Liveblogging As the World Turns: Someone's (Living) In the Kitchen With Luke edition

Hi, everyone! I'm nestled back on my sofa for the first liveblog of 2008, with Humbert Humbert (sans formalwear) at my side, ready to comfort me as Luke and Noah's storyline teeters ever closer to becoming the gay television equivalent of a Sandra Dee movie.

When we last left Nuke, they were running off from the big New Year's party to find someplace "more private", which of course meant "off-camera". I highly doubt that we'll catch up with the boys where we left off (in a hayloft over at the Snyder Farm? steaming the windows of Noah's truck?), so we'll either be left to assume that the guys got physical or the topic won't come up at all. Either way, we're sadly not getting our hopes up until CBS is buried in low-grade American chocolate that their romance is going to suddenly shake off the dusty doilies and burst into glorious life.

Spoilers for today's show suggest that Luke and Noah begin navigating co-habitation (so predictable, Mayer!), which in the case of the Snyder house would of course entail Noah pitching a cot in the kitchen where Luke has been exiled since his accident like a latter-day Man in the Iron Mask.

And away we go!

2:56PM EST: We come back to the boys, where Luke has just made a mystery phonecall. Luke asks how Noah would like to move to the farm, permanently. Wha-wha-Whaaaaa?! 

Noah can't believe it (uh, neither can I!) but Luke says Grandma Emma - who just weeks ago was telling Holden that her house wasn't a frigging gay bed and breakfast - couldn't be more excited about it and is readying to move two of the lesser grandkids into a room together so Noah can have his own (theoretical) room like the one Luke (theoretically) has.

Luke says "let's make it official" and gives Noah some keys, and they look at one another like they might kiss if there weren't a camera in the room.

I'm sorry, WHAT?! 

Preview Time: No Nuke, who will likely be drinking Metamucil and playing bridge by the next time we see them. Or maybe eating cheesecake on the lanai?

2:48PM EST: Lily is dangerously close to having a mascara freakout in the yard with Holden (must be too cold ... or maybe it's Fabulash!).

Noah asks how his living with Luke has anything to do with his Dad. Noah counters that he doesn't have anyone else and that it scares him that without him he's alone. Noah points out that Luke is always surrounded by good people, like at the farm. You know, where everyone is cheating and divorcing and stuff. Noah wants Luke to be a part of his family, which is sweet. 

2:37PM EST: Holden drags a rapidly unraveling Lily outside and berates her until she comes to her senses. Drink the juice, Lily! Holden points out that her outburst will scar their children for life. You know, unlike the whole "undercover hooker" and "mid-Thanksgiving booty call" moves. 

Back with Luke and Noah, they've popped into another diner and Luke tells Noah that he's not really jiving on the whole co-habitation thing. Luke suggests that maybe the dorm is the way to go and Noah isn't getting it. Luke finally admits that he's concerned because Noah did the same thing with Maddie to prove something to his father, and Noah says, "No way" and reminds Luke that his father is gone. Luke says that he may be gone but Noah's still trying to prove something to him, and he will continue to try to prove something to him until they figure out something else to complicate their relationship.

2:25PM EST: Lily barges in on Holden and says that she would have called but she was afraid she'd lose her nerve. Bonnie of course pops in at just the wrong moment, calling, "hey, bartender!" She must have smelled Lily's breath from the next room.

Luke and Noah are looking at apartment listings (well, Noah is) and Noah gets all hot and bothered about an apartment that has a washer and drier. ("Go find yourself a spin cycle!") He goes off to call and Henry pops over and drops another Maddie. Luke asks if it bothers Henry if it bothers him to see him and Noah together and Henry says no, if Maddie's cool with them then he is, too. Henry gives Luke the advice not to move in with Noah and we get ominous music. Hot!

Lily has a Grade-A meltdown in the kitchen, accusing Bonnie of rushing her divorce so she could "get her hooks" into Holden. Double Hot!

Back at the Downer Diner, Luke doesn't get why Henry is harshing on him and Noah, and Henry tells him that he's selling himself short by rushing into domestic hell with Noah before living in the squalor of the college dormitory. Henry cautions Luke to not rush the "courtship" part of their relationship, and I laugh so hard milk comes out my nose. Uh, these two teens have been courting plenty long enough, thank you very much. Henry says he doesn't want to be a Debbie Downer -- ha! Called it!

2:17PM EST: Oh, that awesome Lunesta commercial where they say to contact your doctor if you "walk, drive, eat, or engage in other activities while asleep after taking Lunesta". Uh, drive? While asleep? I think you'll be calling more than your doctor if you get up to that kind of thing ... like Cirque du Soleil.

Lady Drumstick is giving Lily a pep-talk on the town square bench. Too bad she doesn't have a refreshing ice cream treat to cheer up the pill-popping downer of a divorcee. Lady D says she'd like to go with Lily but she begs off, saying she'd rather accidentally overdose on painkillers in front of her kids. Lady D kisses her all over the face and runs off to find a Good Humor man.

Holden and Bonnie are baking cookies and making popcorn and preparing to enter The Twilight Zone, although by Bonnie's version of the theme music she's never seen it before.

Back at the diner, Luke asks Henry how Maddie is doing, and he says everything save "well, she's not dating any gay guys who take advantage of her, so that's a step up." He leaves and Luke, oblivious to the enormous blinking neon sign that God has just sent him (in the form of Henry's tie) and pursues the idea of living with Noah.

Luke gets his bearings and says that they had agreed to take things slow, and Noah finishes his sentence, saying that if they live together there "will be nothing holding (them) back". Right, because the writers will be unable to keep them out of the same building. What? So where exactly did they go on New Year's? To vespers? 

2:05PM EST: Okay, so I was just checking in with Martha Stewart (as I am wont to do) and she was holding a piece of beef suet the size of an infant and explaining how to use it to make a bird feeder. She is incredible.

Alright, Luke is at the diner that is Henry's (I think) and Noah comes in to meet him. Luke tells Noah that he's going back to school and that he has to pick courses and register for housing. Noah's all, "You're going to live in the dorms?" and Luke's like, "Uh, yeah, am I supposed to sleep in the library?" and Noah gets the same look in his eye that he got whenever he was about to get Maddie to do something really ill-advised. Watch yourself, Luke! 

Lily is refilling prescriptions and is interrupted by Lady Drumstick. Holden is trying to force Little Miss Stormcloud and The Other One to do chores when Bonnie pops over with the Twilight Zone boxed set. Okay, with Holden's mention of the marathon on New Years I'm going to start looking for a Serling in the credits here.

Back at the diner, Luke's trying to figure out what Noah's problem might be with the dorm other than that it will be filled with hot drunk half-naked college guys ready to experiment. Noah suggests that maybe they should try living together just as Henry refills their coffee and overhears. He makes a face that looks like someone just stepped on his pepperkaker! 

Oooh! Hotprechaun™!!! In partial dress! Somebody up there likes us...