at the bar. You know, I've decided that Lily's nickname throughout this storyline should be Dusty Springboard. Anyway, Noah sees the kiss. Oop!

Dusty tells Springboard that maybe that wasn't the best idea, because Noah was there.

Noah hits the road, only to run into Luke and Holden on their way in. Wow -- is this the lamest frat party EVER?

2:21PM EDT: Luke and Noah are enjoying their hot chocolates and Luke is asking Noah why he doesn't want to go to the party, since his "friends" looked really "friendly". Noah's Sensitive Gay Boyfriend Sensors begin tingling and he picks up on the fact that Luke is a bit sore that he won't say the word "boyfriend" out loud.

Luke accuses Noah of not really being out at school and Noah says that he's not ashamed and he's not "hiding" Luke. Well, you'd need a pretty big shrubbery to fit both your boyfriend AND his wheelchair behind, so that's a good thing.

Later, back at Pity Me Pines, Luke tells Noah he knows he's not trying to hide him but that he feels awkward for having said things that Noah won't say. He brings up the whole "I love you" during the altercation with Noah's insano homophobic father at the police station, and acknowledges that it might not have been the ideal time to use the L word.

Noah's response is that he doesn't want Luke to take it back.

You sweet-talker, Noah!

2:17PM EDT: There's a lot of babymomma drama, which now involves mousy girl unknowingly giving her baby up for adoption to The Girl Who Reminds Me of Haley Joel Osment. Is it just me, or is the suspense music they're playing under these scenes like something out of Resident Evil 4?

Holden drops some science on Lily about their children's weekend plans and asks if she has to "work" over the weekend. Ooh! He just called her a tramp!

Luke and Noah wheel into the site of the Halloween humiliation and Luke tells Noah he's going to overcome his former shame. He stands up, which impresses Noah to no end. Guess he must be forgetting that Luke did the same thing a week ago and delivered an Emmy-worthy speech to go with it. Luke says he deserves the hot chocolate with the most whipped cream as a reward and Noah says he can have anything he wants.

Suddenly two Generic Frat Boys arrive (they took a wrong turn at One Tree Hill), who apparently know Noah and invite him to a "fake ID party". I don't know what that is, but I can't think of a better time than huddling over a laminating machine for a few hours.

Noah introduces the fellas and then introduces Luke as ... his "friend". Luke gives Noah a "OH NO YOU DIDN'T!" look.

2:08PM EDT: Wait, is that a new sponsor tagline? "Sponsored by Secret: Because you're hot!"

And a Toaster Strudel commercial! How insensitive ... that's like Smith & Wesson advertising during Bambi!

2:05PM EDT: And a-one! And a-two!

Right off the bat, Noah is helping Luke to bend his leg. He asks Luke if there's something on his mind other than the Hubbard squash (what IS it with these people and their food fetishes?!) and Luke has a hot flashback to last week's episode when he told his dad that he told Noah that he loved him. Noah tells Luke that he can tell him anything, that he shouldn't be afraid of scaring him away.

Cut to Lily running into Bonnie in the hotel bar, and having her own hot flashback to last week when she saw her canoodling with Holden. Is this an all-flashback episode? Break out the cheescake!

Back in the kitchen, Noah surprises Luke by suggesting that they "take this thing public". Whahah?! Wait, is he talking about the squash again?