Liveblogging "As the World Turns": Stand by me

Okay, I know snagging a tender moment from the beloved coming-of-age movie is a bit sappy. But honestly whenever the dunderheaded, emotionally schizophrenic Noah actually does his boyfriend a solid and looks out for his feelings, it's a reason to celebrate. 

Yes, today Luke's broken home gets even ... brokener? ... when Gilded Lily finds out that Holden shtupped the Quaker Oats Lady on the camping trip mere feet away from their brood of sullen children. (This one time ... at Adultery Camp...) With Luke's family falling apart, Noah steps up to the plate and is actually there for his boyfriend to lean on ... which I'm sure has nothing to do with the fact that the Snyders are currently feeding Noah and putting a roof over his head. Naaah, couldn't be. 

How will the parental dramatics play out, and what will Noah's solution be? Click on through the jump and refresh often to find out, as it happens! 

When the night .... has come. And the land is dark...

2:56PM EDT: Ooh, Beefy Barista's doing things to me that he shouldn't. Parker shows up and sees that DJ isn't there. Meanwhile, Austin From Days is driving her out to an Amish farm or something and throws her phone out the window.

Preview Time: No Nuke, but Ghost Sophie, suicidal Allison, and Emily and Butters getting married?! 

2:52PM EDT: Noah intercepts Luke and Stormcloud in the porch and tells them that Magic just had a foal, and Stormcloud reluctantly goes out to see it. Luke tells Noah that he'd love to move in with Noah but not right now, and says that one day they'll have a place that's all their own, and they kiss. Rawr! 

2:50PM EDT: Holden plays the Dusty card with Lily. Snap! She asks if this is all payback. Double-snap!

Quaker Oats Lady tells Matthew Perry 2.0 about Lily's wolf-out at the BBQ and mourns the fact that trouble follows her everywhere she goes. But honey, that's why we love you!

Diet Juno goes to Java to meet up with Parker and Beefy Barista is still working. But before she has a chance to deflower him Austin From Days shows up, literally throws her over his shoulder, and carries her off. Funny, when I see him do that to me in my dreams he's wearing nothing but a dance belt... 

2:44PM EDT: Little Miss wails and runs off and Luke follows her to Whore Lake, where she says that she hates their parents and he holds her. Meanwhile Lily accuses Holden of inviting QAF and he's all "helllll no." He points out that she's out of her ever-lovin' mind lately. BTW, can anyone see Martha Byrne doing any of this crazy stuff?

Dammit! gets all Not Without My Daughter and then they realize that she's gone anyway. Oops! 

Stormcloud and Luke have a heart-to-heart and she's actually not totally annoying for like the first time ever. I don't hear that Debbie Downer "wah-waaaah" noise after every line! In fact, I kind of like her! 

2:33PM EDT: Meanwhile, Dammit! and Austin From Days get into their own parent fight and AFD asks Security Bear to go "hang out in his car awhile". Ha! Anyone thinking of The Soup? Diet Juno of course scrambles the moment their backs are turned.

Luke gives Noah a keychain that his sister made for him at camp, and Noah says that maybe one day they can use it to carry keys to their own place. Luke tells him that it's not the right time for that but that coming to the barbecue would be a real solid. Noah thanks his beefy barista friend for covering for him and he tells the couple to have a nice time. Aw! 

Meanwhile, Stormcloud and The Other One have made napkin rings for Holden and Gilded Lily, but Stormcloud picks up right away that they're fighting again and she pulls a Jerri Blank cry-and-run (sans overturned candy dish) out of the room just as Luke and Noah show up. 

Oh boy - Quaker Oats Lady drops off Parsley at the barbecue and all of a sudden Gilded Lily lunges out at her from a cornfield. "Malachi! He wants you, too!"

No, she asks QAL how she dare show up and Holden pops up and tries to break up the fight (although he seems like he might be just a teensy bit turned on, am I wrong?) and Lily's all, "you can't just boink Holden and think things are just hunky-dory!" and they all turn around and Luke, Little Miss Stormcloud, The Other One, Emma, the Dalai Lama, and the ghost of Mother Teresa are standing there. Awkward!

2:20PM EDT: Quaker Oats Lady and MP2.0 are in the middle of a white hot parent fight that would put Ordinary People to shame. Please tell me Parker is going to show up and start barking at them.

Dammit! tells "Liberty Lou" that they're moving out of Oakdale. Yeah, right.

Meanwhile over at the Pity-Me Pancake Breakfast, Luke tries to cheer up Stormcloud by telling her to "chillax" and then forcing them to do the dishes. I love how he turns into such a dork around them. When are they going to teach him "holla at ya boy"?

Emma calls Gilded Lily and invites her to a big family barbecue at the farm and GL tries to beg off, saying that she was just about to make tuna salad. Nice excuse, girl! Luke convinces her to accept and tells her that he's bringing a date.

Over at Java, Noah is working with another guy and Luke shows up and asks him if he has a second. It's like No Limits in here! I do love that Noah has no discomfort with his boyfriend popping in at work and the guy he works with couldn't care less. Luke talks Noah into attending the most awkward barbecue since Joan of Arc. 

2:10PM EDT: Dammit! was whore-blocked by the Security Bear, whom Diet Juno refers to as "Lurch". Try sleeping your way through this one, sweets!

Meanwhile, Matthew Perry 2.0 lets slip to Quaker Oats Lady that their son had sex with his cousin, and her reaction is of course genius. I think she threw up in her mouth a little. 

2:05PM EDT: Bed-headed Holden shuffles into the kitchen, where Emma makes him some coffee and gets the latest scoop in the Irreconcilable Differences drama. 

Meanwhile, over at the Lily Pad, Luke is browsing through Celibate Gay's Life when Little Miss Stormcloud and her The Other One rush in and hug him. He welcomes them back from summer camp and asks if it was "totally tubular". Yes, if it were 1984. Stormcloud's first question is if, now that gay marriage is legal in California, Luke is moving away. Nice to see that they get The Advocate at Camp Rolling Hills.

Luke assures them that no, he's not getting married because marriage sucks, as his parents are proving quite nicely. He offers to make pancakes and they're all, "eh ...". Fine, have a Toaster Strudel, you ungrateful nits! 

Meanwhile, Diet Juno is under house arrest and has a daddy bear security guard that just stepped out of a Raging Stallion video. I'm liking this episode!