Liveblogging "As the World Turns": My Two Dads, Redux

That's right, with Zee Evil Non-Twins out of the way, the Snyders are once again freed up to return their attentions to what they do best: Bickering and infighting (at least until the holidays, when they all eat together and get sucked into magical dollhouses/fairy-tales/mistletoe vortexes).

Now that Luke has decided not to return Damian to Biodads'R'Us and will be keeping him for a while, how will Holden's famous temper hold up?

To find out as it happens, follow along below, refreshing for breaking updates! 

Pappa mia!

2:06PM EDT: Luke is coming out of Noah's room when Papa Malteaser comes around the corner, chirping, "Hi, son!" Luke has been there all night, and when Damian asks if he can see Noah Luke says he's asleep. Damian wants to grab lunch but Luke's having lunch with his parents.

Over at the Lily Pad, Lily's phone rings and she misses it, but gets a message that Damian wants to know if they want to join him and Luke for Lunch. Holden's all, "OHNOHEDIDN'T!", knocks over a candy dish, and runs off.

Over at The Intruder, Lady Drumstick crashes Emily's office (Emily, remember her?) to tell her that she's shutting down the paper.

Back at the hospital Luke takes a minute to thank Ali for getting locked in the medicine closet and sends Damian to meet with his parents alone. Any idea where this is going? And Butters and Jade round the corner, going on about how Butters is turning on all the old ladies. Ali invites Jade to lunch with them. Okay, so this is officially the Lunch Date Wackiness episode.

And did the announcer guy really just say "Cha-cha-cha-Charmin?!" 

2:17PM EDT: Ali's cold-voice is kinda hot, no? She's like a young Ruth Roman. "The only thing you're gonna get is a burger, if you're lucky!" OMG, Butters is pushing for a threesome at The Wagon Wheel instead of lunch. I'm down with that.

Lady D says that the newspaper business is going the way of the dinosaur ... and she'd know! (ZING!) Emily: "You're trying to kill my baby!" Lady D tells her that the Tattler will still be around, but it's going DIGITAL. Oh these young people and their crazy tech things! Next thing you know she'll be suggesting that they join Friendster.

Luke and Papa D sit at the table waiting for Luke's folks. Luke's playing with his silverware and Damian is asking if Luke and Noah are still moving in together, etc. Luke's kind of adorably uncomfortably, and Damian's kind of adorably enjoying making him uncomfortable. Lily and Holden arrive and Damian wastes no time in telling them that he's staying in Oakdale to get to know his son better. Holden all but pees on Luke to mark him as his territory. Damian mentions that this was Luke's idea and Holden's all, "Really?" and Luke's all, "Yeah, I did" and Holden knocks over another candy dish (how many bowls of Coffee Nips are there in this town?!) and leaves the table. Luke goes after him.

Meanwhile Jade figures out that Ali's playing the old "keep your friends close and your boyfriend's easy ex-hookups closer" thing. 

2:28PM EDT: Luke catches up with Holden and assures him that he's a Snyder, not a Grimaldi, but that he needs to learn more about Damian to learn more about himself. He thinks that Damian might not be as bad as they all think he is. Holden says he just doesn't want Luke or Lily getting hurt, and Luke asks him to promise that he's not taking this as a rejection of him, and Holden says that he always has his back. He hugs Luke. It's sweet.

Emily says that she's an idiot when it comes to the Internet. Lady D says that she still remembers when they sent headlines via smoke signal. She's also recruited someone from I to be her co-editor, and insists that he's charming. She introduces her to Hunter, an apparently very clumsy guy who nonetheless falls into Emily's demo (young, dumb, and full of ... spirit!).

Ali and Jade tell Butters that they're going to do everything they can to keep his mind off of sex, but Jade isn't paying attention because she's making goo-goo eyes with some crazy-hot Italian Stallion across the room. Ali tells her to invite him to play pool (at lunch?) and Butters insists that the guy won't bite, unless she wants him to. Speaking from experience, we can hope?

Hunter is Hunter's last name, but he won't share his first name. He's apparently a tech wiz, but he reminds me of Ugly Betty's new boyfriend. Lady D drops some serious science when she tells Emily she can join the unemployed league of editors instead and when Emily stares at her, agape, she screams, "OH MY THERE'S NO RESPONSE!" Hot!

Lily tells Damian that Luke has some serious problems that don't involve his sexuality, but rather his taste for the firewater and his tendency to rig elections. Damian says that's probably his fault.  

2:39PM EDT: Holden gives Damian his blessing to get to know Luke, and Damian promises to not do anything to hurt Luke. Holden says he won't let him, and this time both he AND Lily knock over candy dishes and head out.

Emily and Hunter aren't seeing eye-to-eye, and she heads out to have a liquid lunch. He follows.

Over at Yo's, Ali and Butters notice that Don (the Stallion) is wearing a wedding ring. They call him on it and he leaves. Boy, he's a pro.

Luke finds out that the band transfer went through and that the Foundation has no money for the time being, and that means that old people are going to die. I'm not even kidding, that's what he says. Of course, Damian offers to write a check and fix everything.  

At the bar, Hunter refers to Emily offhand as an "older person" and ruins her martini. She asks him to leave and he falls on top of her on the way out and of course Ali and Butters see him on top of her and Ali quips, "My sister, robbing the cradle again!" Two snaps to you, Ali! Or .... not.

2:48PM EDT: Emily gets out from under Hunter and leaves, and Ali goes to work her magic on him. Damian insists that Luke take his money and insists that he's on his side, with no reservations.

At the Lily Pad Lady D tells Holden and Lily that she's tired of being treated like the Grim Reaper, and they fill her in on the fact that Damian is hanging around town thanks to Luke. Luke comes home all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and he says it's because Noah's getting out of the hospital and Damian is giving him more money to fund the Foundation. Lily offers to give the money herself and Luke says that he thinks it's a good idea to take Damian's money because he owes it. Uh ... okay. Oh, and later Holden tells Lily that she should resign from the Foundation now that Damian's involved.

Ali gives Hunter the 411 on Emily and invites him to hang out with them, basically depositing him in Jade's lap ... but he of course dumps a drink in it instead, and makes a run for it. Okay, we get it - he's a klutz. But this is turning into a freaking Pink Panther movie...

2:56PM EDT: Jade says that Hunter is a dork, knocks over a candy dish and storms out, and Ali and Butters laugh at her misfortune. Meanwhile, Hunter goes back to the office and makes nice with Emily. She mentally takes an inventory of the pieces of furniture in her office that she's going to bone him on.

Meanwhile, Lady Drumstick ambushes Damian at the hotel and tells him that he better not mess with her kids. He's all, "You're not my babymamamama anymore, so thanks for the advice but you can choke on it."

Holden and Lily's conversation has gotten heated, because she doesn't want to quit the Foundation. Aaand another candy dish bites the dust.

Preview Time!: No more Nuke this week. Enjoy the silence!