Liveblogging "As the World Turns: Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!

Yes, today brings us the next batshit chapter of the increasingly entertaining saga of Oakdale's newest residents, Zee Twins. After an unsuccessful attempt to contact the dead, seduce Noah and make a smoothie at Luke's house, zee dynamic duo kick things up a notch by kidnaping poor, sweet, minimum-wage-earning Noah (plus tips and free day-old biscotti!). Will Luke be able to find his laddie love before either Zac or Zoe give him some sort of "social disease"?

To find out how this mess can get even messier ... as it happens! ... follow along below, refreshing for breaking updates. 

Anyone know how to tie a Palomar knot?

2:01 PM EDT: If you're wondering where Brian is today, turns out As The World Turns is being pre-empted in New York. Doesn't the Manhattan CBS affiliate realize that Noah Mayer gets tied up today? I mean, what could be more important than that?

But before we get to the good stuff we've got scenes with Henry and Blonde Obstacle at the diner and Austin from Days and Vienna being all domestic. What, are these couples swapping partners?  In which case, I think Blonde Obstacle (Katie) might be getting the short end of the Pepperkaker!

2:05 PM EDT:  Yay! The show begins in earnest. We're at the Lilypad and Luke is giving Mama Lily hell for believing anything Damian has to say. When Damian shows up Luke gets all head bobbing and finger waving and "Oh No You Di'nt!"and storms off to Oakdale Alley.

One half of the goth wonder twins, Zoey - shows up and asks about Noah. Luke says he hasn't spoken to him lately. What, has the boy already been kidnapped or something?

2:10 PM EDT:  More Damian and Lily drama back at the Lilypad. He says the Grimaldi ring they found at the office might actually be Luke's.  Either that, or from Kay Jewelers'. 

Damian thinks it might mean Luke was trying to frame him.

2:13 PM EDT: Okay, Vienna just popped the top of her pink Juicy Couture pantsuit and asked Austin from Days to rub homemade Vicks Vapo-Rub on her bosom.  Wasn't prepared for that.

Right on cue, in walks Katie and Henry. 

2:15 PM EDT: Cut to ad for yoghurt that makes you poop. You tell 'em Jamie Lee Curtis!

2:19 PM EDT: Back to Vienna's vapo-braised busoms. Katie storms out, and Henry wants an explanation.

2:21 PM EDT: Luke and Zoey are still milling about Oakdale Alley when he gets a cell phone call from Noah. Noah claims he's in Lisbon but the camera won't pull back from his face - so he might be stuffed in a shoebox somewhere for all we know. Actually the shoe box is looking increasingly likely because he's being all weird and evasive. He hangs up and somehow Luke finds a way to blame Noah's vamoosing on Damian. Atta boy Luke! Way to be consistent with your misplaced outrage.

2:26 PM EDT: Back at Vienna and Henry's apartment. Vienna slips on a puddle of homemade Vicks Vapo-Rub. Whoops! She goes ass over Juicy Couture. Will this endanger the baby?

2:29 PM EDT: Back at the Lilypad. Damian is telling Lily how much like himself Luke is. "Don't you see my temper in him?" Lily's all: "My son is nothing like you, etc. etc." And right on cue Luke storms in and starts screaming in Damian's face - Say it, don't spray it, Luke! We want the news, not the weather.

2:31 PM EDT: Vienna looks all right (other than the green goop on her boobs), but Henry takes her to the hospital anyway. Katie and Brad follow quickly after.

2:35 PM EDT: More outraged spittle from Luke. Come on buddy, dial it down a bit. He storms out.

2:42 PM EDT: More Damian and Lily stuff. Geez, Holden is crazy to leave those two alone together. Damian says he's headed back to Malta to check with his jeweler about Grimaldi rings. Just remember, the Diamond Council recommends one months salary!  After that, he's heading to Lisbon to find Noah. [Insert Damian/Noah in Lisbon slashfic here]

2:44 PM EDT: Luke and Zoey having lunch at the diner. Zoey needs to lighten up on the eyeliner. At least Luke has calmed down enough to carry on a normal conversation. Lily calls him on his cell and tells him Damian's heading back to Malta. She keeps to herselt the bit about going to Lisbon to find Noah.

2:49 PM EDT: Cut to an abandoned warehouse. Zoey rolls in to gloat with Zac about their evil schemes. They're thrilled that Luke thinks Noah is Lisbon and that Damian has gone back to Malta! Zac smiles and yells offscreen: "You hear that monster? We're free & clear!"

Cut to Noah tied to a pole in the next room "You leave Luke alone. You leave him alooooone!" Only the way Noah says it he sounds like the Elephant Man: "I am not an animal. I am a maaan! 

This sh#* is getting good!

2:54 PM EDT: More Katie, Brad, Vienna, Henry crap. Oh, just pop the baby and fight over it already. How much you wanna bet Katie gets preggers herself?

2:57 PM EDT:  Zac and Zoey taunting a tied up Noah. Uh, maybe Zoey can step outside for a moment so this can get interesting? No dice. Zac just strokes Noah's cheek and refuses to explain what evil plans they have in store for Luke.

PREVIEWS: I'm not seeing any Nuke. Anybody know when the guys are on again?