Liveblogging "As the World Turns": The Robe!

If it isn't obvious already, I simply cannot get enough of that amazing pic of actor Laurence Lau as Greg on All My Children. I'm thinking of getting it tattooed on my face.

Today's a big day in the Luke/Brian "Wheatables" Wheatley/Lady Drumstick intergenerational love triangle, as we find that this time it's Wheatbles who's hitting the sauce and resorting to the oldest of weapons of mass seduction in his attempts to woo Luke:

The silk robe.

That's right, Peepaw Wheatables "slips into something more comfortable" and makes another move on our beloved gay virgin in today's sure-to-be-awesome episode. Move over, Devon Banks! There's a new sheriff in town.

Click on through the jump and refresh often to catch all the ankle-flashing action, as it happens!

Let's get silky...

2:55PM EST:  QOL puts her wedding pictures in a drawer. Aww!

Preview Time!: No Nuke, unfortch. Really curious what's coming next. I hope it involves more loungewear! 

2:53PM EST: Wheatables explains that he was expressing his gratitude to Luke and wet himself. Lily offers to make a sandwich for him and he declines, telling Luke he appreciates the ride and excusing himself. Luke, meanwhile, seems oddly unfazed, smiling at his parents and going to bed.

Holden tells Lily about Noah's showing up at the bachelor party and then they go to bed. 

OMG, International Foods Cafe Vienna is wearing the Chicken Lady's robe and brushing her hair and Henry comes in in a velvet smoking jacket and they reenact some bizarre old-timey romance movie thing. Hey, if role-playing keeps the Peparkakor fresh, so be it. He sweeps her off her feet and to the bed. If she starts singing "Oh Sweet Mystery of Life at Last I've Found You", I'm gonna pee a little.

Oooh! Wheats in his robe! He sneaks out of his room to get another drink and Luke ambushes him and lays down the law: if he ever comes onto him again, he's gonna tell Lady Drumstick everything. EVERYTHING! Luke is apparently immune to the seductive powers of the robe, because he leaves Wheats standing in his own vapors. 

2:47PM EST: Quaker Oats Lady with her hair up and no makeup! You go, girl. Nice to see a human on television every now and then. Matthew Perry 2.0 gives her two aspirin and puts her in bed and, at her request, gets in with her to hold her hand until she falls asleep. But then comes the pillow talk, where he admits he still loves her but he's getting married. He gets up to leave and when he tells her that a lot of the time that they had together "was pretty wonderful", his voice cracks and it's actually very sweet. 

Awww! What a nice scene.

MP2.0 shows up at the bachelorette party just as Dammit! is starting to get suspicious and he tells her right off the bat what happened. Dammit! gives him an out in case he still wants to call off the wedding.

Back at the Lily Pad, Wheatables apologizes to Luke for getting so drunk, but I'm thrilled to see that his hair is actually moving for the first time ever. He wants another drink but Luke gives him water instead, which Wheats spills all over himself. As Luke is mopping it off of him Wheats grabs his hand and Luke says, "Brian, you don't want to do this." i say, "Yes - yes I do!" And then Wheats says, "Yes - yes I do!" and kind of tries to embrace Luke ... but then Holden and Lily walk in! 

2:35PM EST: A boozy Quaker Oats Lady gets into a squabble with Holden and tells him that he never really loved her and that MP2.0 still does. Like Beetlejuice, he appears when his name is spoken, and she asks him for one last dance. 

A country song comes on and QOL tells MP2.0 it reminds her of "that night at Scampedes" and they start ...OMG THEY ARE ACTUALLY BOOT-SCOOTING! There was two-stepping in Brooklyn, folks. Let it be on the record. QAL runs off to throw up. Ha! See, that's what you get for listening to contemporary country.

Meanwhile, Wheats is blitzed and he tells Luke that he is glad that he's not drinking and Luke assures him he's not doing it for him. Wheats asks for a ride home and Luke says he doesn't want to be in a car alone with him, so Wheats goes to call a cab but can't work his phone, so Luke caves and walks him out of the bar to drive him home.

Meanwhile, MP2.0 drives QOL home and apparently boots again in his car. He leaves her on the doorstep and she stumbles into the house and immediately crumbles onto the floor, crying. He materializes (she must have said "Beetlejuice" again amidst the sobs) and carries her upstairs. Oooooh chit!

2:27PM EST: OMG, how much do I love that they crack open the time capsule every year and blow the dust off that Elizabeth Taylor White Diamonds commercial from 1987? Does the gift set come with a Miami Vice soundtrack cassette? 

2:24PM EST: Okay, the shots of Wheatables dancing in the background of these scenes are COMEDY GOLD. Even Luke apologizing again to Noah and asking him for another chance isn't enough to distract me from how amazing he is. Noah says he can't give Luke another chance and he leaves, while Wheats slowly melts into the bar.

Quaker Oats Lady shows up to rain on the parade. Girl's thorough! 

2:22PM EST: Meanwhile, over at The Saddest Little Bachelorette Party in Oakdale, Quaker Oats Lady is getting trashed on chocolate martinis (uh, she'll get diabetes first) ... when a male stripper arrives!

He's in a cop's uniform, of course, and he does a rather prolonged dance routine before the tearaway pants come off and he mounts Dammit!. Quaker Oats Lady takes the Luke role.

Back at Yo's, Wheats is doing the worst impersonation of a straight man I've ever seen and Luke points out to Noah that he's overcompensating, and when Noah doesn't agree Luke snaps, "maybe he reminds you of yourself when you were a bit fat closet case" and Noah makes to leave, but Luke stops him. 

2:15PM EST: Boy, this bachelorette party is the saddest thing I've ever seen. Four women screaming over handcuffs and lace teddies in a silent, empty nightclub while the bride-to-be's sworn enemy mixes up chocolate martinis and stares daggers from behind the bar. Wooooooooo!

Oh, and the third mystery guest at Yo's is Luke. Sorry, I didn't recognize him without his eyes rolling out of his head. He goes and orders a seltzer and the bartender tells him that's a good move, as he doesn't want to have to throw him out again. Ha!

Noah shows up and they have the same conversation they've been having for a week. Noah asks Luke if he's drunk and he says no, but maybe he should be. Noah's all, "that's not funny!" and goes to join the other guys.

Wheatables offers to buy Luke a soda and says that the least they can do is be civil to one another. Luke of course doesn't feel like being civil, so he bolts and Wheats orders a scotch. Oh my, a stripper just arrived. Or at least they think she's the stripper, so Henry asks her if she wants to just get undressed in the bathroom and she's shocked ... as is her husband! Henry makes a crack about her heels (of course!) before Austin from Days pulls him away. Oh Henry!

Meanwhile the real stripper shows up and ambushes Matthew Perry 2.0 and while she's rubbing herself all over him in her underwear a visibly soused Wheatables stumbles through the crowd and screams, "SHAKE IT, BABY! WOOOOOOO!" OMG someone please animated GIF that IMMEDIATELY! Luke of course rolls his eyes at gay gramps's enthusiasm.

2:05PM EST: Oooh that creepy IKEA woman again. Although have you seen the one with the lesbian comment? Pretty cool.

Oh, the soap. Right. Dammit! is on the phone with Matthew Perry 2.0 until General Foods International Coffees Cafe Vienna comes by and yells at her for talking on the phone and actually tries to physically throw her out of the diner. Meanwhile, Vienna is dressed like one of those suicide cult members who were waiting for the comet to take them to heaven ...

Oh, its bachelor/bachelorette party time! Austin from Days and Henry manhandle MP2.0 out of the police station (which isn't nearly as exciting as it should be) and meet up with Holden, Wheatables and someone else at Yo's. And of course Quaker Oats Lady crashes Dammit's shower. Ooooh!