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Liveblogging "As the World Turns": The Wicked Stepfather
Oh, fine - Holden's totally not going to kill Luke. And in fact, Holden has been about as good a parent as any gay teen could hope for, supporting him unconditionally when he came out and even allowing his boyfriend to move into their home. But today Luke learns about his beloved stepdad's infidelities and his world is shaken to the core. When Luke finds out that pops has been sowing his wild oats (with a woman who knows her way around a bowl of oatmeal, appropriately enough), will his faith in relationships be shattered forever? And more importantly, what the hell happened when Gilded Lily tried to mow the hussy down in yesterday's cliffhanger?! Click on through the jump and refresh often to find out, as it happens! Let the chaos begin! 2:58PM EST: Holden comes by and Luke tells him that Lily doesn't want to see him, and neither does he. But more importantly, Quaker Oats Lady has an amazing breakdown in the kitchen by herself, hurling a rock-candy glass against the counter and then bellowing like a freshly-speared rhino. I know I pick on her a lot, but seriously, NO other actress on this show could pull this off like she does. It's my favorite moment since her mascara breakdown last year. Preview Time: Luke tells Noah, "there's nothing stopping us from having sex. So why don't we?" Amen! 2:53PM EDT: Lily comes out (looking like she just stepped out of a salon, of course) and asks Luke to take her home. Holden asks if they can talk and she says he can talk to her lawyer. Chuurrrrrrrrrch! Meanwhile, Quaker Oats Lady finally snaps and READS MP2.0 for being so high-and-mighty. He leaves. Double-Churrrrrrrrrch! Churrrch with a side of Churrrrrrrrrch! Meanwhile, Dammit! is getting all syphilis-and-brimstone with Diet Juno and is telling her that she's taking her to get a lecture on STDs and birth control. She also wants her to be "One Less". When DJ goes to leave Dammit! tells her to tell Parker to "keep it in his pants". Yeah, I'm sure Spawn of Superwhore will be sure to pass that on! Luke has gotten GL back to the Lilypad and when she says she doesn't want her issues to get between him and his dad, he tells her that this has changed everything. He's really upset. 2:45PM EDT: Now Matthew Perry 2.0 is following Quaker Oats Lady around her house, yelling at her. Did they accidentally pick up Lily and Holden's pages? Luke is not taking the news of Holden's affair well. He snaps at him, asking him how he could do this. Then he gives him the "I'm disappointed in you" routine and adds in a "I'll never understand this" stinger. This kid learned guilt from a pro! 2:40PM EDT: Gilded Lily comes out of her room to find Holden, MP2.0 and QOL squabbling, and starts in again with the dramatics. Oy! Thankfully, Holden gives her a "Shelby, drink the juice!" and sends her back to her room. Luke and Noah show up and Luke is all, "What have you done with my new mother?!" Noah makes a quick exit and Holden admits to Luke that he hurt his mom. 2:32PM EDT: Diet Juno gives her mom the "just the tip" defense and then begs her mom to hit her. What is wrong with these women?! Austin From Days threatens Parker if he ever touches his daughter again and when Parker says "this isn't the Sopranos" AFD replies, "if you touch her again you're gonna be singing like a soprano." Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think he probably does already. 2:24PM EDT: Noah and Luke love Dammit! because she "makes a mean omelet" (what, was it scowling at them?) and is willfully breaking Gramma Emma's no-boinking rule. Luke actually points out that Uncle Jack must be loving having her around ... you know, because he's having the sex with her. Noah wonders if Emma might not cut them the same slack if they got caught knocking the boots under her roof. Luke admits to almost sneaking into Noah's room the previous night. Ooh! The little tramp. Of course before they can get around to doing anything he suddenly realizes that his parents are missing and calls them and finds out about the whole "your mom almost killed herself trying to murder her sister-in-law" thing. Buzzkill! Meanwhile, Dammit! smells whore on her daughter (takes one to know one!) and asks where she slept the night before. MP2.0 isn't buying Gilded Lily's story, so she tells him to step outside and ask Holden and QOL himself. I hope this is the wing of the hospital with the self-serve painkiller stations, because they're all gonna need some. 2:16PM EDT: AFD just actually used the phrase "living in sin" to Dammit!. How Seventh Heaven. Meanwhile, Parker and Diet Juno are scrambling to get out of the house. Booo-ring. Holden and Quaker Oats Lady reconnoiter immediately outside Gilded Lily's room, where she's getting ready to spill the beans to MP2.0. She admits to trying to go all Steven King on QOL. 2:07PM EDT: We start off with some Austin From Days in underwear feeding croissants to The Blonde Obstacle in bed. That's the stuff. Soon enough they both realize that Diet Juno hasn't been home all night and is missing. Meanwhile, Dammit! has made breakfast for Luke and Noah (who are at this point the only two men she hasn't slept with) and jokes that when she went to get the eggs there was a gay rooster sitting on them. Luke and Noah look suitably uncomfortable. When they reveal that they're not allowed to sleep in the same room, her advice is to break the rules. Because the Rachel Ray of homewrecker whores is really one to give parenting advice, right? We jump to the hospital, where Gilded Lily has been taken after driving into a wall. Holden goes in to talk to her and Quaker Oats Lady shows up to chat with Matthew Perry 2.0, who wants to know why she was there when it happened. GL has amnesia for 7 whole seconds before she remembers everything and starts screaming at Holden again. "Nope, two corpses, everything's fine!" 1:55P EDT: Actually, before we start can we revisit yesterday's AMAZING cliffhanger? In case you missed it, after a seeming eternity of Gilded Lily following Holden around the Lilypad and yelling at him, she got behind the wheel of her car ... and proceeded to try to mow down Quaker Oats Lady. (Chances are, knowing Lily, she missed.) For my money it's the best final-moment attempted vehicular homicide since the series finale of Popular, when Melissa Etheredge's babymomma tried to kill that annoying reporter chick from Iron Man. "You .... BITCH." Vrrooooooooooooom! White. Hot. Submitted by on Fri, 2008-07-18 13:53.  And in the Coming Attractions for Next Week--Submitted by
David Ehrenstein (6310 points) (1402 posts) on Fri, 2008-07-18 17:33.Luke says to Noah "You know there's nothing to prevent us from having sex now. Why don't we?" Obviously Luke's been reading this blog.
But from the look on Noah's face he probably "has issues" about doin' it for some dumb/insane reason or another. "Perfornmance Anxiety"? "Shrinkage"?
OH MY GAAAWWWDDDD -- NOAH'S GOT PENCIL DICK!!!! Can you stand it? Of course you can.
Meanwhile it's nice to see Luke dragged back into the main plots cause Van Hansis can fume and pout to beat the band.
 I think that would mean NoahSubmitted by
Knickie (3315 points) (675 posts) on Wed, 2008-07-23 22:49.I think that would mean Noah really IS... gay! Because other than saying so and a few kisses like I'd give my grandmother, there's no other actual proof.
YOU "must be a slut"? Good grief, what does that make ME?Submitted by
David Ehrenstein (6310 points) (1402 posts) on Fri, 2008-07-18 17:39.I started pulling other boys pants down from when I was 8! By the time I reached High School I was in the market for a three-way! Those showers at the Farm must be EXCLUSIVELY cold. Grandma Emmy's SaltpeterSubmitted by
Knickie (3315 points) (675 posts) on Fri, 2008-07-18 22:14.Grandma Emmy's Saltpeter Brownies.
 Well, I'm one...Submitted by
Bill S (1486 points) (300 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 08:46.I'm a slut in theory. Meaning, I'd be incredibly slutty if there were any takers.  I haven't read any spoilersSubmitted by
HenryZ (1017 points) (206 posts) on Fri, 2008-07-18 18:16.
I haven't read any spoilers but I'm going to guess Luke and Noah won't end up doing anything next week. They won't have sex, I doubt they'll even kiss on screen. They need to move out of Emma's house so that they can at least lie fully clothed in the same bed next to each other like Parker and Liberty.  Not Living in the CottageSubmitted by
Taste_The_Rainbow (2077 points) (552 posts) on Fri, 2008-07-18 18:59.Not to give ATWT writers any benefit of the doubt but maybe the fact that Luke and Loah are still minors (at least Luke is, not sure how old Noah is) is what's keeping the writers from moving them into their own place (such as the cottage [change of set notwithstanding]) or sending them off to a hotel or some other such more real world event. I'm not saying it's right or makes sense outside of soapoperaland, but it's plausible. Or have I been drinking the Kool Aid thinking it's Smart Water? Also, As to why they don't just break the rule, I don't think if I was a teen living at home that I'd be very comfortable having sex in the same house with my parents or grandparents or uncles, aunts, cousins, siblings even at college age. I'd definitely have to go somewhere else, ANY WHERE ELSE. The real question is, why aren't they having all the sex, you know, ANY WHERE ELSE?!!! I mean they both have cars...
 They have cars? I thoughtSubmitted by
virgo108 (481 points) (100 posts) on Fri, 2008-07-18 22:38.They have cars? I thought they only travelled with the magical Oakdale transporters!
 They seem to have the desire and legal rightSubmitted by
Nukely (3343 points) (1123 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 10:04.According to my records, Luke had his unceremonious 18th birthday last May, and Noah is in his second year of college. Neither are minors in any state. Age of consent in Illinois is 17; Luke hasn't been a minor since before he Met Noah. As I have said before, this is not the story of two young boys, it's the story of two young men (with blue balls.)
Yes, they have cars, motels, barns, and vacant lots in Oak-dale. Also, with the aid of the Oakdale teletransporter, a cosy, little, abandoned cabin in the wilds of Alaska is only a sigh away. But I vote for them doing it in Luke's room under the shelf of his high school trophies. Noah jabs his hands under the covers, zoom into the figurine holding the basket ball, Audio: Luke squeals. .
 Other people manage to have sex in OakdaleSubmitted by
Psionycx (6674 points) (1329 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 12:42.Total agreement Nukely. Luke and Noah are not a couple of kids. They're adults who are in college. I'm also forced to point out that, when he felt Ameera was in need, Noah managed to get all the way to New York City and Luke managed to follow him there. Thus I have a very hard time coming up with any plausible rationalization as to why these two are not going at it like a couple of alley cats. They clearly have the will and the means to escape from the prying eyes of Luke's family if they need to go someplace private for a little man-love. This is why their lack of lovemaking seems so preposterous and insulting. There's no real explanation for it other than the classic "producers afraid of offending Grandma" thing. This is like some throwback from decades ago, when you couldn't even imply that a male-female couple had sex until they had gotten married. Which is what it seems like with Nuke, except oh yeah,they can't get married (at least not in Illinois) so I guess we can't expect much to happen. They need to transfer to a school in Ontario or something. Minors PointSubmitted by
Taste_The_Rainbow (2077 points) (552 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 15:04.I wasn't talking about the age of consent laws per se, I was simply pointing out that they are both under 21 (not legal adults) and living at home so they do kind of have to do as their told at home. Holden points that Luke is under age when he's going off to the Bar for College Night. Which has nothing to do with whether or not they are old enough to have sex (of course they are and should). I get that it's ridiculous that two teens aren't having sex but since the character only exist within the world of the soap, I'm assuming that's their reality. An 18 year old and a 19 year old living under a grandmother's roof. My only point that they are "living at home" so sex in the house would just be kind of disrespectful and not really in Luke's character. I defintely grew up under the "long as you live under my roof" type of rules so that doesn't seem strange to me. The above having been said, I don't think ANY THING should be stopping them from having sex some where else, just not on the farm, was my point. Since when did not being able to have sex at home stop teens or anyone else from doing it. Hasn't stoped Casey (who is also a legal minor, even if he is above the age of consent to have sex) ... Perhaps Luke will realize next week that "no sex on the farm" doesn't mean no sex anywhere else in the world and free himself from his purity vow...
Minors point takenSubmitted by
Nukely (3343 points) (1123 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 17:30.Minor describes age of sexual consent. Drinking age is Drinking age, though it is also sometimes referred to as minor in the same way that compulsory school age (16) is described as the breaking point for being a minor. Age of consent is established so that a father can't throw a 25 year olds ass in jail for screwing his 22 year old daughter. What we are talking about in this show is a denial of the age of consent. Emma has a right to impose what ever rules she wants on her household, just like that father.
I agree, nothing is stopping Nuke from having sex elsewhere, except for the producers. I just hate to see this "framed" as an age of consent thing. .
MinoritySubmitted by
Psionycx (6674 points) (1329 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 22:35.Legally a "minor" is someone who has not reached an age of legal autonomy, not someone who has not yet reached the age to purchase alcohol in a given state. Indeed, one of the funny ironies in America is that in most places you can vote, get married or get sent to war even before you're old enough to buy booze. Noah, for example, is old enough to have gotten legally married to Ameera and also to join the army. Technically so is Luke. Neither of them is under parental authority except to the extent that they might live in a parent's home. There's nothing stopping them from going out and getting a place of their own. Indeed, Noah had been enthusiastic about the idea before that idiot Henry stuck his nose in and dissuaded Luke from going along with it. For that matter, even before that Noah and Maddie were thinking of getting an apartment together as well. Luke's parents and grandmothers have no legal right to forbid him to have sex. Even if he defied house rules and did so at the farm Grandma couldn't really have him arrested (unless they did it in the kitchen and she claimed charges of public indecency I suppose). At best she could insist that he move out. The only reason they don't have sex is that they don't seem to want to, or at least Noah doesn't. Which is to say the writers are employing the flimsiest excuses they can manage to rationalize why these guys are celibate. They're both at least 18 --Submitted by
Knickie (3315 points) (675 posts) on Wed, 2008-07-23 22:53.They're both at least 18 -- as Noah proved when he tried to join the Army. They can vote and get married -- to girls, of course, in the 48 -- even Parker, who is 15 is on the verge of doing it and I'm betting he will soon. Only Nuke has this virtual chastity belt welded on them.
If you have to ask, then you're not having sexSubmitted by
GaySpouseDotCom (836 points) (260 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 02:59.Luke tells Noah, "there's nothing stopping us from having sex. So why don't we?" If they have to ask this question, then they don't have the explosive attraction to actually have sex, let alone a sustained sex life, with each other. When you're with a guy, you either have that spark or you don't, and no amount of talking can create that spark. They should just shake hands (apparently the most friction they can handle), go their separate ways (with Luke's way leading him to Reg). Long live Rukeg! But I know instead, next week's interaction will merely be filler to prime the audience for all the erectile dysfunction ads they will play between segments. ;P To be completely fair...Submitted by
Bill S (1486 points) (300 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 08:16....I can think of one realistic reason these two might hesitate to have sex: Since they're both first-timers, there'd have to be some negotiating as to Who Does What. Given that neither is terribly articulate, that would be incredibly awkward for both. Even if they're versatile, the question becomes "Who goes first?" However, I doubt that's occurred to the writers, which is unfortunate because that particular brand of awkwardness might actually be entertaining.
Not buying thatSubmitted by
Psionycx (6674 points) (1329 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 12:50.I don't know about you, but I will freely admit that I didn't actually f*ck my first time (with either gender) and indeed I was with my first boyfriend (and sexually active with him) a few months before we actually did that. So arguing that Luke and Noah have to sort out Top/Bottom issues before they can proceed is ridiculous. A substantial number of gay men don't f*ck with any great frequency and certainly don't refuse to have sex unless they're going to do that. First Nuke actually need to graduate beyond closed-mouth kissing and actually trying getting past first base. I mean, have they ever even been completely naked together? Their relationship seems a little Victorian.  Victorian?Submitted by
Gwhen (245 points) (50 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 21:43.The Victorians were wild in comparison to these two... I'd even say Puritanical, but we know the Pilgrims got married young and had babies -- which means they were naked and had SEX! Luke and Noah, are just: a. Neutered b. So sexually frustrated that they don't know how to start anything because of brain freeze
c. Written so badly, people would be insulted, except that they're the only American gay soap couple we have. And to some, something is better than nothing. d. all of the above The OakdaleSubmitted by
simone66 (295 points) (64 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 08:26.transporters work over long distances like trips to New York in a matter of seconds. Actually a car was used in Oakdale once and that was when Emily and Dusty had sex. So the writers are aware of the technology.
I can think of one realistic reason these two might hesitate tooSubmitted by
David Ehrenstein (6310 points) (1402 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 08:30.Proctor and Gamble
Well, it's THEIR loss.Submitted by
Bill S (1486 points) (300 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 08:48.I mean, think of the "Product Placement" possibilities. Um...on second thought, don't. Product Placements?Submitted by
Gwhen (245 points) (50 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 22:01.Do they manufacture personal lubricants or condoms?
Oh, and, sorry to nitpick, but...Submitted by
Bill S (1486 points) (300 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 08:35.Carly isn't Lily's sister-in-law. Jack and Holden are cousins, which I guess would make Carly her ex-cousin-in-law. Meg is Lily's sister-in-law, and you shouldn't raise our hopes by suggesting that was who Lily was gunning for.
 When did Holden and Lily...Submitted by
Joseph (5653 points) (1139 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 10:29....get remarried? I know it was only a few months ago when they got divorced. Did I miss their remarriage?  They Were Never DivorcedSubmitted by
Anthony D. Langford (5677 points) (1167 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 10:39.Holden and Lily were never divorced. Holden wanted to go to Las Vegas and get a quickie divorce late last year, but they decided to wait until after the holidays. Then, Dusty was murdered and after dealing with that problem, Holden and Lily tried to make another go of it and reunited. In fact, during Noah's marriage to Ameera, Holden and Lily discussed renewing their vows. Following that though, Lily was having trouble dealing with Dusty's death and left town to grieve. While she was gone, Holden grew close to Carly and the rest is history......
But what about Bonnie?Submitted by
Joseph (5653 points) (1139 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 11:05.Just before the Dusty murder s/l, Holden hired Bonnie for his divorce, and I swear there was a scene where she brought the paperwork to him and he signed it....  Luke - He's just that into you in any respect. Next......Submitted by
Guillermo Serri... (3156 points) (815 posts) on Sat, 2008-07-19 15:32.Just when ATWT airs a few episodes that I can enjoy either due to true interest (Butters/Emily/Hughes versus Stuart MINUS Ali) and for major unintended laughter (Sofie/Paul/Meg/Babs/syringes/Cole), Friday was a let down as the payoff to cliffhanger was not seen by the audience, and they decided to fill the hour with a tiny Nukisode, and a weird amount of time spent on explicit sex dialogue about Diet Juno and Parker.
DJ and P got to "sleep" together in a way that Nuke never has. And DJ may have been showing more skin that Luke has seen on Noah since there last attempt to sneak in sex between Ameera's mall run and the authorities raiding Lucinda's cottage. And to stab my heart yet again, the writers are re branding of Carly as the cause of everything, including 9/11. I liked her snapping back at Jack, who does as he pleases including boinking Janet more times than Carly has Holden and having him lie and brake agreed upon rules. I would have loved to see her kick the living crap out of him. At least Brian threw my girl a bone.
Back to Nuke: For a while I was hating Noah as he's been unable to keep me engaged. Van has done a great job, but recently, especially yesterday, he too joined that club of phoning it in. His scenes with Fily and especially Holden did not have any of the stuff that Van did to show a person behind the crap that he and Noah get. Butters had some major losers thrown it him (no comparison of course), but to me he now makes even Van look limp.
Even an Oscar-winner might have a hard time if all that was given to him was boring while his cast mates at least got to do things, make mistakes, and perpetually serve as occasional props to other story lines or have sporadic scenes that don't reflect life or daytime drama.
Their next obstacle will probably be Noah's non-responsive penis as not even all the prescription products advertised during the show will be able to cure whatever ails him. Not Cymbalta, Viagra, Abilify, Christian Rock, or medications for RLS, IBS, PMS, or fibromyalgia.
It's amazing how Nuke lead the most boring/depressing lives in the history of TV and not due to lack of kissing or money shots. If there is to be no romance, why can't they ride those Snyder horses, ride Aaron's bike, go to the park or getting caught up in silly situations like Austin from Days and Katie. None of this requires penetration or even kissing. Noah is a doom and gloom kind of guy and slowly Luke's blanket is as wet as Noah's, for all the wrong reasons. Guillermo's Media Guillotine: Entertainment, journalism, politics, and popular culture. Hey, I've got the solution!Submitted by
David Ehrenstein (6310 points) (1402 posts) on Sun, 2008-07-20 20:21.Luke should nail Parker and get him away from that skeevy "Liberty" chick.
Meanwhile Casey -- swearing off Cougars-- makes the moves on Noah. Then change the show's title to As the Trick Turns
As funny as this suggestion is...Submitted by
Bill S (1486 points) (300 posts) on Mon, 2008-07-21 15:18....and it IS funny, I think we should steer clear of any Parker scenarios for now. The kid playing him is only 15. I'm already a little creeped out watching him mack on the 21-year-old playing his 16-year-old-cousin. I can't say I'd feel better about seeing him with a 26-year-old playing his 18-year-old cousin. (Yeah, I know, they're both adopted..) Actually, I'd rather see Luke hook up with his stepbrother Aaron, if it comes to that. My suggestion-Casey moves in with Luke and Noah, and begins secretly sleeping with both. And the producers make it mandatory for Billy Magnussen to remove his shirt in every episode. I like it. Cougar Emily fighting Luke for Casey's affectionsSubmitted by
Guillermo Serri... (3156 points) (815 posts) on Wed, 2008-07-23 22:28.Casey grows more and more likable each day and since he seems to be the only character comfortable in his skin, he and Em could have a little tiff (as Em replays Susan telling her that she's robbing the womb) and Casey goes to Luke (forget Noah) and they start to talk and one thing leads to another without any alcohol or apologies. Casey goes back to Em as he really loves her, but Luke realizes that in the few days that he spent with Casey, he experienced more of a connection and presence than he ever has with his so-called bf.
After letting the door hit Noah in the ass, Luke starts to feel more comfortable with who he is and is in no hurry to pair up or even have sex, unless he meets someone who is available emotionally (unlike Noah) and not already in love with someone else. Unlike his time with Noah, Luke values his time with Casey and the two continue to be friends without "benies" (Juicy Janet's annoying term) as they both saw their coupling as honest and have zero shame as it was an extension of a close moment.
And Casey will be shirtless in almost every scene.
Guillermo's Media Guillotine: Entertainment, journalism, politics, and popular culture. |
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Ha!
that SECRET deodorant girl
anyone else think she's the most psychotic person ever seen on television?
This week on SNICKS 80'S HOT 100, the free internet radio station, it's the BILLBOARD HOT 100 for July 2nd -8th, 1983!Holden
Holden adopted Luke, so he is technically his father, not his stepfather. Or does adoption not change that?
Also, SECRET girl is possibly the most annoying person ever. I keep wanting the Taxi driver to spit in her face or mow her down. And I don't care how smooth and supple your arm pits are, no one wants to see them.
www.thebittersuite.blogspot.com
Only In Oakdale.....
Lily's Hospital Bills...
Who here would hate to see her insurance and hospital bills? Ugh. I mean, just since the Luke/Nuke Storylines there's been a pregnancy, addiction/overdose, near-fatal attacks, coma, and now this... Jesus.
Granted, I know they're rather 'well-off', I mean, Holden just walked into the bank and walked out with what, a quarter-million, or a million dollars cash when Lily and Lucinda were being held hostage by Evan Walsh, but seriously, can anyone in this family stay out of the hospital for more than 6 months?
okay..tell me again why Luke and Noah..
are staying at the farm when they have the whole house that Ameera just left?
This week on SNICKS 80'S HOT 100, the free internet radio station, it's the BILLBOARD HOT 100 for July 2nd -8th, 1983!The house (set) that Ameera
I Gotta Admit...
hmm..
Wasn't luke just as upset when his mom hooked up with that dusty dude?
Luke Was Upset....
He has more reason to be upset this time
I must be a slut
I waited four dates once
And yes, it was TOTALLY worth it.
Read my books! Explore "Brent's Brain" at http://www.brenthartinger.com Average (3 votes):
I think that that's proper
Luke and Noah's relationship isn't healthy
oh no
1950s Connecticut was Hotter than Oakdale 2008