Liveblogging "As the World Turns": This house ain't big enough for the three of us

Yes, it looks like we're finally moving towards some resolution on this whole sham marriage fiasco that has kept the boys apart for the last several months. But of course, being soapland, it's not going to come too easily...

Today Luke moves into the Love Shack, but with Ameera lurking in doorways, he can't relax. But what will be the straw to break the gay teenager's back ... will Ameera use his hot iron without permission? Will she drink milk right out of the carton? Or will she ... I don't know, try to make out with his boyfriend? Again? We're not sure, but we hope Cosmic Cow is somehow involved.

How will things play out for the most improbable love triangle in gay television history? Click on through and refresh often to find out!

"Monroooooooe!!"

2:55PM EDT: Luke certainly got heated at Noah there, didn't he? Wait until he finds out that Noah's been trolling the Upper East Side for underage trust fund kids!

And yes, I've been ignoring the fact that Quaker Oats Lady is clearly falling for Holden. See, I actually like both of them and if they wind up in the same storyline, it'll be putting all my eggs in one basket. 

Ameera asks if Luke left because of her, and she offers to leave. Noah says it's not her, it's the charade, and he goes outside for some air. Ameera moves her delicates back into the dresser in the bedroom.

Holden finds Luke on the wicker setee on the Pity Me Ranch porch, and Luke tells him the whole threesome idea lasted about three minutes. He says that if it's going to work, Noah has to come to him. 

Preview Time! No Nuke, but lots of Butters and Hotprechaun. See ya next week! 

2:45PM EDT: Noah's all, "settle down, boyfriend!" and Luke is all, "I'm tired of never being alone with you." He grabs his stuff and storms out, quipping to Ameera on the way out that she can have her bed back.

Noah tries to stop him, but Luke barks, "I'm sick of waiting!" Until they can be alone, he's done with the situation. He leaves.

2:38PM EDT: Austin From Days tells Matthew Perry 2.0 that he's not interested in his "super-sensitive Katie RADAR." It sounds much dirtier than he likely intended. 

Is Sophie getting all Single White Female with this new Diet Meg look? 

2:36PM EDT: Okay, back-to-back feverdream commercials. Who makes these Optimum Triple Play ads? This new one looks like a lost musical number from Desperate Housewives, and Brett from Most Smartest Model shows up as the hunky gardener! Oh, and Dr. Phil has a show today about a man who makes a "shocking transformation from macho cop to woman!!" I'm going to make a shocking transformation from this channel to another one.

Meanwhile, Luke and Noah are sitting on the bed (they're not jumping on it, at least) and Luke goes to kiss Noah, then pulls back because he heard something. He thinks Ameera is listening at the door. They go to kiss again and he pulls back again (sigh...) and when he sees Ameera's shadow through he curtains on the door he gets huffy and bolts.

Well that was sure quick! 

2:27PM EDT: Luke tells Noah that his dad told him that moving in with them would be an emotional timebomb and he may have been right. Noah closes the paper-thin French doors and says suggestively to Luke, "let's get you unpacked."  There's probably a euphemism in there somewhere but after that toilet paper commercial my senses have been dulled.

Oh -- it looks like Sophie is the one who borrowed Luke's hot iron! 

2:22PM EDT: Okay, there's a Cottonelle ad that consists entirely of a puppy running around looking at people's butts and commenting on them, accompanied by the slogan, "The world can be tough on bottoms." Not that there's anything funny about that. 

2:18PM EDT: Luke and Holden are still talking. Luke's saying that he feels like he's found "the one" and now he feels like it's all slipping through his fingers. He says that Holden and Lily always survive everything (nudge nudge) and he wants to be like them. Eventually Holden backs off and Luke runs off to Chez Sham.

Luke shows up and Ameera is alone, and when he goes to set up gay camp in the living room she insists that he move into the bedroom, stressing that Noah wants him there and that she is the guest. 

Meanwhile, Holden runs into Quaker Oats Lady at Oakdale's most depressing strip mall (at least they have a Curves for Women!). He points out that she shouldn't use the brand of detergent that she bought and she thanks him, saying that "the last thing I want to do is poison my kids". She almost sounds like she means it. Wait, was that a dig at the soap companies? I hope she stalked up on arthritis medicine and yogurt that helps you poop.

Back at Chez Sham, Luke tells Meer that he knows that she had feelings for Noah, and she assures him that it's no big deal. Noah shows up with two bags of groceries and says they're all for Luke (it's all junk food). Ameera pulls her best Oliver Twist look in the corner.  

2:05PM EDT: We kick off with Parker and Quaker Oats Lady. QOL is concerned that Parker doesn't get to have a "normal" childhood, and Parker replies that lots of kids "have messed up parents". Way to let her down easy, kid.

Meanwhile, Holden is still trying to get a hold of Lily by phone (why do I have the feeling he calls in to a lot of radio contests?) when Luke comes downstairs with a duffel bag, and he mentions casually that he's moving in with his boyfriend and his sham wife. Holden says he doesn't think that's too good of an idea and Luke assures him that he'll be back to help out a lot. That wasn't what Holden meant. 

Luke says that he'll be the "gay roommate" and says it's all "very Will & Grace". Holden doesn't like the whole fake marriage thing ... wait, wasn't he all about throwing rice in his backyard for this whole sham just a few months ago? Fickle pickle.

Meanwhile, Austin From Days and Blonde Obstacle wake up and start in on a little hows-your-father, and then BO remembers that AFD's possible illegitimate child is there ... IN THE SAME ROOM! Um ... yuck. How's your father, indeed! 

1:58PM EDT: Hey, what's up with this white-hot bloody heart transplant on Bold and the Botoxed?! AWESOME! I've said it before and I'll say it again: Daytime television needs more graphic organ replacements. 

Since we're on the subject, does anyone know around when daytime dramas became the vehicle of choice of pharmaceutical companies, rather than detergents? Shouldn't we be calling them "fibromyalgia treatment operas" by this point?