Liveblogging "As the World Turns": No sex lives and videotape

That's right, today's the day that things get real ugly in Oakdale U's student president campaigns. We've already learned that Kevin's campaign manager, Mark, is a total butthead willing to do anything in order to win Kevin the vote, even if it means spreading homophobic lies ... and viral videos! ... about Luke.

And now that a good-intentioned Ali is involved, things are bound to get ugly ... and I'm not just saying that because everything the poor girl touches turns to doodoo. I mean, considering that sex scandals are the first line of offense in political smear campaigns, isn't Ali an easier target than Luke considering that she's actually had sex? And, like, on camera, even?

Click on through the jump and refresh often to find out how the scandal goes down!

Lights ... camera ... inaction!

2:55PM EDT: Oh, did I mention that Lady Drumstick has breast cancer? Sorry, it kinda got lost between all the drinking games and gay-bashing. 

Luke comes in to find Noah and Aaron hanging out in the kitchen and Luke asks why he is so mad at him. Luke says that Noah thinks Luke still has feelings for Kevin. Luke says he thinks he's bad for the school and Noah says that's not an answer.

Luke says he's only so invested because it brings up so many memories, and Noah asks him to quit the campaign. Luke says he can't, that he has to win. Noah says he has a paper to write and takes off.

Back a the party Butters is wasted and quits the game, and he realizes that his costume is missing.

Back in the car, Ali begs NotButters to say something, when suddenly another man in a mask jumps out from the backseat and puts a sack over her head!

Preview Time!: No Nuke, but we do see what comes of Ali and the bad men ... 

2:51PM EDT: Luke is really fuming outside and Noah makes some ill-advised attempts at humor to defuse the situation. Luke's furious that Noah is too scared to admit what's really going on here, that it's bigger than just a student election. Noah storms off to go home and Luke runs after.

Back inside Butters gets roped into a game of Two Girls One Cup "Flip Cup" and Mata Ali unsuccessfully plies Kevin for info about his speech. But wait, who just swiped Casey's mask and robe when he wasn't looking?

And wait, Ali was just looking at Butters, wasn't she? And then she turns around to look for him and when she sees the guy in the mask behind her she thinks it's him?

A second later Ali's zooming down the highway with NotButters and she suddenly realizes that Casey hasn't spoken a word ... and it's not Casey's car. MWAHAHA! Girl, you're lucky we love you because that is the stupidest thing you've done ... well, so far this scene.

2:41PM EDT: Butters tries to smooth things over with Aaron, which Ali doesn't appreciate. Noah comes over to talk and when Butters is all, "we can't let them see us talking to her!" and Noah's all, "This is so ridiculous" and as he storms off Butters fumes, "That is one really unhappy guy". Ha! You said it.

Meanwhile, in the alley things get ugly real fast when Kevin gets defensive and tells Luke that he's not gay and he's not a gay-basher, and that Luke's the bigot for thinking that he is. He storms off.

Back inside the most boring Halloween party this side of Little House, Butters tries to get Mata Ali to go undercover again to find out what Kevin's speech at the next pep rally will be all about. (Pep rallies? In college?)

Meanwhile, Kevin's little spat with Luke has left him out for blood, and he tells Mark to do whatever necessary to win, even if it means putting Ali in harm's way. Okay, she and Butters are officially made for each other. 

2:31PM EDT: Meanwhile, Mata Ali is undercover again as herself (seriously, how ridiculous is this?) and she tells Kevin that it's really pathetic the way he went for Luke in that video. He tells her that he didn't do it and he agrees, and after he gives her a kiss (just so Aaron can see from across the room, of course) he goes over to Mark to tell him to take down the video.

When Mark asks the DJ who the girl in the scrubs is, he's all, "doesn't everybody know? That's Ali the porn queen!"

Outside, Luke and Noah are gabbing in the alleyway (no, that's not a euphemism) and a drunk little hottie in a cape comes up and says hi to Noah and tells Luke he saw the video and that he should get back at the guy. Noah and the little guy go inside and leave Luke outside to stew, and of course Kevin comes out to apologize for the video but Luke isn't having it. 

Kevin says that he didn't put up the video and that he didn't want things to get personal because he remembers how Luke saved him at the lake. Luke counters, "Oh yeah? Well do you remember calling me a faggot? Because that's essentially what your friends did in that video". He tells Kevin that this is as personal as it gets ... and that! Was the night! The Lights! Went out! In! Georgia!

2:22PM EDT: Lest we forget that Oakdale isn't all sexed-up young politicos in bad Halloween costumes, Lady Drumstick and Wheatables are at the ice skating rink, where he reveals that he knows about her true identity and past life as a figure skater. Okay, I'm totally missing something here.

2:16PM EDT: Luke and Noah say they're still going to the party, and they're not backing down. After they head off to do whatever it is a pirate and a farmboy would do (something involving booty or poop decks, I imagine) Butters convinces Ali to sweet-talk Kevin into taking down the video, and she says that this is worse than the porn biz.

Meanwhile, Noah tries to convince Luke to win on his terms, not Kevin's.

This year's Halloween is shaping up to be as much fun as last year's...

Ali brings up her porn past like 20 more times and Butters says he doesn't ever even think about that unless he's, you know, "thinking" about that. Um ... creepy much, former brother-in-law?

They run into Luke and Noah outside yelling at each other and they tell them their plans. Luke and Noah are going to go to the party and Luke is going to kill Kevin with a saber if he sees him. Sounds great!

2:09PM EDT: OMG! It's a masked man episode! I'm totally wetting myself. Seriously, this is the SHIZZ.

We start off on a shot of Luke's SNYDER = DIVERSITY campaign poster. Way to wow 'em! Meanwhile, Kevin's has a picture pulled out of a Tommy Hilfiger ad, American Flag and all. Suddenly a figure in a skull mask and robe comes around the corner and pulls down Kevin's poster.

Ali spies the injustice and confronts the masked assailant who turns out to be ... Butters!

And hey, she's dressed as a nurse. It really IS Halloween!

Back at the farm, Luke (dressed as a pirate) and Noah (dressed as ... Judd Fry?) have a chat with Aaron about Ali. Back in the alley, Ali (ooh, that rhymes!) confronts Butters and they argue about campaign politics, and mention "the video that everyone has seen" ... except Luke, apparently, because when they call him he's not drowning his sorrows in Ben & Jerry's or something. They plan a meeting at Java.

At Java, a guy in the worst devil costume ever asks Luke where his tutu is. He's all, "whah?" The guys ask if he hasn't seen the video on "UsTube" and Luke demands to see it. Meanwhile, at the Really Rottens hideout, Kevin confronts Mark about the video, saying that he's gone too far. Kevin doesn't want to seem like a gay-basher, and Mark says Luke made the gay issue prominent, not him.

Oh. My. God.

Okay, let's time how long it will be before the viral "Fairy U" video hits the actual web. "I'm Wilhelmina Slater and I Don't Get Wet!"

Luke shakes his fist at the sky and screams, "Curse you, Backrub Boy! This mean waaaaaaarrrr!"