That's right, Luke and Noah will be back today to defend Holden's honor in the face of murder charges leveled at him by Detective Clarice Starling. (Nice of Gramma Emma to let them out of the attic after keeping them under VC Andrews-inspired lock and key for Dusty's funeral, ain't it?)

Anyway, I'd start off with a "when we last saw Nuke..." recap but honestly they've been sitting in the kitchen of the Snyder Home for Neutered Homosexual Teens for about a year now, from what I can tell, so no point in that. If you haven't caught up on the potentially exciting casting news regarding the boys, check it out while we wait for them to crash Holden's precinct party.

Will the power of pure gay teen love be enough to get Holden off the hook? Or will our beloved gay teens be distracted by Clarice's good handbag and cheap shoes? Click on through the jump and refresh often to find out, as it happens!

Are the lambs still crying, Holden?

2:55PM EST: Oh my hell, Cowboy Ennis just threatened Pre-Curse Edward Furlong with his Cowboy Jack dummy! Watch for the clip to end up on The Soup tonite. Wee Eddie tries to tell his parents what happened ... their response? "We're sending you back to therapy." HAHAHAHAHA!!

Wow -- Holden is telling Bonnie a lie about the syringe, saying that Lily was in her room the whole time and that he found the syringe.

Preview Time!: No Nuke, but some kid named Casey apparently gets lost on the way to the CW and winds up in Oakdale. This chick from Iraq can't arrive fast enough! 

2:52PM EST: Holden agrees to talk to Bonnie. Luke hates to think it, much less say it, but could his dad have -

Noah interrupts him and says that's crazy. Luke's all, "What, you're the only one who can have a crazy murderer for a father?!" Oh. Good point. Noah reminds Luke how good of a man Holden is and Luke thanks him and touches his face, and they hug.

Oh my God my cat's totally molesting me! All these killer dummies and false confessions are turning him on!

2:47PM EST: More QOL/P-C EF/CE/MP2.0/Magic shenanigans. Wait, the kid and the killer dummy are at the farm too? Boy - I was joking about the water supply, but the Snyder well should be tested ASAP if both Luke and P-C EF are experiencing psychic phenomena.

Lily has called in Bonnie, Holden's ridiculously hot divorce lawyer/stalker, to help with the case. Leave it to Lily!

Noah comforts Luke, who is tapping into more psychic vibrations regarding the whole murder situation. Is he going to solve the whole puzzle? 

Bonnie can't get her ridiculously hot cousin (someone should check their water supply, too) to let her see Holden, but when Clarice leads him back through the lobby of the police station for the 254th time (is this a French farce?), she tells him she's got to talk to him. Lily barges in the front door (again) and says she asked Bonnie to come, and we cut to commercial in a jarring split-second, making the whole scene very funny. 

2:38PM EST: The scene that was used in the preview: Clarice gets tough on Holden, karate-chops the Important File for emphasis, and arrests Holden. Okay, NOW take this thing back to Baltimore!

Luke and Noah barge in and try to stop them, but as Luke hasn't taken nearly enough diva lessons from Lady Drumstick, their attempts are ineffective. Meanwhile, Lady D and Lily are at the diner and Lily remembers that during her bender Holden said that he'd "take care of everything".

Luke gets all up in Clarice's face ("One more thing, detective: Love the suit!") and when Holden tells him to go home Luke gets emotional. Noah stands in the background holding up the set. Luke calls Lily to tell her that they've arrested pops. 

When we cut back, Lily and the whole peanut gallery are there to yell at the police as they cart Holden off. Holden reminds Lily of her doctor's appointment in the middle of the fracas, which is kind of funny. Luke tells Holden to get a lawyer, and Noah ... well, Noah looks like he needs more coffee.

2:25PM EST: P-C EF tells MP2.0 that the dummy ("Cowboy Jack") just appeared in his bed. Okay, this is awesome. QOL goes to console Cowboy Jack's owner (Cowboy Ennis?) and the two start to get drunk. Atta girl!

P-C EF tells his dad that Cowboy Ennis planted Cowboy Jack in his bed and gets nailed for lying about going to the dance. Meanwhile, QOL is telling Ennis that the kid is selectively psychic. So he's a Whisperer, too? Oakdale needs to have its water tested.

Holden tells Lily that she shouldn't have come ... probably because she usually ends up overdosing or messing everything up when she gets involved.

Back at Maddie's Alley, Noah buys Luke some coffee (he's really on a coffee jag lately, huh?!) but Luke is really distraught about the murder/overdose/arrest/Flowers in the Attic situation. Noah suggests going down to the station. 

Clarice is handed an Important File and tells Holden that the reports are back and the contents of the syringe he was found with match the substance that killed Dusty. Dun-dun-duunnnnnnnn! Oh, wait ... we knew that. Never mind.

2:16PM EST: Lady Drumstick and Lily barge into the police station and Lady D starts behaving like a total diva. It's actually really hot in a "don't f*ck with me, fellas!" kind of way. Clarice comes out to see what the deal is and threatens to throw Lady D in jail if she doesn't shut the hell up. Lily pleads with Clarice to let her see Holden and she says "Heck, why not!" Not like they're conducting a murder investigation or anything important like that.

Meanwhile, Pre-Curse Edward Furlong tries to sneak out of the house with that damn ventriloquist's dummy. Anyone else having flashbacks to Magic with Anthony Hopkins? Is he going to beat Burgess Meredith to a pulp with that thing? 

2:12P EST: Luke doesn't back down, realizing that something's up that Lily isn't telling him: "Something's going on, I can feel it!" What, is he the Holden Whisperer all of a sudden? She tells him that pops has been taken in for questioning regarding Dusty's murder. Lily tells Luke to go home, that she can handle it (Yeah, right!). Noah tells Luke that Lady D has it under control, but Luke is dubious.

Back at Clarice's, Holden is still being dodgy about the syringe (which he of course took from Lily's hand when she was passed out in the stairwell). 

2:05PM EST: Quaker Oats Lady and Matthew Perry 2.0 are in the middle of a deep conversation over the fact that their son, Pre-Curse Edward Furlong, may have stolen a puppet. WRITERS PLEASE COME BACK

Aha! Holden is being grilled by Detective Clarice Starling in the studio break room police station. 

Clarice: I'm not accusing you of anything.

Holden: I did everything.

Clarice: Did you kill Dusty?

Holden: I'm not saying anything.

We cut to Lady Drumstick and Lily sitting on a parkbench. Luke and Noah, coming from a party, are about to kiss when they spot Lily and Luke kicks into maiden aunt mode, and asks her why she's there. Grooaaaaaan....

Clarice: Holden, you're digging your own grave!

Holden: I'm doing what I have to do.

Clarice: TAKE THIS THING BACK TO BALTIMORE! 

1:55PM EST: I love catching the last 5 minutes of The Bold and the Botoxed before As the World Turns because it reminds me how lucky we are that Dr. 90210 hasn't made his way to Oakdale yet. Seriously, these women could go facelikething-to-facelikething with Joan Rivers.