Liveblogging "As the World Turns": Take a letter, Ameera

Folks, we're on the cusp of something big: actual screen time for Nuke! Yes, after wallowing in the once-a-week mire with Oakdale's Alpha Gay Couple (and their wacky sham bride), we are being treated to three full days of Nukeness this week ... not to mention a rumored kiss and something called "plot".

Today's the day that the Luke/Noah/Ameera/Captain Pervy storyline kicks into high gear, with the boys finding the letter that disappeared ... oh, three months ago, on the day that Ameera mysteriously arrived. This of course gives Luke the chance to revive his inner Nancy Drew ... but that's not all! It looks like Captain Pervy busts out of the clink and makes his way to the Love Shack, where he surprises Ameera in her "inside clothes" (looks like she's discovered "the softer side of Sears"... God Bless America!).

Will Noah confront Ameera about the letter? Will Pervy hide under the bed and try to catch the boys at it? And most importantly ... what the hell happened to that ICE guy who was hanging out in the bushes? 'Cause he's not gonna want to miss this.

Click on through the jump and refresh often to find out!

Let the read letter day begin...

2:57PM EDT: Alright, let's revisit the kiss/foreplay scene here while all the dance chaperone nonsense plays out ... this was definitely as close to a real love scene that the boys have had, and although they didn't make it over the finish line (which, honestly, they're going to take their sweet time getting to, obviously), the lead-up didn't feel half-assed at all.

Have we gotten over the hump? Are the boys being treated like any other troubled couple? I may have to retire Sharky from the lead images ... and let's reset that clock!

Preview Time! Noah and Luke talk about finding out the truth about Pervs and Ameera ... and we'll be here to hold your hand through all the scary parts! 

2:55PM EDT: Noah tells Luke, "I love you ... I am so in love with you." They kiss passionately ... my heavens!

... and there's a knock on the door.

Noah: "What the hell?!"

They run to the door, and a cop tells them that Captain Pervy escaped from Jungle Larry's prison that morning. Awww, dad!!

2:50PM EDT: Luke tells Noah that it's finally "Just us" and touches his face. Noah asks if that's why his heart is beating so fast, and Luke tells him to "just breathe" and unbuttons his shirt. They almost kiss and then run into the bedroom, which they have thankfully realized is not just for jumping on. They kneel on the bed and embrace and look deeply into one another's eyes ...

Andy Captain Pervy pops out of the wardrobe with a flaming sword!

Okay, not really. (yet) 

2:46PM EDT: Luke and Noah come home and Ameera isn't there. Noah finds this odd, then Luke finds a note for Noah on the table. Noah opens it and says, "It's from Ameera!" Uh ... duh? What, does he have other sham wives mulling about the house that might have left a note?

When we cut back to them they're cuddling on the bed and Luke is reading Ameera's letter to Noah, which says that she's found another way to stay in the country and that they can have their wedding annulled and Noah can go back to living his own life.

Noah gets up, frustrated, and Luke points out that their life can go back to normal now. Noah thinks for a moment and says, "Then ... we're free?" Coitus Interruptus Sensors Tingling! 

2:39PM EDT: Oh hey, Luke and Noah! Almost forgot about them. They're sitting with the private detective guy at the hotel restaurant and he tells them that what Ameera has been telling them is true, that Pervy has helped her for years but that they also haven't seen one another in a long time.

Back at the Love Shack, Ameera is doing her best to host Pervy and tells him that Noah isn't around, and he says that he's not there to see Noah.

Back in Maddie Alley, Noah tells Luke that if Ameera told the truth about everything else, he doesn't see why she'd steal the letter. Luke suggests that they just ask her.

Alright, the "feed me, Juicy!" scene going on with Austin From Days is a pudding dribble away from a full-on sploshing scene. It's making me a bit uncomfortable. And hungry!

2:33 PM EDT: Austin From Days tells Juicy Janet that he's shirtless flattered but that he's also shirtless married. She slaps him and says, "SNAP OUT OF IT!" What, does he have a metal hand we don't know about? Someone must have told her that it's Cher's birthday (t/y snicks for the heads-up)!

2:25PM EDT: By the way, Juicy Janet (nee Dammit!) and Diet Juno are still trying to foul things up for AFD and BO. And Quaker Oats Lady and Holden are still making cow eyes at each other ... what gives?!

Back at Pity Me Farms, Lady Drumstick is dropping some science on New Lily (as she is wont to do) on how she's blowing things with Holden. She advises NL to crash her daughter's dance so that she can spend time with Holden ... even if it ends in a fight. So I guess we know where Lily gets her stellar child-rearing skills. Of course, back at the achingly 1960's-looking school (looks just like the one I attended back in Iowa), Holden and QAL agree to chaperone together.

AFD is painting shirtless listening to Maroon 5. Someone make this into an animated GIF right away! Juicy shows up with some homemade food for him and drops her coat and asks if he feels like "having a little Italian". Austin replies, "I already have a little Italian ... he's standing right over there!" (Cut to Roberto Begnini smiling in the corner.)

2:14PM EDT: QAL and MP2.0 get into a fight, New Lily knows that Little Miss is embarrassed by her, blah blah...

Luke lays out exactly what I pointed out above about what a coinkeedink it is that the letter vanished when Ameera arrived and then appeared in his house, and Noah isn't hearing it. (Good Lord ... I wonder how many Brooklyn Bridges Noah owns by this point?) Luke has a number of a guy who might be able to find out if Ameera has a connection to Captain Pervy ...

Back at the Love Shack, Ameera comes back from Trader Olaf's with groceries, and she hears something in the other room ... it's Captain Pervy! And he's apparently on break from his job at Jungle Larry's Safari Cruise, because he's wearing one of those bizarre khaki getups again. 

2:07: New Lily (Gilded Lily?) wakes up with that "I had the strangest dream..." look on her face and turns over in bed to find ... Bob Newhart! Okay, it's Holden.

Meanwhile, over at the Love Shack, Noah is going through the dresser and comes across the letter than disappeared from his backpack ages ago at Pity Me Farms. He goes out into the living room and calls Luke, who's at the coffee shop cramming for a final. Wait, where's Ameera? She must be off at Jazzercise. Noah tells Luke he'll come to him.

Meanwhile, Austin From Days and the Blonde Obstacle collapse in a sweaty heap on their sofa and talk about how they've "christened" every room in the house. AFD is wrapped in a blanket. He says that he'll repaint the house (maybe rechristening was the right word after all!) and BO says that she'll help him get the "hard-to-reach spots". I bet.

Noah meets up with Luke and shows him the letter. Luke, a little noncholantly, says that it's of course Ameera. 

Meanwhile, Little Miss Stormcloud wants to go to a dance and tells New Lily and Holden that she told her teachers that they wouldn't want to chaperone because they're, you know, the worst parents ever.

But guess who is going to chaperone? Quaker Oats Lady and Matthew Perry 2.0! Watertight quality control at this school, I tell ya.