Liveblogging As the World Turns: Yes, Virginia, There Is a Nuke Episode This Week

After Grandma Emma's touching/lecherous open-armed welcome of Noah into the Snyder Sanitarium for Christmas week, we are at last back to see the boys sit around the kitchen/porch and talk about their physical relationship in abstracts as though they were trapped in some gay youth community center performance of a Beckett play.

So to sum things up, Emma invited Noah to join her insane brood of Alpha males for Christmas, but he's not allowed in Luke's room at any time. Which is fine, because neither is Luke, from what we've seen. Will Luke and Noah both end up sleeping on the kitchen table? Will Noah have to carve more Hubbard squash? And will the pepperkaker make a festive last-minute appearance?

Click through the jump and refresh often to find out as it happens! 

Just hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring-ting-tingling, too... 

2:58PM EDT: Holden walks in on Luke and Noah apparently kissing, which apparently is what we're going to have to settle for. Luke and Noah part to go to their separate wings and Noah turns and says, "Luke, yeah ... me too."

Alright, is it time to officially call bullsh*t on all this?

Preview Time! No preview, although we get a shot of the whole cast in their period costumes talking about tomorrow's sure-to-be-a-fever-dream episode, which transports them back to turn-of-the-20th-century Oakdale via a magical dollhouse. I. Am. So. There., but they're going to need more than a magical dollhouse to explain away this pussyfooting with Nuke... 

2:53PM EDT: Luke and Noah are standing under the mistletoe, THANK GOD ... because this "will they or won't they" was starting to feel like season one of the X-Files. Luke gives a very touching little monologue about how much he loves Noah and how much he means to him and how in love with him he is. Noah says "Luke, same here..." and they move in to kiss ....

And the camera moves up to the mistletoe!

Okay, this isn't cool. 

2:50PM EDT: I'm sorry, what?! There's a men's cologne called Daytona 500? What the hell does that smell like ... exhaust, hot dogs and sunblock?! 

2:48PM EDT: Ladyfriend Lawyer gives Holden tickets to some kind of sporting event, which makes him very happy. Lily of course comes home at that very moment. The three of them stand looking at one another uncomfortably and Lily leaves.

Meanwhile, what are Luke and Noah doing? Are they still outside? Is everything okay? I'm afraid Luke has already beached in a snowdrift.

Anyway, Ladyfriend tries to get Holden to kiss her under the mistletoe, but he doesn't bite.

Ah! Noah and Luke come back from their walk and Noah offers to go get Luke some pie. Luke says that he is anything but tired, and tells Noah that tomorrow will be very chaotic. Suddenly Noah reaches into his jacket and takes something out and stammers that it's hard for him to talk about some things because of his Dad. He gives Luke a car, which he reads out loud:

"Luke, I wish I had your way with words but I don't. Thank you for never giving up on me even when I pushed you away. Being with you has made me happier than I have ever been. Merry Christmas. LOVE, Noah." 

Noah says he meant every word and Luke jokes that he can write it but not say it. Noah tells him that he has to know how he feels about him and the two look like they're about to kiss for the 3,407th time in the last month. 

2:37PM EDT: Meanwhile, one of Luke's hot brothers is at the hospital watching another one of the interchangeable babydaddies read books to kids. Which makes me wonder, why are none of the other Snyder hotties at Christmas dinner?! 

Noah and Luke (who has the sporty new cane that Van mentioned to me when I spoke with him a few weeks back) walk Lily and the kids out to the car and Holden is putting away dishes when his lady lawyer friend arrives. Ooh! And here we thought Lily was the only one allowed to ruin holiday meals with extramarital booty-calls.

Speaking of, Lily is suddenly at the town square drinking lattes with Little Miss Stormcloud and the other rugrat, and she says "Christmas miracle" again. Don't get greedy, Lil... 

2:29PM EDT: Dinner! Noah says that he hasn't eaten that much in the entire month of December, and Luke says that he can work it off with some hot boot-knocking. Okay, he actually says he can work it off by helping his Grandma deliver presents to the church. Oh, you rascal, Luke!

While Noah is joking with Luke's sisters Luke slyly steps out of his wheelchair and walks to the kitchen island. Everyone at the table notices and he's all, "What? We needed butter!".

All together: "Aaaawwwwww..."

Holden and Lily hug him and Noah looks at him and there are tears in his eyes. So sweet.

Later, Luke explains that Noah has been helping him and Grandma is crying, but I'm distracted by the fact that the Snyders actually tack pineapple rings to their Christmas ham. People really do that?! The family toasts to Luke, and Holden corrects them, and the family toasts to Luke and Noah. God bless them, every gay one! 

2:16PM EDT: Lily comes over with an infant of some sort and Holden welcomes her. She suggests they forget about their divorce and try to give the kids the Christmas they deserve, and even drops the "Christmas miracle" line a mere 10 minutes into the episode. Way to peak early!

Luke is sitting with Noah standing dutifully behind him and he chats with Lily about Jade.  

Henry and General Foods International Coffee are arguing at the diner over Henry's secrecy ... and she says pepperkaker!! Am I good or what...

Luke and Noah have moved out into the porch and Luke says that he can't wait for his parents to move out of this phase and "grow up". For God's sake, Luke, just because you're in a wheelchair doesn't mean you have to be such a biddy about everything! Inside, Holden and Lily talk about how great a kid Luke is and how things have changed since he was a kid and didn't have a boyfriend with a killer dad. Memmmmm-rieeeeees....

Holden hangs mistletoe in the pantry doorway. Considering Luke never leaves this room, please tell me he'll wheel himself over there at some point...

2:06PM EDT: Luke's surfing the Internet for porn in the kitchen and Noah comes in: "Don't get up!" Ha, paralysis humor never gets old. Noah tells Luke that his test was on The Best Years of Our Lives and he's seen it about 100 times. Little Miss Stormcloud and Grandma Emma come in and she gives Noah a lingering kiss and says that she thinks it's going to be a great Christmas. Perv! 

Later Holden comes in and Luke tells him that Noah's out in the barn with the girls. Wow, that sounds fun. Luke's in a fine mood and tells Holden it's great to be able to share everything with Noah. Holden of of course takes this as an invitation to start projecting about Lily, and Luke tells him to call her and ask her to come. Instantly there's a phone in his hand and it's ringing, and Holden stammers while trying to invite her. Luke grabs the phone and asks her to come for dinner.  

1:59PM EDT: Okay, so I'm watching Martha Stewart (shut up, I have a problem, alright?) and she's got pinking shears and a bottle of Veuve Clicquot on her worktable as though it's the most natural thing in the world. She. Is. Perfection.