Liveblogging As the World Turns: There's No Place Like Home Edition

Heya, Nuke lovers! After a full week off the junk, we're back with your Hot Gay Oakdale Teen fix. When we last left the fellas, they had reunited after Captain Pervy's attack, which left Luke Temporarylized ® and Noah entertaining thoughts of hoboism, despair, and heterosexuality. But Noah ultimately returned to Luke's side and made a vow to stay with Luke even though in the short-term there might not be too much dancin' in the sheets.

What will happen when Luke gets out of the hospital? Will Noah tire of his new candystripe love affair? Click on through the jump and refresh often to find out as it happens...

Click your heels together three times and say "there's no place like Oakdale!"

2:59PM EDT: Luke to Holden: There's one person to blame for this, and he's going to jail ... and it's not Mom." Oh -- thanks for clearing up that last point!

Dusty whisks Lily into a room with a full decanter of brandy and pours her a glass, and she sits on the bed, telling him that Holden moved out and she can't be alone tonite. Oooh -- she's fresh as paint!

RoseAnne didn't die in the accident, and ITK proposes to her, and she accepts. Now let me write this down: cause an accident, then propose. Got it.

Preview Time! Luke and Noah are cuddling in the kitchen and Maddie comes in the door and sees them! Maybe that door only makes noise when men open it?

Lily wakes up with a hangover in Dusty's room and Holden finds out about it!

Holden pulls a Noah and gets drunk!

This should be fun ... we'll be back tomorrow to see what happens! 

2:49PM EDT: Lily runs into Lady Drumstick at the same corner where Maddie spent a few weeks. She tells her that she doesn't know if her marriage with Holden can survive this. I feel her pain. Trust me.

Luke tells Holden that he's being a jerk to his mom. Atta boy!

Meanwhile, Lily drops her papers all over the floor of the Ruth's Chris and starts crying. Dusty pops out of Captain Pervy's favorite ficus to help her. Dusty says "maybe you shouldn't be around me right now" and I expect him to continue with, "I'm a loner, Dottie -- a rebel...". He whisks her off somewhere where they can be better stumbled upon by her husband.

Oooh! I think RoseAnne HecheKowski just got into an accident because she was talking on the phone while driving! Atta girl. Oh wait, no -- she's fine. But somehow the Ice Truck Killer catches up with her and inadvertently causes an accident! Or something! I don't really care, but the possibly inadvertent reference to Janet Leigh's driving scene in Psycho is enough to make me happy either way.

2:41PM EDT: Lily drags Holden out onto the porch by the ear and reads his ass about telling Luke that she is to be blamed for the accident. She goes inside to talk to him and Luke tells her it's not her fault, and Luke says no one knew how pervy Captain Pervy really was. Luke starts to say he's sorry but Lily tells him he's not to blame for anything. Holden comes in to see them talking and the door slams behind him. Take a hint, Lily!

Back at the Diner That Isn't Henry's, Dusty and Lady Drumstick are still carrying on like they're old chums. Old chums who hate each other, that is.

Lily and Holden fall right back into being total asses to one another in front of their Temporarylized ® son, and Luke is either totally over this or Van is asleep in his wheelchair. After Holden out-snaps Lily and gets her to leave, Luke tells Holden that he's not being cool.

Meanwhile, there have been odd mentions of a "new physical therapist" that Lady Drumstick set up for Luke. Wait -- what happened to the old one? Bert, we hardly knew ye!

2:30PM EDT: Hey -- there's a sequel to my favorite Stanley Steamer commercial where the dog drags its bum on the carpet and the woman screams at him! This one's not as funny.

And a Toaster Strudel commercial. Oh, how could you?! After all the pain you've caused?!!

2:25PM EDT: Lily and Dusty are gabbing in a booth over tea and Dusty tells Lily that she shouldn't drive. What exactly did he put in her tea? Lily says that she's not going to let Holden tell her who her friends are and my Ironic Character Appearance Sensors are Tingling...

Cue Lady Drumstick! Yes, Lily's mother-in-whatever shows up and tells Dusty that his "tea and sympathy routine" isn't needed and that he should back off. Church, Nana!

Meanwhile, after Holden yells at Little Miss for blaring her music (let me guess: The Smiths? The Cure?), Luke confronts Holden and won't eat his fries. Holden lays out to Luke exactly why it is that he is mad at his mom ... while Lily happens to be standing in the room! Okay, now, I could see how this might happen if Holden were facing AWAY from the insanely loud squeaky old farmhouse screen door, but come on -- he was looking right at it!

2:17PM EDT: There is a whoooole lotta RoseAnne HecheKowski/Ice Truck Killer/Vitalis Man drama today, none of which I'm up to speed on or could really be bothered by.

Little Miss tells Luke about how Holden is mad at Lily for siding with Dusty over the whole dead hooker thing and that their folks are splitting up. Luke is understandably bummed by this.

Back to Holden and Lily, who are arguing in front of a cooler full of lime JELL-O and iced cupcakes. Mmmm ... cupcakes ... Holden says that they can't fight in front of Luke and Lily remarks, "Fighting seems to be the only way we can communicate these days." Uh, you're telling me!

Holden leaves to take Luke his heart attack Happy Meal and Dusty LITERALLY manifests out of the JELL-O display -- I'm not kidding, he wasn't shown as so much as being in the district before now, and suddenly he's hugging Lily just in time for Holden to look back and see them clinging together like marmosets by the chilled desserts. HOT!

2:05PM EDT: Holden is ordering a guaranteed artery-buster from The Diner That Isn't Henry's and gets into a fight with Lily the instant she walks in.

We cut back to The Farm, where Luke, back in his long-sleeved-t-shirt uniform but with an added wheelchair, and his adoptive baby sis Little Miss Thundercloud are chatting about their parents. Luke has picked up on the fact that his being at The Farm rather than At Home is a hint that there's something amiss between his parents.

I don't know what they had him on in that hospital that made him unable to hear his parents fighting like alleycats three feet from his bed morning, noon and night ... but I'll have what he's having.