Liveblogging "As the World Turns": What's up, dock?

Today Luke and Noah's screwball daddy issues take an interesting turn when it's discovered that Damian's continued presence in Oakdale isn't just tied to his gay son, but also has something to do with the shady dealings going on down at the docks.

Will the discovery of the enterprise punch a hole in the hull of the father/son reunion? Or will it at least give me the opportunity to make a few "docking" jokes?

To find out, follow along below, refreshing often for breaking updates!

"Howard? ... Howard ..." 

2:07PM EDT: We start off with Luke and Noah discussing the infant mortality rate and how the Foundation can help. See? WACKY! Noah accidentally comes up with the new slogan for the Luke Snyder Foundation for Kids Who Can't Read Good: "Save one life and you can save the world!" Only if she's a Teflon cheerleader.

Luke decides to start a camp for underpriveleged kids on a yacht (uh .... sure!) and Lily says that the Grimaldis happen to have a fleet of them, and who knows, one might even be outfitted with a ball pit!

Over at Worldwide, Holden and Lady Drumstick discuss how to get Damian out of Oakdale. Lady D says she told Damian to take a long walk off a short pier but he probably won't.

Lily, meanwhile, offers to ask Damian herself for the use of the boat, and Noah tells Luke that he hopes he gets to at least see him in a sailor suit. Awww! That's more like it. 

And Dusty and Loocy talk about Craig, and so do Bride of Cuervo and Matthew Perry 2.0. Popular guy, that Craig! 

2:19PM EDT: Craig Craig blah blah Craig my son blah.

Lily swoops into Damian's hotel room and tells him that Holden doesn't hate him or his ass face anymore, so she feels comfortable asking him for a yacht. He's all, "Luke wants to become a sailor?" She explains that they want to boat to take a bunch of sick children out to sea, so that they can get seasick and maybe sunburned, too. Damian loves the idea but says he can't do it. 

Lily's all, "how about just a tiny yacht?" and he's all, NOOOOOOO! Lily tells him that he should come up with something because Luke was just starting to like him again and if he can't have his sailing party with the dying kids it might end their new friendship. Dial it down, Princess!

Meanwhile, why are Noah, Holden and Damian all drinking coffee in their scenes?  

2:30PM EDT: Lady D says that she liked it better "when Luke hated Damian ... and Lily!" I think she meant Lily hating Damian, not Luke hating Lily. Lily appears on cue, like Beetlejuice with a blow-out, and tells them about the yacht thing. Over at Java (more coffee?!) Luke has just gotten word about the boat thing, and says he thought it was a big fleet, but whatever. Damian appears on cue (Biodad, Biodad, Biodad!) and tells Luke that he's sorry he can't borrow his boat but maybe he can come up with something else.

Meanwhile, Lady D wants to find out if there's something else behind Damian's refusal to help. Other than, you know, the idea of taking sick kids out on a boat being PATENTLY RIDICULOUS. And wait, which body of water exactly is this fleet on? Lake Michigan?

MP2.0 to Dusty at the door of his hotel room: "The desk told me you moved in here." Yes, and my coffee table told me that this is as much fun as watching varnish dry. Dusty tells Loocy that they should create evidence to implicate Craig.

2:40PM EDT: Damian asks Luke if he's ever heard of a dude ranch. Whoops, not that kind of dude ranch, fellas! Damian goes off to set up a dude ranch for sick kids who don't read good. Meanwhile, Lily convinces Holden to cool off on Damian, but when he calls Lady D to call her off it's too late - she's already down at the docks, undercover as a pirate hooker. Okay, I made that last part up, but she is on the docks and thinks something is afoot with the Grimaldi shipping company. Holden rushes down to stop her from doing anything stupid. 

Oh, and Bride of Cuervo, popping into Metro for breakfast, catches Dusty planting the fake ledger to frame Craig. 

2:49PM EDT: Bride of Cuervo isn't buying the fake ledger.

Back at the Lily Pad, Luke and Noah are planning on calling all the pediatricians in town to line up little dudes and dudettes for the dude ranch. Lily is excited about the news and tells Luke that she just hopes Lady D and Holden don't mess everything up. Oops! Did she just say that out loud? 

Down at the docks, Holden and the pirate wench are spying (badly) when a guy pops out of nowhere with a gun. Ahoy! 

2:56PM EDT: The thug sticks Holden and Lady D in a storage room and calls his boss to come down. At The Pad, Luke is a bit peeved that Lady D and Holden don't trust Damian. Back at the docks, Lady D tells the thug that she was just getting some air and that they didn't see anything.

And of course when the boss shows up, it's Damian. Surprised? Yeah, me neither.

Preview Time!: Damian threatens to have Holden arrested. We'll be back tomorrow for the exciting conclusion!