Liveblogging As the World Turns: Three's a Crowd edition

When we last left Oakdale's Alpha Gay Teen Couple, Noah's dad Captain Pervy was finally learning that lecherous peepingtomism has its drawbacks as he walked in on a newly-reunited Nuke macking in the production office like all good interns should. Will he flip his wig? Will Dusty succumb to the otherworldly bosom of Noah's dead hooker mom? And will Maddie get through the lunch rush with her sanity intact?

The answers to these questions and more after the break ... (click on through and refresh for up-to-the-minute updates!)

And away we go...

2:56 PM EDT: Preview Time! Um ... nothing. No hint of the white hot spoilers that we heard about this week, but rest assured that some awesome developments are on their way, as well as some new scenery for Captin Pervy to leave his teeth-marks in. At this point we've got two out and proud teens and a support network who wants them to be together and happy ... and a confirmed murderer who thinks Luke is the Antichrist. What could possibly go wrong?!

We'll be back next week for more fun.

2:50 PM EDT: Captain Pervy is telling Noah that everything he's ever done he did for Noah and that he's not going to lose him, then swigs down more booze. He says he'll be there for Noah and then goes to cancel his travel arrangements. Noah actually seems happy to hear that Pervs is canceling his trip to stick around. He calls Luke and tells him it's the closest he's felt to his dad since forever ... what, since the last time he was drunk in front of him, maybe? Meanwhile, Luke looks like he's still working on the same piece of fried fish that's been sitting there for three scenes.

Noah tells Luke he doesn't want to lose him either, which Pervy pops out of the lobby ficus just in time to hear. HOT! Seriously, Hamlet's father has NOTHING on this guy.

2:43 PM EDT: QOL and MP2.0 decide they have to tell the kids about her brain thingy. Is it just me, or does she look a hell of a lot better now that her days are numbered?

Maddie and Luke are in the diner being all BFF and apologizing to one another over and over. Maddie references their Invisible Girl project as a metaphor for how they both felt and Luke sasses back, "A, I'm not invisible and I'm not a girl, and B, you're not invisible!" It's great to see Luke actually happy and excited about his romantic life for once, but he better work on his "Yo Mommas".

Maddie hopes that things go well with Luke and Noah but her Spidey Senses are tingling regarding Captain Pervy. Wow, really? She's a regular Overbearing Homophobic Murderous Pervert Whisperer.

Noah tells Pervs that he shouldn't be surprised at what he saw today, and Pervs tells him he lied to him about he and Maddie being a couple. He asks what else in their life was a lie, and Noah responds, "The idea that there was something wrong with me." Snap!

Noah continues, "It's not your fault I'm gay. It's nobody's fault. And guess what? I'm happy with who I am, finally, for the first time in my life." Two snaps! Noah asks his dad not to reject him, but the ominous music is doing it for him...

2:32 PM EDT: QOL and MP2.0 are having a heart-to-heart. The Child Actor Formerly Known as Pre-Curse --

Oh! Captain Pervy is getting drunk alone and having flashbacks from better days, back when he used to scream at Noah's hooker mom and kick her out of the house. ("Memmmmmmmorieeees...") Noah appears alone behind him.

Meanwhile, Ghost Dusty tells aforementioned hooker mom that he's not going with her after all. She tells him he has no choice, but he counters by showing her his contract, which clearly stipulates that his character sticks around a while. He wakes up in the junkyard and stumbles away.

2:21 PM EDT: Maddie tries to comfort Noah, who says that nothing could be worse than what his dad just saw. (I beg to differ ... has he seen Because I Said So?) She heads out and Luke says, "well, I guess you must be sorry you ever met me." Noah is quick to correct him.

"We kissed each other, Luke. And I don't regret that. That was the best thing to happen to me in a long time."

Outside, Captain Pervy jumps out of a ficus at Maddie (he's got that move down!) and demands an apology. For what, the lunch he had at the diner?! Maddie in turns demands an apology from him for his behavior. "Noah is my son -- I need to know, I need to know what happened. What made my son turn? It was that Luke boy, wasn't it?"

Yes, and he would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids! At this point I get the feeling that Captain Pervy is going to rip his mask off and reveal he's Farmer Turner like an old Scooby Doo villain.

Noah decides to confront his father alone. Maddie is telling Pervs that he needs to accept Noah or he'll lose him. Pervs ominously pledges that he will not lose his son...

2:14 PM EDT: Hmm. Pre-Curse Edward Furlong doesn't look as much as Edward Furlong when he's not, like, kidnapped and stuff. Guess I have to come up with a --

Ooh!

The Former Oakdale Gay Teen Triangle faces off against the insidious Captain Pervy, who is smack in the middle of a total homophobic meltdown. "You're a coward! You're a liar! You're a ... a ..."

Luke tries to argue and Pervs screams at him. He tells Noah he's not his son, not anymore.

Ghost Dusty walks off arm-in-arm with the ghost of Noah's dead hooker mom...

2:06 PM EDT: Matthew Perry 2.0 gets a call from a doctor, which makes me beyond excited because that doubtless means more Quaker Oats Lady today. Score! And Pre-Curse Edward Furlong is back, too. I haven't seen him since he watched his mom drown in breakfast cereal!

This is gonna be good...

2:02 PM EDT: In medias res....

"Dad -- I thought you were out of town!"

"Oh, I wish I was ... I'd give anything not to see what I just did."

Was it just the lighting, or does Luke have a milk moustache?

Captain Pervy freaks on Noah, just as Maddie comes in. "You're lying to me! All of you! And it's going to stop ... right now."

Dun-dun-duuuuunnnnnnn!