Liveblogging "As the World Turns": Weeotchboard

Okay, so apparently the writers at As the World Turns have taken Dennis Quaid hostage and are forcing him to jump into my dreams and spy on my innermost thoughts, because today's episode has just about everything I love in it: Evil twins, Ouija boards, shirtless Noah and blackouts.

To find out what any of these things has to do with the increasingly surreal goings-on in Oakdale, follow along below, refreshing often for breaking updates.

Today's liveblog is being ghost-written by Captain Howdy. 

2:06PM EDT: Did I really just laugh at a commercial for Rules of Engagement? I really am losing it...

La plume de ma tante!!

We start off at a NYC hotel that looks suspiciously similar to the one in Oakdale, where ... eh, where Craig is escorting a visibly drunk Quaker Oats Lady into her room and pouring her more champagne. Okay, I saw this scene last week only it was in Observe and Report and the actors were about half this age.

Lily is in the office and she hears someone in the hall...

Back at the Lily Pad, Luke and Noah have picked out a movie to watch (Noah: "Not Mamma Mia again...") and they start to make out on the couch when the doorbell rings.

Of course, it's the ZZ Twins, there to "save them from their boring selves". Back at the office, Lily opens her door with a knife and it's Damian, who quips that he'd rather not get stabbed again. Ba-dum-bum. 

Craig and Oats Lady are getting hot and heavy when Parker shows up to dampen the mood. THANK YOU PARKER. You just saved me months of therapy.

2:18PM EDT: You know, the sad thing is, I wouldn't be surprised in the least if I ran into Jamie Lee Curtis in the grocery store handing out samples of yogurt that helps you poop. Isn't it kind of inevitable at this point?

Parker/Drunk mom/Evil benefactor blah blah... and Liberty is off at some "glamorous New York party"? Suddenly we hear Liberty laugh loudly outside and we see her escorted in wearing a Statue of Liberty foam crown. Must have been one glaaaaamorous party!

She gushes about how fancy the party was and how she saw Sarah Jessica Parker eating at a restaurant.

Back at the Pad, ZZ won't leave the boys alone, and they promise that they're not the "Axis of Z-vil". On cue, Zac pulls out a bottle of absinthe (WTF?!) and tries to get them to drink it. Both Zac and Zoe swig the absinthe and Noah tries to get them to leave, and Zac says that he'd like to see more of Noah and says it's time for "Plan Z". Good God, these two are like goth Smurfs.

Zoe pulls out a Ouija board (yess!) and Zac says that she can contact the dead. They want to use the board to find out what's going on in Oakdale. Why do I get the feeling that this is the same way the writers came up with this storyline? ZING! 

Back at the office, Lily roots through the filing cabinet again and finds a silver ring, and hisses, "DAMIAAAAAAN!"

Luke and Zoe try the Ouija board and it immediately spells out "HE IS GAY". Haha, Luke! That subtle Snyder sense of humor. Zoe decides to ask the spirits with who they would like to speak, and the board says "LG". They don't think there's an LG but then Luke reveals that his birthname is Luciano Grimaldi.

Zac runs off to throw up, and Zoe goes to the kitchen to make a smoothie for him. Uh ... okay?

Once they're gone Luke and Noah are discussing whether they should make them leave when suddenly, the lights go out, and there's a SCREAM!   

2:27PM EDT: In an apparent attempt to balance all the young people and their wacky antics, we cut to the Malteaser sitting at the bar shooting the shit with Lisa. SCREEEEEEECH.

When I wake up a few minutes later, Lisa is telling Damian that he's meant to be with Lily and leaves.

Back at the darkened Pad, Luke and Noah realize that the lights on the rest of the block are on, and Zoe comes back from the kitchen and says that she blew a fuse when she plugged in the blender. She realizes that Zac is missing and starts screaming for him, telling Noah that he's afraid of the dark.

Upstairs, meanwhile, Zac is rooting through drawers with a flashlight ... Noah goes to look for him.

Zoe asks Luke if he doesn't want to talk to the Grimaldi ghosts and he says mmmmmmmnotsomuch.

Lily confronts Damian with the Grimaldi ring, and he proves it isn't his.

And a shirtless Zac ambushes Noah upstairs, calling him "Monster" and telling him that he has been waiting for him in the dark! Noah actually looks interested...

And Parker tells his mom that she's a smelly drunk. Okay, am I actually seeing all this or did I have some bad chicken for lunch that's making me hallucinate?

2:31PM EDT: Seriously, is this not the best Halloween episode that wasn't? Or have the writers been watching Dante's Cove for inspiration?! 

2:37PM EDT: Jack Daniels Oats Lady tries to go after Parker, who has gone after Liberty. Craig, we can assume, stays behind to watch porn on pay-per-view.

Liberty says that working in New York is scary, but she has to do it, because she has to take chances or she saw it on The Hills or something. 

Wow, Zac's hiding quite the torso under that bad Hot Topic wardrobe! He tries to seduce Noah, but boyfriend's not biting. The lights come back on, and Noah makes an exit. Okay, looks like the shirtlessness today is Zac's thing, not Noah's ... but I'm not complainin'! Meanwhile, Damian tries to convince Lily that he's being framed by someone else who's after the Foundation. 

Whoop, Bride of Cuervo is back at the bottle again, but Craig drags her away from the mini-bar and throws her into the other room, threatening to "sober her up". Good luck with that! 

2:45PM EDT: Downstairs at the Pad, Zoe hits on Luke again and when he shoots her down she's all, "I'm just kidding!" and he's like, "uh, you're not." Zac and Noah come back and Zac tells Luke that in case he was wondering, Noah won't cheat on him. The Twins leave and Luke laughs at all the weirdness, but Noah says it's not funny.

Lily tells the Malteaser that Noah remembered part of the username that the hacker used to try to get into the bank accounts (uh, really? Since when?), and that it started with PESC1 ... OMG, it's totally Joe Pesci!! I guess those residuals from Casino ain't butterin' his bread on both sides.

Aw, did we miss a scene where Craig held the St. Pauli Girl under a cold shower to sober her ass up? Looks like we did. Phooey. 

2:54PM EDT: Noah asks Luke if he thinks it's strange that they picked out which of them they were going to hit on ahead of time, and Luke defends them, kind of. Lily and Damian come in and show them the Grimaldi ring, and tell the boys that they think there's another Grimaldi in town who's trying to mess with them.

Damian leaves and Luke's all "you did NOT just bring my biopapa back here" and they discuss the ring some more, until Noah says that he has to go study. He quips, "Ciao, Luciano!" and leaves. That proves it - NOAH IS THE MISSING GRIMALDI! Or ... not. My money's still on Cafe Vienna's unborn baby. Did you see how small that ring was?!

Noah ambushes Damian at the hotel and tells him that he believes him, and that he wants to help him catch the baddies. They talk about the username, and they wonder if the 1 is standing in for an "I", meaning it would be Pisces, the sign of the Zodiac. Hmmm, nothing familiar there. Damian thanks Noah for believing in him. 

Luke complains to Lily that he and Noah are on opposite sides again and she's all, "drop the drama, kid". Luke insists that they're not all on the same side.

Noah runs into the Blunder Twins outside finishing the bottle of absinthe. He notices that the twins are wearing Pisces necklaces and in his infinite wisdom tells them that he thinks that the username of the hacker might have been Italian for Pisces. The Twins laugh and are like, "you have no idea how dumb you are".  Um ... what they said!

Preview Time!: No Nuke, but we'll be back later in the week to see how things play out!