Liveblogging As the World Turns: Punk in the Trunk Edition

So here we are again to communally experience the wonder that is the continuing story of Oakdale's Alpha Gay Teens, Luke and Noah, as they navigate life and love. (And make fun of everyone else ... but not Maddie, she's my girl!)

When we last left the story, it had turned into an episode of Matlock, with an aging criminal (Noah's dad, Captain Pervy) drugging Dusty (who has no nickname ... because his name is already Dusty) and dragging him off to stuff him in his boot. Luke and Maddie cleared dishes and made up at the diner, and mourned openly, "Come back to the five and dime, Noah Mayer, Noah Mayer."

Noah, meanwhile, has been cornered by Luke's mom Lily, who has apparently seen too many Queer as Folk reruns and is taking her gay son's romantic life into her own hands like a glam Sharon Gless. Which would also explain her Cagney and Lacey hijinx with the whole "undercover hausfrau hooker" thing...

No matter, we've got new ground to cover, and we hear there's going to be plenty of it! To play along, click through the jump and refresh for breaking updates. If you join late, just start at the bottom.

And away we go...

2:58PM EDT: QOL is watching the video of her wedding to Matthew Perry 2.0, who (ironically enough) looks even more like MP1.0 in the older footage. Funny how that works. She touches the screen, either moved by the video or in an attempt to coax Carol Ann back from the other side.

Preview time! Actually, no previews for us Nukies, because not even Oakdale's Hottest Teen Love Triangle can compete with a Soap Opera Wedding, as we all know. It did look like Luke and Noah were mending some serious fence at the end there ... no telling what might come next (WINK).

And that's it! To sum up, Noah and Luke are about to snog, Dusty's bleeding to death in a trunk, and Maddie has an order up for table seven and still hasn't married those ketchup bottles. 

2:54 PM EDT: Lily enters Dusty's dusty room ... and the window is open. She goes to close it, and we see Captain Pervy lurking in the corner with his gun. He should be wringing his hands, but they're occupied.

Luke asks Noah how his dad is going to react and asks if he'll hit him or something. Noah: "No, my dad's strict, but he's not a violent guy!" IRONIC EDITING SENSORS TINGLING

Dusty is alive but squealing like a stuck pig in the trunk.

Lily gets out of the room without getting a cap busted in her.

Noah tells Luke that he knows his dad loves him but he has rules, and he's his only family and would be alone without him. Luke corrects him, saying, "You're not alone."

Cut to squealing Dusty!

2:48 PM EDT: Lily knocks at Dusty's door while Captain Pervy is still inside going through the trash. Eew. I hope he has Purell. Hausfrau Hooker in Peril alert!!

2:42PM EDT: Noah's looking at pics of him and Maddie at Magic Mountain. Luke shows up and Noah thanks him. Luke's all, whah? Noah says it's because of Luke that Maddie still wants to be his friend and he owes him. He then says now he just has to find a way to tell his dad he's gay without him going off the deep end.

Hey -- Noah just admitted to Luke that he's gay. Catch that? No matter --

Because of course we immediately cut to Captain Pervy rifling through things in someone's hotel room. He finds a slip of paper with "Possible Suspects" written on it (Handy! It's like when they find the scraps of paper with numbers adding up to $30,000 in the toilet in Psycho), and then types "extradition policy to France" into Google on the laptop. He find an old snap of who is probably Shareen and baby Noah in the trashcan.

2:36 PM EDT: Austin and QOL are talking about things they can do to slow down her brain lesion, and she happens to be taking out a crafting toolbox at the time, giving the impression that they're going to take the pinking shears to her medulla oblongata.

2:26 PM EDT: Pervy pulls a gun on Dusty. So THAT's what he's gonna do with all that punk. (Although, with the picture at the left, I can't blame Pervs for drugging him and trying to take him home ... just sayin!)

Maddie lays it on the line that his pretending to be straight isn't fair for either of them. Noah says just because he was confused beforedoesn't mean it hasto stay that way. he says, I don't have to be wish guys. I can change."

Shareen was Noah's mother! And Cappy killed her to keep her from getting Noah! Wait, is that a big deal? Apparently, because Pervs is having a white-hot meltdown that cues... a flashback! Pervs approaches Shareen and puts on his Matlock Isotoners (way to be subtle) and tells her he warned her to stay away from Noah, and she insists she didn't know Noah was in Oakdale. Pervs says his son is never going to know that his mother was a whore and now he never will...

And he shoots her ass! Handy thing is, Dusty was already passed out on the floor for that whole exchange, so he just plants the gun. We cut back to the present, and he shoots Dusty's ass, too!

Back at Johnny Rockets, Maddie tells Noah she misses him and that maybe one day they'll be friends again. Maddie tells Noah that he'd be lucky to have Luke if he would just let himself, and Noah almost cries. It's really touching, actually.

Luke and Lily are still talking, and Luke says he knows how hard it is for Noah, and Lily says she now understands how hard she made it for Luke. Papa Luke arrives -- hey, have these three been in the same room, ever? Oh -- scratch that, both Lily and Luke take calls and leave pops on his own. Noah's calling Luke and he runs off to meet him.

2:16 PM EDT: Lots of QOL drama. Just focus on Austin From Days' forearms... focus...

Shaky-cam! Noah tells Maddie his feelings are real for her. She's like, "how can you pretend?" and he's all, "I love you." She says, "in case you haven't noticed, Noah, I am a girl ... and you're gay."

Chuurrrrrrrch.

Uh-oh! Dusty woke up and grabbed Captain Pervy's hand! I have only one question for you, Cappy: "Whatchoo gon' do with all that punk? That drugged-out punk inside that trunk?"

2:06PM EDT: Quaker Oats Lady is still simmering in her dishwater, and what is up with the angle on the bathtub?! Why is it propped up like that (other than the obvious, to make it easier to get the shot)? I kind of like thinking that she bathes standing up. Austin From Days is trying to cheer her up. Wait, are these two lovers? Siblings? Why is it impossible to tell? Cue uncomfortable feelings...

Lily leaves a VM for Dusty, unaware that he's currently in the loving embrace of Captain Pervy -- sure enough, we cut to the Cap'n taking Dusty's phone out of his pocket... in his trunk! Luke comes up to Lily and she tells him what Pervy said to her and Luke says that he's worried that he will give Noah "a case of the gay." Lily tells him she talked to Noah and Luke says, "Mom! You gave him a gay pride speech?!" He calls that Noah turned down her support.

Back at Johnny Rockets, Noah decides to make up with Maddie by ... showing up as a customer and forcing her to serve him a blue plate special? Whatever his intentions, she ain't havin' it.