Liveblogging "As the World Turns": Welcome Back, Wheatley

That's right, everyone's favorite handsy peepaw is back today, when Brian "Wheatables" Wheatley returns to Oakdale to tie up some loose ends with the Luke Snyder Foundation for Kids Who Can't Read Good and hopefully mend fences with Lady Drumstick, Luke and Noah.

Will the reunion be all sunshine and lollipops? Follow along below (refresh often for updates) to find out ... as it happens!

Y'all ready for some Larry Lau lovin'?

2:00PM EDT: Okay, I don't watch The Bold and the Botoxed but I do know a few of the characters from The Soup, and RRRRRRRRRRICK! just got the you-know-what slapped out of his mouth by someone's meemaw. Twice.  HOT!

2:09PM EDT: We kick off with General Foods International Coffees Cafe Vienna checking her ovulation temperature. Turkey's done! Meanwhile Austin from Days and The Blonde Obstacle are playing gin to keep their minds off the baby-making. Funny, because gin usually leads to baby-making. They have some food-based sexual innuendo talk (copycats!) and when Cafe Vienna calls them to announce "I've dropped an egg!" Austin of course gets the wrong idea and tells her not to wipe it up or she'll make a mess. Har har.

Meanwhile, Henry is having a nightmare about Cafe Vienna's birth while drinking a martini. Vienna wants to launch the little pepperkakor directly into Henry's hands, but when she finally pushes it out, Austin pops out from between her legs and Henry screams like a woman.  

Oh thank God the gays. All this ovary talk was making me a bit uncomfortable. The boys discuss Mark's arrest and Luke wonders why he still feels like crap even though they did the right thing. Um ... because you're a Snyder, so the feeling is unfamiliar? ZING!

Meanwhile, Gilded Lily and Lady Drumstick get a call that Lady D and Luke are supposed to have a meeting with the Starrbooty Foundation or some crap. Lady D says she's not going to the meeting because she's too sick to leave the house. 

2:20PM EDT: Babymama drama ... although Austin turns down the porno mags from the nurse, which sets the mind going in all sorts of bad places. On his way to discharge his little soldiers he quips, "let's go out to sea ... men!"

Luke and Noah continue to talk in Olde Towne, with Noah suggesting that Luke go back to school. Luke's like, mmmmnothanks. The two have a slightly awkward exchange and Luke heads home, with Noah watching after him.  

Back at the Lily Pad, Lady Drumstick says she misses Wheatables. He treated her like "the cat's meow". Awww. Luke comes in and when they tell him that he needs to go to the Foundation meeting (Starrbooty is the Luke Snyder Foundation for Kids Who Can't Read Good) and a rather bitchy Luke is all, "I no wanna!" and they're all, "but it's your foundation" and he's all, "well I don't want it anway!" and Lily finally just goes in his place. After she's gone Lady D asks him why he's such a spoiled brat. CHURRCH!

Over at Ojai Foods Starrbooty Headquarters, Lily meets up with Noah, whom she's called in as backup. He wore a tie for the occasion, awwww. As he and Lily discuss how lucky Luke is to have him, Brian "Wheatables" Wheatley emerges from behind a ficus and they both freeze. Ooooooh snap!

Meanwhile, back at the hospital Austin calls Blonde Obstacle over to help him ... um ... rally the troops? And okay, am I the only one who for a second thought he was calling Henry over instead? Yeah? K, never mind.

2:29PM EDT: Henry comes over to see if Austin needs any help, and Blonde Obstacle tells him to go away, that this is hard enough as it is. I'll give you three guesses as to what Henry replies, and the first two don't count. He laughs at Austin's failures as a man and leaves, and Blonde Obstacle eventually caves and goes in to lend her hubby a hand.

Back at the pad, Luke and Lady D argue about who's the bigger bitch, and Luke admits that he started the Foundation to piss off his dad. She's all "congrats, now what?" and he admits he's just an idiot who got kicked out of school for rigging an election. She gives him a "carpe diem o captain my captain" pep-talk that he may actually be listening to.

Back at the Starrbooty meeting (okay, it's another Foundation that Luke's Foundation has been partnering with), Wheatables chats with Nuke and Lily, and we can tell by his hair that he's more relaxed and feeling better than when we last saw him. But Noah apparently isn't happy with the non-gelmeted Wheats, because he calls Luke and tells him to get his Grimaldis over to the meeting ASAP. When Luke shows up he reads the head of the Starbooty for rejecting the Snyder foundation's mission statement because it supports gay initiatives. He gets big ups from his family for standing up for himself. And, you know, showing up.

Back at the hospital there are some semen-related hijinx and we actually get a close-up of Austin's little swimmers on the floor. Niiiiiice. 

2:42PM EDT: They point out that Wheats is no longer a part of the Foundation but he says he agrees with everything that Luke said. Mr. Starrbooty is all, "Well then I'm gonna take my foundation and go home!" and he leaves. Once he's gone they all congratulate Wheats for standing up for Luke and gay stuff and Lily invites him back to the pad to visit Lady D.

Austin just called Henry "slippery Pete". Um ... awkward.

The Foundation gang comes back to the Lily Pad and Wheats comes in to say hello to Lady D. She's all, "girrrl, what are you doing here?" and invites him to sit. He explains to her that Luke stood up for the Foundation's gay causes and she asks if he's coming back to the Foundation, and Wheats says no, but Lily chirps in that she thinks she should take the job. Um .... sure? 

2:49PM EST: Luke says he'd love to have Lily as the administrator, but she says she'll only do it if Luke promises not to bitch out again. He says he won't, and our little gay has something to live for again. Oh happy day!

Noah and Luke head out and Wheats takes Lady D's hand (her other hand is holding a deck of cards ... is it wrong to wish it were a queen that was facing us?) and she's all, "what do you think you're doing?"

Luke tells Noah that his meemaw called him a spoiled brat and Noah actually agrees. Ha! And minutes after potentially being impregnated, Cafe Vienna is stuffing her face with cupcakes and naming the baby that isn't even hers, which Henry and the others find a teensy bit disconcerting. Helloooooo Octomom!

2:56PM EDT: Blonde Obstacle is all, "you can call the egg whatever you want, but once it's on the menu we get to name the omelet."

Noah and Luke have a sweet moment where Noah tells him he reminded him of the man he fell in love with. Oh, this is so cute! Is it just me or do the characters seem like they've reached a new plateau in terms of their connection? Noah invites Luke back to the dorm and Luke tells him not to expect to get any studying done, and they kiss.

Back at the pad, Wheats tells Lady D that he's got a good job back in Minneapolis but he's glad to see her and it felt right to hold her hand. He apologizes again for misleading her and she tells him she can be his friend. They agree to keep in touch. Very nice. 

Henry asks Austin if they can put an end to the sperm metaphors. Yes, please! They all put their hands on Cafe Vienna's belly and say they can feel something, and they say a prayer. Okay, straight people are officially CRAZY.

Preview Time! No Nuke, but things are promising to heat up again soon with a new storyline. Sweet!