Liveblogging As the World Turns: Visiting Hours are Over Edition

It's entirely appropriate that the delicious drama surrounding Captain Pervy's attempts to bump off Luke is playing out in the weeks leading up to Halloween ... because if yesterday's preview for today's episode is any indication, the next chapter in the whole mess will be taking a few pages from some classic horror movies where murderers who miss the mark the first time stalk their victims in hospitals.

Remember Visiting Hours, where a hospital-bound, muffin-top-coiffed Lee Grant was terrorized by Michael Ironside? Or The Omen, when Mrs. Blaylock came a-calling to finish the job on Lee Remick that her evil son started? And who can forget Jamie Lee's medical misadventures in Halloween II...

Anyway, Luke, just a small bit of advice that if you wake from your surgery to this sight...

... get your gay teen self the hell outta dodge.

When we last left Oakdale's Alpha Gay Teen Couple, Luke had been felled by an errant Strawberry Toaster Strudel and Noah was about to get some serious science dropped on him from Detective Clarice Starling regarding his evil father Captain Pervy, who is still on the loose.

To see where things pick up, click on through the break and refresh often for breaking updates!

And away we go...

2:59PM EDT: Preview Time!

Doctor Not-As-Dashing tells Lily and Holden that Luke might never walk again!

Noah drinks out of a bottle in a paper bag like a boxcar-riding hobo!

Luke, looking dejected, asks someone, "have you heard from Noah?"

Holden blames Lily for Luke's potential-yet-entirely-unlikely paralysis!

We'll be back tomorrow to pick up where this hotness left off!

2:55PM EDT: Okay, Henry just appeared after being missing for how long, and i swear it was just so he could say "Katie, Katie, married lady!" And you know, this production still from The Omen reminds me what healthcare is missing these days: nurses in paper hats.

Noah is sitting outside the police station processing all the "dead hooker mom, murderous nutjob dad" thing and Dusty comes out and is oddly comforting to him, and asks him if he needs a place to go (Insert Noah/Dusty slashfic HERE). Noah says he has nowhere, and Dusty asks if maybe someone needs to see him...

Noah approaches Luke's room and looks through the window to see Dr. Not-As-Dashing asking Luke if he can wiggle his piggies as Lily and Holden look on. Luke can't, asking, "aren't they moving?!" He can't feel his legs and the knowledge snaps him out of his drug-addled stupor into real panic.

Noah, realizing the gravity of what his father has done, backs away from the door, terrified. Either that or he realizes that his new boyfriend might not be able to do much below the belt and goes back to look for Dusty...

2:48PM EDT: Lily tells Holden that Dusty stopped Pervs from re-killing Luke. Dusty knows where he's not welcome and he hits the road. Luke is awake and Lily and Holden come in to talk to him. Luke asks why he's in a hospital and they ask him what he remembers. Luke says, "I remember ... the Alamo ..."

No, he remembers the fishing trip and asks if Noah is okay. They tell him that no, he's not.

Back at Clarice's office, they bring in Captain Pervy and he's face-to-face with newly-empowered Noah. Noah throws down and Pervs tries his old bullying tactics, but Noah won't have it. Pervs falls apart.

Luke is having a real hard time understanding why Pervs would tell him that he's okay with him and Noah being together and then be so mean to him, and Holden explains that sometimes grown-ups lie in order to get hot gay teens alone in the woods and shoot them.

Pervs tries to explain to Noah that he killed his mom to keep her hookery hands off him. Noah counters, why try to kill Luke for doing nothing but loving him? Noah has had it and he heads out. Clarice chirps "Book him!" and Dusty says, "You've lost your son, and nothing's worse than that." Ooooooh snap! Color Pervs officially served.

Luke is telling his parents that he has to find Noah and his parents tell him to rest. Luke says they're probably right and mentions offhand that he can't really feel his legs. Lily's Mom of the Year sensors tingle and she runs out to get a doctor...

2:36PM EDT: Matthew Perry 2.0 just got kicked out by his other non-dying wife. Ouch!

Dr. Dashing: "It's not a tumor!"

QOL: "It's not a tumor?"

Dr. Dashing: "It's not a tumor!"

Dusty wrestles with Captain Pervy while Luke lies there looking adorably unconscious. Lily brings in a cop, who takes Pervs away. Dr. Not-As-Dashing comes in and tells them that the syringe that Pervs was holding contained a sedative that could have slowed Luke's breathing and maybe, like, kind of killed him. Lily hugs Dusty in a moment of weakness and Holden comes around the corner just in time to see it and he looks P-I-S-S-E-D. It's like a Three's Company "misunderstanding" that got lost on the way to the sitcom set.

2:26PM EDT: Lily says they should go back to the hospital and Holden is all, "don't cramp my style, hooker-lady!" He says they need to be united for Luke but that's where it ends.

Pervs is hovering over Luke with a syringe, and Luke wakes up! Pervs stammers ... "Luke ... Luke ..."

Back at the police station, Clarice drops the science on Noah that his mom is a dead hooker and that his father killed her. BUMMER!

Luke stammers, "Colonel Mayer..." and Pervs says, "it's alright son, go back to sleep" and goes to inject something into his IV...

When Lily bursts in! She lunges for the needle and Pervs turns it on her, snarling, "You're making me do this!"...

Suddenly, Dusty bursts through the door and tackles him!

2:19PM EDT: Meanwhile, QOL is still praying/whining and she gets a call from her doctor, who is considerably cuter than Luke's so I'd be much more apt to listen to him. He says he has something to tell her, and we know from the previews that he was wrong about her whole "20 minutes to live" thing. Okay, I never said he was a good doctor, I just said I'd listen to him. She says she doesn't feel well enough to come to the hospital so he says he'll come over to her house. Funny, I'm feeling a tummyache coming on...

2:15PM EDT: Captain Pervy stands over Luke's motionless yet lithe body, and looks around for something to kill him with. He starts to fiddle with Luke's IV ... and a dutiful nurse enters! She asks "Are you family?" and he replies "Practically." Heh ... was that ATWT HoYay?

He says he'll wait for Lily and Holden to get back and starts messing with syringes on a cart outside Luke's room. No, Pervs -- that's not a minibar.

Meanwhile, Holden and Lily are in one of the town's two diners mending fences. Don't order the fish sticks, kids -- didn't work out for Luke.

2:08PM EDT: The first shot of the episode is a birds-eye view of an unconscious Luke laid out like a Christmas goose in his hospital bed with generic tubes and machines and family members around him. HOT!

The doctor says The Surgery went well but there's Swelling that's putting Pressure on his spine. Wow -- that was one hell of a Toaster Strudel. Lily and Holden manage to get snitty with one another the minute they leave the room. Holden is thinking: "I can't believe she's such a bad mom". Lily's thinking: "Things were so much easier when I just had to pretend to be a prostitute to solve murders."

Meanwhile, the Quaker Oats Lady has turned to God to save her ... you know, not for HER sake, but for her ex-husband's. Riiiiight...

Noah has been whisked away to Detective Clarice Starling's office and is shown a picture of his dead hooker mom (he doesn't know it's his mom), and he can't figure out who she is or why he's being show her photo.

Back in Luke's room, Lily comes in and kisses him on the forehead. I can't say for sure but I swear she looks in the folds of his bedsheets for stray painkillers.

She leaves and -- GASP -- Captain Pervy's Legs round the corner and enter the room! He stands over Luke's adorable checked-out face and leers! And it looks like he got a haircut! Kinda suits him, actually...

Fade to opening titles...