Liveblogging As the World Turns: My Nukey Valentine Edition

Yes, I'm a cookie queen. Deal with it.

So here we are, back to watch As the World Turns revisit the well of holiday-themed "what if?" episodes (I think they should have the lead levels tested!) on today's Very Special Valentinacular Epsiode, where the citizens of Oakdale act out romantic scenarios that haven't happened.

You know a great romantic scenario that hasn't happened? Luke and Noah touching each other!

Okay, I kid. But let's hope this special holiday episode goes better than the last one, where The Mistletoe That Stole Christmas left everyone with a bad taste in their mouths. Actually, the subsequent Dollhouse of Horrors ep was pretty hot, so maybe this will pay off.

Click on through and refresh often for breaking updates!  

And here we go!

2:55PM EST: I'm so bummed and stuffed with specially-decorated effigy cookies that I can't get too excited about the wacky fast-talky comedy among Quaker Oats Lady, Matthew Perry 2.0, Austin From Days and The Blond Obstacle.  

Two more kisses. Straight couples: 5, gay couple: 0.

Preview Time. Meh. 

2:46PM EST: The Girl Who Reminds Me of Haley Joel Osment is reimagined as a folk rocker chick. She actually has a very nice scene when she sings at the bar.

But funny how all three straight couples have kissed at the ends of their fantasies, isn't it? 

2:38PM EST: Detective Clarice Starling and her guy, who is so rarely featured in conjunction with these stories that I don't even have a half-baked nickname for him, have a black-and-white screwball fantasy that should have Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn spinning in their graves like rotisserie chickens.

2:31PM EST: K, just rewatched their segment and it's kind of cute that Luke is really awkward in the West Village. The subtle flirting is kind of adorable, as the two kind of give each other hints without saying anything. Luke admits to never having been to the Village because he never felt comfortable going by himself.

Also, the two are holding hands as they walk up the battleship. But still don't kiss. PDA in NYC has become as complicated as it is in Oakdale! 

2:27PM EST: Luke and Noah, who just balked at kissing, walk through Maddie Alley with their arms around each other. Okay...

Noah wonders what his life would be like without Luke and Luke says he's sure he'd have met some other guy. Noah's all, "what, in the military?" Yeah, that's an impossibility. They look at a book about the military and Noah decides he'd have been in the Navy...

Noah and some other soldier are coming off a battleship or whatever and the guy starts talking about lap-dances and g-strings and stuff. I'm guessing he's not talking about a Thunder from Down Under show, so I tune out.

Noah decides not to spend the rest of his leave in a free clinic and instead goes to the Library. On the steps, he runs into Luke and knocks the papers out of his hand. Luke says he's a student from Illinois and he runs off.

Noah finds some papers with Luke's name on them and runs after him. He catches him and Luke offers to give him a tour of the city. 

Gay Street! Wahahaha! OMG, Luke is giving Noah a gay history lesson! He admits to never having been down there before. Cute. The boys hit the Stonewall. Okay, this is pretty cool. 

The boys hit the Statue of Liberty and Luke says that in this country you can be anything, even gay. Noah asks Luke if he's gay and he says that he is. Luke asks Noah and makes a "Don't Ask Don't Tell" crack, and Noah says that he is gay too. The boys hold hands and gaze at Lady Liberty.

Luke escorts Noah back to the battleship and Noah says that when he gets out they're going to be together, and gives Luke a medal of some sort, saying that the Navy gives them out for bravery and that when he gets out they're going to need it.

And...

They hug.

Scene. 

2:16PM EST: Lily and Holden are one pottery wheel and an overused ballad away from getting on my last nerve here. They come back to (relative) reality and kiss. Let's move on.

Oh, can we discuss the hot episode logo, with the frilly script over the heart? "Brought to you by Powerpoint!"

2:12PM EST: Lily has a HOT flashback montage of her and Holden's greatest moments: Lily giving birth on the farmhouse floor a la Little House, Holden baling hay, and more. Actually, isn't that a different Holden in a few of those?

Suddenly we're in the As the World Alternaverse and Holden is playing Mister Mom to Little Miss Stormcloud, The Other One, and a baby. Oh, I get it -- he and Lily OH MY GOD!! Lily's a ghost! She died at the hands of American Psycho Junior.

Oh my this is amazing. Lily gets all Ghost Mom on Little Miss. Ooh Molly, you in danger, girl! 

LMS realizes she's being too tough on her hot widower father after Dead Lily helps her with her homework. Dead Lily then appears to Holden and tells him that she's there to help raise the kids like they always planned. Can spirits do dishes?

2:05PM EST: Lily gets a Valentine from her Mom that makes her imagine what life would be likie without love. Um, it would make me imagine my way directly into therapy.

Luke opens a card from Noah on the city street. It reads something along the lines of "How awful would my life be without you". Luke says how sweet that is and goes to kiss him. Their lips brush but a passerby walks past and they pull apart.

OH!

Okay, I'm as sick of the "interruptions" as the next guy, but this one actually stung because it's an all-too-real feeling to have your romance be interrupted by fear and shame. But dammit, this is Valetine's Day!

If that kiss doesn't hit home by episode end, I'm eating their damned cookie.