Liveblogging "As the World Turns": On the Waterfront

Despite the fact that Oakdale shouldn't by all rights even HAVE a waterfront, today's action returns to the shady dealings on the docks that has left Holden and Lady Drumstick at the gunpoint-induced mercy of one of Damian's goons.

Who will save them? Will Luke and Noah be "contenders"? Will anyone come to Eva Marie Drumstick's rescue before it's too late?

To find out as it happens, follow along below, refreshing for breaking updates!

"She looked like Eva Marie Saint ... in On the Waterfront ..." 

2:06PM EDT: Luke is upset with his papa for snooping on Damian, and thinks his granny is crazy for going to the docks alone like a pirate hooker (after all, isn't that Lily's job?). Lily concurs. Noah stands off to the side, holding down the area rug. Luke says that no man who would send sick kids who can't read good to a dude ranch could be up to anything shady.

Down at the docks, Damian tells Holden and Lady D that they shouldn't be mulling around the docks, and they say he's up to something. He insists that they were only detained because of the murder a few weeks back. Lady D's all, "then why the gunpoint and the accusations of spying?" Damian tells them they're free to go and Holden says they're not going anywhere until they get some answers. 

Whoa, that was weird - there was a transition that didn't go anywhere! We went from Loocy and Dusty to black ... and back to Loocy and Dusty! Either that or I'm so bored by this story that I'm actually asleep right now and am caught in some kind of infinite loop. 

2:07PM EDT: Either that or I'm so bored by this story that I'm actually asleep right now and am caught in some kind of infinite loop. 

2:17PM EDT: Holden accuses Damian of shipping something bad, and he denies it. He says that no matter what he does, they will never accept that he's a changed man. Lady D wants to know why he won't lend out his yachts for the sick children booze cruise ("Boo-hoo-hoos Cruise"?) and Damian says that they both need to get their asses out of there and he'll have them arrested if they come back. 

Loocy admits to using her daddy's vodka shipments to get supplies to Africa, but the guns totally weren't hers. She's more a candlestick or lead pipe kind of girl, I guess. She says that the guy smuggling the guns likely killed Cesar, and that that man's name is Fredo. Matthew Perry 2.0 says that doesn't help him much, but it does give him an appetite for the Olive Garden.

Lady D and Holden come back to the Lily Pad and Lady D is all, "Get me my fainting couch, I was nearly SLAUGHTERED!" and they tell them what happened. Lady D seems to take particular umbrage with the size of Damian's security guard, who was far too large for her delicate tastes. Lily thinks the whole thing sounds like a big misunderstanding, and out of nowhere the wallpaper suddenly says, "Luke, I've gotta go back to work." Oh, sorry - that was Noah!

Luke goes outside with him and Noah tells him to go to the source to find the truth. 

2:29PM EDT: Lily is very frustrated by Holden and Lady D's suspicions about Damian, and reminds them that Damian put a baby in her, and they can't change that. She knocks a bowl of IUDs off the table and storms out.

Luke shows up at Damian's hotel room to ask him about what happened a the dock. "Someone held a gun to my grandmother." Is there a Hallmark card for that? Luke tells Damian that he's inclined to believe his dad that Damian is up to something. He says that Damian has to make him believe in him if he wants it to happen. He flat-out asks if there is a secret shipping operation with the Grimaldi lines, and Damian says that there is, yes.

Oh. That was easy! 

Craig Loocy Dusty blah blah. Either that or I'm so bored by this story that I'm actually asleep right now and am caught in some kind of infinite loop. 

Back at the hotel room, Luke is upset because he asked Damian to be honest with him, and "this is what I get?" Um ... what, the truth? Isn't that what you asked for? Damian says he'll give him more details when it's safe. Luke says he doesn't need more lies, and goes to knock over a bowl of meatballs and storm out, but Damian stops him. He tells him that Luke is the closest person in the world to him, and he gives him his solemn word that what he's doing right now that he can't tell him about is NOT wrong. He wants him to believe him, but Luke doesn't know if he can. Swipes meatball bowl, CRASH, SLAM.

Craig just told Loocy he never wanted to see her again and is it just me or did it sound like she had a hard time with the door on the way out? Maybe she let it hit her in the ass. Awkward! 

2:38PM EDT: MP2.0 tells Loocy that until they find Fettucini Alfredo, she can't leave the station. But he lets Craig and Bride of Cuervo go. Hmm ... nice fade composite between Loocy and Damian, who are clearly tied to one another. 

Over at Java, Luke comes in to tell Noah about what happened. Lordy, he's never gonna get the biscotti station restocked, at this rate! Noah suggests that maybe Damian is up to no good after all. Thanks, Fickle McPickle! That's helpful. 

And Damian shows up at the station to clear Loocy's name... 

2:46PM EDT: Does anyone else think that the Softsoap ad advising to "keep the pump, just switch the base" sounds more like advice on ... well ... never mind.

Damian tells MP2.0 that Grimaldi shipping was taking Loocy's medical supplies to Africa. He tells MP2.0 that he'll give him a number for someone in the State Department if he lets Loocy go. Um ... no? K, how about Don Knotts' home phone number? Still no? Um ... you like Bible stories?

Back at the Pad, Lady Drumstick and Holden are literally twiddling their thumbs on the couch and the tell Lily that for her sake Holden is going to give Damian the benefit of the doubt. Uh, with those biceps I'll give him anything he wants! Cover up, Holden - you're ruining everything!

And Craig and Dusty either get into a scuffle or they're planning on auditioning for Dancing With the Stars. Hard to tell.

2:54PM EDT: Craig and Dusty continue their Paso Doble for another minute, and then Dusty takes off with the brat.

Lady Drumstick shows up at the station and starts barking orders. Hot! She talks to Loocy as though Loocy were either deaf or not a native English-speaker. She tells Lady D about Damian's help with the medicines and guns. Lady D: "Vodka, medicine and guns? .... Sounds like a typical weekend for me!" 

Over at Java, Damian tells Luke and Noah that he was helping Loocy send medicines to genocide survivors in Africa. Luke says they have to help her, but Damian says he has a plan that doesn't involve them.  

And MP2.0 ambushes Dusty at the diner to tell him he's not taking Johnny to Sea World and probably pick up some pepperkakor.

Preview Time!: Damian's the one getting beaten with the lead pipe, from the looks of it - and Luke to the rescue! We'll be back on Monday to see how they wrap this mess up! (We hear it's fun...)