Liveblogging "As the World Turns": Mushroom for improvement

Fittingly enough, the synopsis of today's As the World Turns sounds like the ravings of someone on a mind-altering substance: Luke and Noah accompany Luke's grandmother (Lady Drumstick) and her homophobic/repressed/misunderstood boyfriend (Brian "Wheatables" Wheatley) on a camping trip to harvest mushrooms, where the gentleman caller tries to sleep with the boys and grandma gets burrs in her hair.

Feeling anything yet?

Yes, this all sounds utterly insane. And you know, it might be just the cuckoobananas shot in the arm that this storyline needs. If nothing else, it'll offer loads of location shots (which I happen to love for all their lo-fi charm), plenty of allusions to the boys' last ill-fated camping adventure, and more of the Lady Drumstick/Luke/Wheatables dynamic, which has been quite entertaining thus far.

And while I'm really hoping that at least one of the involved parties accidentally ingests one of "those" mushrooms and winds up going on a Ruth-Fisher-esque drug-induced forest walkabout (complete with people in bear suits and Ed Begley, Jr.), I think maybe that's asking a bit much.

Will it all be as camp as a row of tents? Click on through and refresh often to find out, as it happens!

A-shrooming we will go ... a-shrooming we will go ... 

2:56PM EDT: Blah blah blah rapist out of his coma doesn't remember Austin From Days trying to kill him blah blah blah. Just wait until you find his mom's head in your fridge.

Meanwhile, Luke and Noah are clearly high on mushrooms and reviewing the footage of Lady D with twigs in her hair. Noah brings up completely out of nowhere that he's going to be going to Rome on a film school trip. He asks if Luke trusts him out there with all those hot Italian guys (what is he, Parker Posey in Guffman?) and they go to kiss, but Wheatables interrupts and they have to go shrooming with "magical Mister Mushroom". Oh, and by the way Lady Drumstick is in her tent, asleep. At, like, 4PM, which Wheats attributes to the fresh air. Yeah, he must have slipped some "fresh air" into her waterbottle, eh?

And ... that's it? WTF?

Preview Time! No Nuke. We know that due to vacation Noah will be "in Rome" soon, but are they really leaving us out in the woods with a creepy guy and a dozen throw pillows? Developing... 

2:38PM EDT: Holden and Quaker Oats Lady are off making out in the horseyard, btw. 

Meanwhile, Gilded Lily and BOO have covered their respective nipples and are talking. Booo-ring.... 

Oh, we're getting all Blair Witch back at Gay Camp. Noah's videotaping Lady Drumstick and her burr-filled hair and they go back to camp, where Wheatsie has set up a complete piazza and open-air cafe. This guy's like a one-man Extreme Home Makeover! He goes to help get the burrs out of Lady D's hair and she moans, "I'm tender!" We bet you are, sweetie. 

Oh no - that Aussie shampoo commercial where the masseuse punches the shampoo bottle out of the kangaroo's womb. Right after a tampon commercial. Why am I feeling like I'm not the target demo here. Oh, a John McCain campaign ad, right on schedule!

2:30PM EDT: Okay, since I know it will come up in the comments anyway, what are we thinking of Luke's hair? I'm pro. Actually, they both look hot, no?

2:28PM EDT: AAAAH! Toaster Strudel commercial!! RUN LUKE RUN!!!!! 

Followed by denture adhesive and stool softener commercials! RUN DRUMSTICK RUN!!!

2:25PM EDT: OMG, Wheatables brought half of a Pier 1 Imports on the camping trip. Seriously, throw pillows?! He dumps a load on Lady Drumstick (of pillows, of pillows!!) and heads off to the guys' tent. To sleep there, apparently! Lady D goes off to take a cold shower.

We cut to Luke and Noah having a pillowfight and wrestling in their tent. Wheatables pops in with his sleeping bag and looks disappointed to see that there's no Crisco involved. Yet. He assures them that he doesn't snore and does everything short of slather himself with Parkay and try to squeeze between them. 

Later, the four of them are wandering around and Noah spots a mushroom and pounces on it as though it were about to escape. Wheatables excuses himself, and when he's gone Lady D gets all complainy about how the tent is moldy and she ain't getting her ticket punched. Noah says that they're harshing his mellow ... did he eat that mushroom? ... and he talks her and Luke into sticking it out. Lady D gets into the spirit and pounces on a mushroom, and ends up getting caught in a beartrap or something. 

2:16PM EDT: Ooh! Nipple-shot! Gilded Lily is mortified that Holden saw her naked with another man. Holden, however, hasn't complained. INSERT HOLDEN/GILDED LILY/BLONDE OBSTACLE'S OBSTACLE FANFIC HERE. 

Okay, where are Luke and Noah?

Back at the diner, with the Payless Gilmore Girls. Yawn...

Oh yay! Luke, Noah, Wheatables and Lady D are setting up for the camping trip. Wheats throws Nuke a tent and Luke asks, "two tents?" and Lady D stammers, "two tents! Two tents is good!" Yeah, not if you have an anxiety disorder.

Get it? Too tense?

I'm here all week, try the chicken.

Noah drops the "ghosts of mushrooms past" line that was in the preview as the boys discuss whether or not they should Nukeblock Luke's grandma. Oh come on! Two maiden aunts are enough for one camping trip. Oh, and Wheatables has been shopping at Captain Pervy's Outdoor Outfitters, all the way to the sunglasses. Better check his bag for Toaster Strudel! And Playgirl! 

2:07PM EDT: We start off with Austin From Days having a nightmare that at Camp Crystal Lake and the hairless little Jason Voorhees jumps out of the lake and yanks him off the boat, or something. Lucky for us, he wakes up soon and he's shirtless. Wait, is this a Gillette commercial?

Meanwhile, Diet Juno notices that Dammit! looks a wreck and says she looks like she's wearing half the diner's menu. INSERT DAMMIT! SPLOSHING FANFIC HERE. Meanwhile meanwhile, Quaker Oats Lady has one of her patented "feelings" that AFD is somehow involved in the whole Leo-in-a-coma look. Oh, okay - she actually saw him go into the kid's hospital room. So I guess the "feeling" was just gas.

OH MY! Out of nowhere we cut to the Lily Pad, where The Blonde Obstacle's Obstacle and Gilded Lily have been walked in on in their altogether by Holden. Are we doing shots whenever there's a nipple today? Because if so I'll be in rehab by the second commercial break.